A'igh'.............this was nice shi'..............I liked tha 2 perspectives....nice shi'...ya both very good at this..........

Plz hit these up...bein slept on...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...308#post1075308

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=105299

__________________
Soundclick
NEW Myspace

Up.

__________________
Fuck you

lmfao @ edicius gettin raped

this was a very original concept never seen it before...both verse were hot...mavens flowed a lil better n get down to the point quick...n edicius had the more emotional side lol just like the whore he is

this shit was tight..real original..actully made me wanna read all of it

props

lol..dope niggaz...

good flow...solid imagery..

it was a solid drop...................maven came solid..........it lil choppy but had sum good multi's in there............nyce drop, edicius.....no hate but you fell off............had sum good ideas but nothin flowed properly each one of your bars was a different length and tha rhyme scheme needs improvement......lyked tha story...........but pay more attention to bar length flow and rhyme scheme next tyme, peace, 1

__________________
<center> Soft Focus</center>

"I'm stuck with...what i'm Stuck Wit, cause i don't Suck Dick" - Jadakiss

Mavens Peice - Good, Maven Style
Edicius' Peice - Decent, Drawn Out, Choppy

Maven’s-
I’ve never given Maven criticism really, or not that I can remember. There are probably two reasons for this, one being I don’t usually do it to anyone (be it me being an asshole, lazy, lack of input, take your pick), the other reason being it’s not often he needs help. I mean, the dude came onto RB and impressed me, never dick rode me, but gave a certain amount of respect to me. I truly wish he would do more audio’s, and I wish I would stop being lazy and collaborate with you (even though it will only be text for now, you know, my computer and all).
When I first read: “using her suductive powers she kissed me 'hello'
and the candle lit dinner was prepared well-oh,” – I was somewhat not so impressed by the “well-oh” part, I just don’t usually like the idea of the continueing of a line after the “stop” of a line. Then I imagined it actually being sung (or rapped if you prefer) and it worked. I understood how he said it. So…errr back to no criticism, haha.
But good job man. Your verse was done very well. Very realistic, the fact that just reading your verse didn’t give away that he actually was good. It gave you a sense of “this could happen to you”. I know I could never do that, that goes against one of the only things I believe in, but in other situations (none sexual) I have been overwhelmed by the moment and taken things to far.

“didn't plan to get laid, only planned for sentiment” – That was beautiful.

Edicius-

I think this part “& sweet understanding” would have sounded better if it was worded differently, maybe like “sweet & understanding”. It just makes it flow a bit better.
Try not to use “&” so much, same goes for the word itself. It makes some of the lines sound somewhat awkward, like this line;
“why , but he forced me to shut up & that i shud hush & dont cry,”
- It would have sounded better (I think) if it was just “why, but he forced me to shut up and hush, don’t cry”. Just my thoughts though.
Since you live in Holland, English isn’t as straight forward as it is to me. Just little things like this;
“, ..while I putted te warm water on, i felt so empty & so much space
of emptyness fillin me up, unlikely to the water that was fillin up the tub..”
It only should have been “put”, not “putted”. And the “so much” wasn’t needed really. It makes it sound awkward. And the “unlikely to the” part, it should be “unlike the” instead of “likely” and “to”. That filling up on emptiness like the tub thing was really good, I liked it.
There’s also a couple other parts, I’ll tell you more on MSN about it.
Over all, great work man. Taking the role of a woman and all, that’s hard, yet you did it quite well. Good work, truly.

“& soon for me to find out that this sunshine on the phone,is just a dark cloud..”
”i feld like a dolphin on shore, i felt dirty, felt pain & like a whore..” – Awesome, those two lines were great.
(p.s. back to that “proper English” thing, it should have been “felt” not “feld”)

I fully agree with dixie. maven your verse was tight smooth flow great vocab and imagery, edicius your verse was tight to but the flow got thrown off alot when I was tryin to read through it but good imagery from both of u's and vocab was good. peace peeps. if u got time peep my new piece I'll be posting today called Down to Earth and leave some feedback plz. thanx in advance. peace.

__________________
<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>Atmosphere - inspirations of following in the footsteps of story tellin rhymes</table></center>

<center>Corrupted Visions</center>

<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>Giving Sight A Third Eye</table></center>

very good peive, i one hurd a song called date rape (tahts why i viewed this) but that version was funny as this one wasnt , very imaginitive very creative, loved the ending, hit my peive up if you couled
Life is good now by topic

__________________
Corrupted Visions

man this reminds me of a date i went on before wierd. good shit.