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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
08-16-05, 08:12 PM
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#46
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Addicted
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IP: 1327 DEAD
Quote:
oo sorry... well it said your sample.. and basically wat i asked u to peeps is a sample so u know lol sorry  *walks out feelin stupid* |
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08-16-05, 08:14 PM
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#47
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IP: 07A8 D079
^that shit ain't funny.. everybody tweekin. some people can't read my first post properly.. others reading only what they want to. Others tryna make a point and be smart asses. Leady i kno u might be tired and what not, but people pokin nerves and IMing the shit outta me about this. Just post in here for a breakdown.. ~_~
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08-16-05, 08:15 PM
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#48
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OYD
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IP: 1ADC A69C
^^wait...so someone Im'ed u cuz they didn't like ur critique?
lol this is funny as hell LF...looks like u opened up a can of worms |
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08-16-05, 08:18 PM
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#49
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Addicted
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IP: 1327 DEAD
like i said... sorry it was a mistake lol wat u want me to say???? and i wasnt tryna attack u... i didnt realise u was puttin da name in da post title(i actually NEVER look at post titles cos nobody ever uses em... well barely anyway) so it is an easy mistake to make....
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08-16-05, 08:19 PM
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#50
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IP: 07A8 D079
not because they didn't like the critique but because they want me to peep it over aol messenger and shit. They might as well post here like everyone else, I'm not gonna put somebody over the ones that posted here originally..
I don't have a problem with anybody giving me bad-mouth back. They shouldn't post if they don't want the truth according to me. So eh.. whateva.. and Boys boys, stop posting the same audio link twice i seen it on the 2nd page already OutSpoken.
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08-16-05, 08:34 PM
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#51
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IP: 07A8 D079
Black~Magik
Tha Q Invektive -----In the next two hours, I'll post up all three of y'alls.----- Leady Outspoken Intermental Three of you are after the first three. I'mma take a break then holla back.  -EDIT: I got somewhere to go in a few hours. I'll get to them asap. But I'm bout to go soak in the tub.
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Last edited by ~Lady Fiya~ : 08-16-05 at 09:00 PM. |
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08-16-05, 11:33 PM
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#52
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FuxJustAWord
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IP: 3B27 2020
Quote:
sounds like a ghost writer to me.......... But do me!1 |
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08-16-05, 11:35 PM
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#53
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QU3 M! D3$T!NO 3$ M! UN!CO 3N3M!GO
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IP: 00A2 4ED0
Quote:
can I go in wit you  |
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08-17-05, 06:49 PM
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#54
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IP: 07A8 D079
Black~Magik’s Breakdown
Can't Touch This
All Verses Lyrics.... "how you doubt that i'm spittin the heat when i can get a standing ovation from Christopher Reeves.." You don't have super-dictionary words which I'm glad. You have pretty good lyrics. I'm feeling the metaphors. You even tried to pull out some multis, nice shit. And inner rhymes are present, good combination. I'm feelin’ you lyrically. Voice/Presence... You started off like you were gonna murder the track with your voice.. But you tend to go in and out on this one. So work on your presence a little. And your quality is not so hot just decent. You sound good over this beat, great choice. Emotion/Delivery... The chorus had the best emotion outta this track. Which is good, BUT you have to have a good distribution between the verses as well. Seems like you had the last verse down well. You gotta have the others just as dramatic. You need dubs for this… Flow... Your flow is pretty straight. Only a few times you fell off... those were the times your voice faded out. Memorize your verses. I believe if you were to record this again right now. You'd prolly have a better outcome than your original recording. Blessed
Lyrics.... This type of track where you could get away with ‘Dr. Seuss lyrics’. You had some multis here and there which was nice.. But don’t sacrifice your flow by tryna fit in too many multis. Multis are supposed to make your flow more smooth, NOT the other way around. If something don’t sound right off the bat, then reword it or replace it with something that sounds better when you say it out loud. Also, the intro… after you say “This is Dedicated to …. My future wife, I love you” stop talkin.. Let the beat play into your first verse… you can keep the “yo” right before.. But everything in between, drop it out. Voice/Presence... You have a better presence in this song then the previous one. You really need to fix your quality. It’s really bothering my ears. You might be too close to the mic. Emotion/Delivery... I seen that you were really feeling this track. You put your heart in this track. Start recording dubs… it will make you should better, especially since you have multis present… it will sound great. Flow... You flow was off on this track. You attempted to slow down the first few bars of the first verse, but you ended up speeding up the rest of the way to hit the snares. DON’T do that. IF you gonna slow down do it smoothly, then if you do want to transition back to rapping fast then speed up gradually. Forgive Me
Lyrics.... Good lyrics. Story-telling. You have an effective hook, very catchy. There are a few spots where you rushed so fast that I missed what you said, you still continue to manipulate multis and pick some wise inner rhymes, you went creative and that‘s what people like to hear… “didn’t have remorse when his mother couldn’t use a rubber.. And didn’t choose to have an abortion..’’ Voice/Presence... Your voice sounds really smooth on this track. You sound like WhiteBoi from Chicago. You got that mad-serious, gangsta commercial voice.. Emotion/Delivery... Emotion is amazing on this track. This is what people would love to hear. You putting your all into it. Your adlibs are wayyyyyy better than the last two tracks. Try to record your dubs to match your main verse a little better. Cuz they are off on a few spots. Flow... Your flow is great. You have a few lines where you rushed, but all in all.. You controlling the flow of the beat instead of letting the beat control your flow. Good job. **This is a track I would look forward to hearing on the radio. You shocked me with this one. You just have to polish this up some. If Life‘s a Song
Lyrics.... Not as good as your previous one.. But pretty decent. You have a great imagery in your track. 3rd verse happened to be my favorite lyrically.. You went from aight, better, to way better from verse 1-3.. I’m feeling the words your said. Rhyme scheme is unique… Voice/Presence... Presence is getting better every track. Glad to see that happening.. One thing you should work on with this track; however, is clarity.. Emotion/Delivery... Pretty good.. Similar to the last track. Put some dubs in here! This is the “This is Me” track for you. Flow... Your flow is prolly the best on this track than any other track. You tend to rush a little on some lines, but they actually follow up with the beat most the time. Overall From the first track, “Can’t Touch This” all the way to “If Life’s a Song” I seen large amounts of elevating in your mic presence as well as your delivery. You need to polish up your flow, and concentrate on clarity. Especially for parts where you rap faster than others. But you really winning me over with your style and your lyrical content is just fine as is. I look forward to seeing you working on those things. ADD DUBS!<<I stress that and couldn’t stress it more. You are on the level of some “vets” on this site, you just don’t have your stuff polished the way it should.. Your quality is getting better each track as well, I must add. I’m looking forward to seeing you work on these things and become one of the best audio heads. Keep pushing yourself.
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08-17-05, 06:53 PM
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#55
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IP: 07A8 D079
Tha Q’s Breakdown
Hey Joes! Lyrics.... You have a good use of inner rhymes, you get creative with it and it‘s unique from anyone else… if you added mass amounts of multis to the inner rhymes you have then you’d be complete. Seem like you were just talkin bout random things in your verse. No real story line to it, which is fine. Because you actually pulled it off as a glorification verse. Not bad. Voice/Presence... Your presence is fine. You have a good voice that anybody would listen to.. Your voice combined with your “you gonna listen to me bitch” delivery is what stands out. Sound like you all over the mic. That’s good and shows you got a lotta experience. And you ride the beat easily. Emotion/Delivery... You delivery is very similar to Biggie. Only thing that gets annoying is if you sound like this the entire way through. That’s how people could get bored by listening to your music; however, when you started rapping faster you put more feeling into your lines. That’s the type of shit I was talkin bout before. You made me wanna get out my seat on that part and be like damn. All the intensity built up at that point Some of your adlibs is what got on my nerves. Some were unnecessary. Flow... This is what I like about your tracks… you don’t stick the same flow the entire time. You are far from predictable when it comes to flow. When you spit fast as hell, the song went to a whole new level. And your transition from rapping slow to fast to slow again was smooth. Overall Your presence is hot as is. Lyrics can always be upped but for this type of track, I wouldn’t recommend it. Flow is not something you should worry about, instead work on using your delivery to showcase your lyrics better. As you did in the part where you were flowing fast. You want people to be like AWW shit, lemme rewind that. That was tight right there. Even though this a slow song, you have the potential to make people bounce to this type of shit. I want to see that from you some time soon.
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08-18-05, 08:31 AM
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#56
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You Cant Handle The Truth
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IP: 950F 0FDD
UPing for tha girl...
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 ^ WE - RAWWCAST - 24/7 ^ Quote:
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08-18-05, 08:52 AM
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#57
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OYD
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IP: 1ADC A69C
Lady...preciate da feed
and yea...Biggie is my study guide...if u wanna elevate, why not learn from someone who many consider one of the best neway... thanx |
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08-18-05, 04:34 PM
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#58
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Ike
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IP: 577C 1E7C
word...uppin this...since im next...BE HARSH FOO!
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08-18-05, 04:38 PM
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#59
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IP: 3B43 EB4A
__________________
 [.Diabolic:.] |
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08-20-05, 09:57 PM
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#60
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Ike aka Invektive
IP: 07A8 D079
Invektive
You Don’t Know
Verse Lyrics… You have a common rhyme scheme.. It’s decent, but I’d like to hear some more complex set ups.. This verse is basically dedicated to legends and I heard you shouting out some artists and their album names. Your vocab is pretty decent. No argument there. You didn’t go overboard on it, thank God. If you gonna use large words, just make them run smoothly in your verse. Voice/Presence You have an attractive voice. Presence is there, no doubt. Quality is great. Sound like you have your vocals a little to high over the beat tho, just a little. Emotion/Delivery… Your delivery is really good… As well as your emotion, BUT you trying a little hard to sound gully… Don’t do that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Emotion is good but too much of something can be harmful. Your voice is already strong as is. Don’t overdo it! Flow… Don’t hold your last words to your lines so long to hit the snare. Just let the words go and follow behind each other naturally. Your lines are somewhat choppy in this verse but once you knock out some minor kinks it should be a little better. Jason’s Lyric
All verses + Chorus Lyrics… One of your strong points is the fact the imagery you have in your story. Lyrics for this track sound fine. You can get away with Dr. Suess lyrics on this one. Because your imagery stands out with the simple lyrics more than anything complex. You have some nice multis here and there. You rhyme scheme is pretty technical. It sounds un-natural and could get boring. Switch up your rhyme scheme a little better. Voice/Presence Presence is pretty good on this track, not as good as the other but it’s straight. And it sounds decent on this beat. Your acapella stands on top of the beat more in this song. Turn it (volume) down a little. Emotion/Delivery… The parts that require the more emotion are the parts that are missing it. *Slaps You!* You did a good job as the Guy yelling… But you can’t distinguish the storytelling from the characters well. You pretty much yelled the whole time offside from the chorus. Don’t force your words so much. Flow… You flow could be a little better… part of it sounded like you were just talking. And you would just stop and pause for a long time in the middle of your verse. Maybe you can put a few fill-in words.. Like yeah, so, then; so you can make it sound more connected. Outside Looking In
All verses + Chorus Lyrics… The best storyline I heard from you. You are a great writer. You used more complex multis. I like that, now you have to polish up your flow… The chorus was creative.. You gradually growing on me lyrically. Your rhyme scheme is getting less predictable, which is great. Voice/Presence Nice beat for the storyline and your voice. Your presence on your chorus is lower than the regular verse. *The part where you saying, “I swear I get the picture now, etc.”* It don't sound right, being so low. Emotion/Delivery… You controlled your delivery better.. You weren’t shouting the whole time. You used the right parts to distribute your emotion. You can work at this a little more, but it’s decent for this song. I’m feeling your chorus but the emotion can be a little better. Add some adlibs, I think that would work well for you. Flow… Your flow’s better on this track than the other two before. You still got it chopped up somewhat, but it sounds better as a whole. Overall Your flow is the prolly gonna be the first thing you should work on. It’s hard because you have the right lyrics put your flow don’t run parallel with it. I recommend you add some filler words like.. Yeah, so, then, etc. because you just stop at certain parts where it sounds like you should keep going (as I stated before). Then add some adlibs because you got the imagery already and your delivery is fine for the most part, sometimes forced.. When you feel you need to get louder or you want some meaning to stand out more, use adlibs. Because your voice is really strong as is and overdoing your delivery is the last thing you want to do with it. Just work on flow and not straining your voice for delivery.
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