Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.
Bubba goes in first, and the professor advises him to take math, history and logic.

"What's logic?" asked Bubba.

The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed-whacker?"

"I sure do," answered the redneck.

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good," the redneck responded in awe.

The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also have a house."

Impressed, the redneck shouted, "AMAZIN'!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"Betty Mae! This is incredible!"

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why, that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard of! I cain't wait to take this here logic class."

Bubba, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where Cooter is still waiting.

"So, what classes are ya takin?" he asks.

"Math, history and logic," replies Bubba.

Cooter says, "What in tarnation is logic?"

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed-eater?"

"No."

"You're a queer, ain't ya?"

^ LMAO

what do you get a 82 year old women for her birthday


''depends''

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This is a dope sig.

An elemenaryschool teacher in Kentuckyasked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Molly said, "My family went to my granddaddy's farm, and we saw all his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate".

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Well, that was good, Sally, but I want the word "fascinate".

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Little Johnny was noted for his bad language.

She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him.

Johnny said, "My cousin's wife has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big, she can only fasten eight."

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Be Careful what you ask for
A man went to the Doctor's office to get a double dose of Viagra.

The Doctor told him he couldn't allow him to have a double dose.

"Why not?" asked the man.

"Because it is not safe," replied the Doctor.

"But I need it really bad," said the man.

"Well, why do you need it so bad?", asked the Doctor.

The man said, "My girlfriend is coming to town on Friday, my ex-wife will be here on Saturday, my wife is coming home on Sunday. I must have a double dose."

The Doctor relented saying, "OK, I'll give it to you, but you have to
report to me on Monday morning, so I can check you to see if there are any side effects."

On Monday morning, the man dragged himself in, his arm in a sling and looking awful.






The Doctor said, "What happened to you?"

The man replied... "No one showed up."

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I only know raccist jokes so dont be affended or ur a homo
but here goes a few.

how long does it take for a black women to take a shit?
answer= 9 months

what do you call 100 white people running down a hill?
answer=avalanch

what do you call 100 black people running down a hill?
answer= a mud slide

what do you call 100 mexicans runnin towards you?
answer= a jail break

what do you call a black person walkin in the street at night?
answer= a speed bump

what do you call a blond with half a brain?
answer= gifted

What do you call two lesbians in the closet?
*Liquor Cabinet

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
*Lickalotapuss

What do you call a lesbian with a big tounge?
*Well Hung

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How do you know if Dr. Dre has a high sperm count?

*Eminem has to chew before swallowing

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What is the square root of 69?

*Ate something...

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A Michigan man was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a diner when a Canadian man, chewing gum, sat down next to him. The Michigan man politely ignored the Canadian, who, nevertheless, started up a conversation. The Canadian snapped his gum and said, "You Michigan folk eat the whole bread?"
The Michigan man sighed, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course."

The Canadian blew a huge bubble. "We don't. In Canada, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to Michigan." The Canadian had a smirk on his face.

The Michigan man listened in silence. The Canadian persisted. "D'ya eat jelly with the bread?"

The Michigan man rolled his eyes and replied, "Of course."

Cracking his gum between his teeth, the Canadian said, "We don't. In Canada, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to Michigan."

The Michigan man then asked, "Do you have sex in Canada?" The Canadian smiled and said, "Why of course we do." The Michigan leaned closer to him and asked, "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

"We throw them away, of course."

The Michigan smiled and said, "We don't. In Michigan, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the Canadians."

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lol damn kgm...... the official jokester of Rap Battles.... you got my vote for it hahahaha

This lady is on an airplane and is seated next to a man named Ian McKegney. About half an hour after they take off, Ian sneezed. He calmly opened his fly, took out his penis and wiped it with a handkerchief. The lady was shocked but a little too shy to say anything.
About 15 minutes later, Ian sneezed again and then once more opened his fly, grabbed his penis and wiped it off. The lady could not beleive it, and being to shy to mention it, she thought to herself, "If he does that again, I'm definitely going to mention it."

Well, guess what? About 10 minutes later, Ian sneezed again and proceeded as before. She turned to Ian and said, "That is disgusting! Must you do that in front of me?" Ian apologized and explained that it was a medical condition, "Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm," he explained.

"Really, what do you take for that?" she asked.

Ian replied, "Pepper."

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LOL funny shit KGM dawg.