leave feed hos now

o.k firstly i think you could have expanded more on the topic and made it more interesting for the reader.....your vocab was a little simple and your rhyme scheme was too basic....i think if you had come more complex with this it would have been much more gripping.....though somehow you told the story well and this made me wanna keep on reading.....

It’s hard for someone as young as me to see them growing old
They’re so old…too old that they sometimes have no time for me

^^^these lines needed work.....your repitition of the word "old" was just filler.....
however work on all the points i've mentioned and i think your rhymes would be much more complex.........

__________________

go deeper with the topic

.......................read my shadow follows me too...

This was pretty decent... I liked the imagery and all of that... It would probably be best to work on structure, maybe shortin it up a little bit. You do real well at telling a story though. I liked that the most. Im not ganna say it wasnt the greatest... Because it wasnt, and im not going to say it was bad... because it wasnt. But it defedently showed something, you know. Keep the imagery, story, and leangth ( I liked how it was long )... work on vocab ( everyone gotta keep that in mind, lol ), and creativity... Think outside the box... wether its with emotions, ideas, exc...

nice work though 7/10


( I think me and you are battleing on RB in the SS... g/l, i put my shit down )

__________________

yes we are battlin....and g'luck to you too

.................................................. ....

.....................................

i really liked this man good stuff 8/10 good vocab good structure ok flow......nothing really to complain about.....but one thing you must remind urself about......keep the reader awake this bored me a bit....not too much........but it was a factor.....no hate just lookin out.......keep progressin.....return the favor

thnx.............................