Lyrics…
You have a common rhyme scheme.. It’s decent, but I’d like to hear some more complex set ups.. This verse is basically dedicated to legends and I heard you shouting out some artists and their album names. Your vocab is pretty decent. No argument there. You didn’t go overboard on it, thank God. If you gonna use large words, just make them run smoothly in your verse.

Voice/Presence
You have an attractive voice. Presence is there, no doubt. Quality is great. Sound like you have your vocals a little to high over the beat tho, just a little.

Emotion/Delivery…
Your delivery is really good… As well as your emotion, BUT you trying a little hard to sound gully… Don’t do that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Emotion is good but too much of something can be harmful. Your voice is already strong as is. Don’t overdo it!

Flow…
Don’t hold your last words to your lines so long to hit the snare. Just let the words go and follow behind each other naturally. Your lines are somewhat choppy in this verse but once you knock out some minor kinks it should be a little better.



Lyrics…
One of your strong points is the fact the imagery you have in your story. Lyrics for this track sound fine. You can get away with Dr. Suess lyrics on this one. Because your imagery stands out with the simple lyrics more than anything complex. You have some nice multis here and there. You rhyme scheme is pretty technical. It sounds un-natural and could get boring. Switch up your rhyme scheme a little better.

Voice/Presence
Presence is pretty good on this track, not as good as the other but it’s straight. And it sounds decent on this beat. Your acapella stands on top of the beat more in this song. Turn it (volume) down a little.

Emotion/Delivery…
The parts that require the more emotion are the parts that are missing it. *Slaps You!* You did a good job as the Guy yelling… But you can’t distinguish the storytelling from the characters well. You pretty much yelled the whole time offside from the chorus. Don’t force your words so much.

Flow…
You flow could be a little better… part of it sounded like you were just talking. And you would just stop and pause for a long time in the middle of your verse. Maybe you can put a few fill-in words.. Like yeah, so, then; so you can make it sound more connected.



Lyrics…
The best storyline I heard from you. You are a great writer. You used more complex multis. I like that, now you have to polish up your flow… The chorus was creative.. You gradually growing on me lyrically. Your rhyme scheme is getting less predictable, which is great.

Voice/Presence
Nice beat for the storyline and your voice. Your presence on your chorus is lower than the regular verse. *The part where you saying, “I swear I get the picture now, etc.”* It don't sound right, being so low.

Emotion/Delivery…
You controlled your delivery better.. You weren’t shouting the whole time. You used the right parts to distribute your emotion. You can work at this a little more, but it’s decent for this song. I’m feeling your chorus but the emotion can be a little better. Add some adlibs, I think that would work well for you.

Flow…
Your flow’s better on this track than the other two before. You still got it chopped up somewhat, but it sounds better as a whole.


Your flow is the prolly gonna be the first thing you should work on. It’s hard because you have the right lyrics put your flow don’t run parallel with it. I recommend you add some filler words like.. Yeah, so, then, etc. because you just stop at certain parts where it sounds like you should keep going (as I stated before). Then add some adlibs because you got the imagery already and your delivery is fine for the most part, sometimes forced.. When you feel you need to get louder or you want some meaning to stand out more, use adlibs. Because your voice is really strong as is and overdoing your delivery is the last thing you want to do with it. Just work on flow and not straining your voice for delivery.

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Lyrics…
Your lyrics are what I’m not too fond of… at least for the first verse. The second verse you stepped it up. Add a few complex multis.

Voice/Presence
Your voice sounds good over this. I love your energy. Your presence is great. You sound like you do live performances or used to spitting on the mic.

Emotion/Delivery…
You have a really good delivery. I have nothing to say about it. It’s pretty damn good.

Flow…
Your flow is fine. Work on clarity a little bit. For the majority, you clear.. Some parts I’m like >>


You don’t have much to worry about but your lyrics. I’d say just up your lyrics some, especially the first verse… and switch up your rhyme scheme a little. Other than that, I wouldn’t recommend you change anything else.

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Lyrics…
Your lyrics are pretty basic. For this type of song , it’s expected. Your lyrics are somewhat predictable. Get out of the habit of using common words to end your lines unless you pair them into complex multis. Far/heart … again/friends… No make some multis in your lines. It’ll sound better.

Voice/Presence
Your presence is decent. You need to get more comfortable on the mic. This will come through practice and over time.. The more tracks you make and the bars you memorize from each will help as well..

Emotion/Delivery…
Your delivery is aight for a love song. Sound like you could have been reading a few lines. Memorize your lines before you spit them, it sounds much better. Also your quality is bad. Not just for your mic. But you are putting the actual song over the instrumental for the chorus. Do NOT do that. Search for the accapella then match the chorus portion to the instrumental and mix then down. THEN spit over that. Don’t layer the track like that it don’t sound right. Also with the effects, stop putting that loud ecko at the end of your verses. It sounds really bad. What you should do is record dubs.. This is how it’s done. There’s different ways to do it, but this is what works for me: Record your regular verse, first. Then grab a pair of headphones and playback your verse and spit the dubs (the rhyming portions, normally towards the end of your bars). Then play it back WITH the verse you spit and if they match-up and sound similar, then mix them down.

Flow…
Your flow is all over the place. Stop rushing so much. At some parts you rap real, real slow then you go Twista speed outta no where. Then Slow down and speed up again. But it’s not a smooth transition. You should work at rapping at a steady pace before you attempt going from one way to another.


You have a lot to work on, but I recommend you start with lyrics. You tryna concentrate more on flow but it’s all over the place because your rhyme scheme is bad... One thing I suggest is that you write bars and match the syllable count for them. This is only temporary, but when you get the hang of it, then you can be versatile and make better transitions to rapping fast, then slow again. But for now do the syllable count method. If you got questions on how to do that, then hit me up on AIM if you wish. For mixing, if you want, I can mix your tracks for you. You add a lotta unnecessary stuff to your track.
Make the syllables match up and practice saying it, you’ll see it sounds more smooth. If you don’t match them up identically it don’t matter. Let’s say you have 12 syl on the first one and 13 on the next, it’s alright! Another reason I did this example is to show you what I meant by multis… Yeah the example is not so great but it’s similar to one I gave SPuL… “monopoly” and “no pot fo’ me” are what stands out in this one. The more syllables matched the better the sound on the beat. The first half not as great but “playin games” and “space in pain” is another example. I decided to keep them in two lines than write four separate lines. But you get the point hopefully. Inner rhymes are equivalent sounds, some people mistake them for multis but they lie within the bars (hence the name inner rhymes). But don’t worry bout those, most likely, you’ll end up doing them without recognizing. But try that way, just to see if it works for you.

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..............

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[.Diabolic:.]

Yo ma im next rite?

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www.soundclick.com/dollaback

Lyrics…
*Punches you for using this beat. I love this beat.*
Lyrically, this was too short for me to really mention any flaws and phrases that stand out. But what from what’s here, you had attempted punch-lines in here.. Your storyline is decent. Sounds like the typical

Voice/Presence
You sound mad young. Your voice alone isn’t very strong. Your presence is similar to one who has just started picking up a mic. You have to get comfortable on the mic. It will come in due time. Silence the beginning of your vocals and the end. The part where you hear the mic shuffling.

Emotion/Delivery…
This is your weakness. You have potential.. But at this point, if someone listened to this track.. They’d be like Does He Mean What He Say? If I was asked that question. I’d say no. Your voice doesn’t have heavy bass in it. Which is no problem (I am the exact same way). You have to put yourself in a whole different mental state. Think about a moment where you got straight pissed at someone or got into a fight. A moment where you were feeling an adrenaline rush. And use your words as if you were fighting. This don’t mean yell, just put more feeling into it.

Flow…
Your flow is decent from the beginning. But then you start losing the beat. If you tryna hit the snares, than stick to doing that. Because when you go off, you tend to lose your common spot. Then you start hitting snares every once in a while. You have to reconstruct your lines. Make them so they match up a little better.



Lyrics…
Your rhyme scheme is even simpler than the previous track. Bad thing. You only have one verse on here… it sounds more like a spoken word than a rap verse. You have imagery in the last verse. But it’s REALLY basic. Clearly basic.

Voice/Presence
Your presence is a little better. Work on clarity. You want people to hear every word you say.

Emotion/Delivery…
This type of track is straight laid back. So I wasn’t expecting much from this. What you brought to it was decent. You had a little bit more emotion in here than in your first track. Maybe because it’s a love song. But who knows… I want you to feel like you in front of that girl you talking bout and pour your heart into your words and bring out how you feel a whole lot better, than you did.

Flow…
Your flow is a tad better. But you need to work on it a little more. You followed the beat a little better. But I still suggest you follow what I said in the previous song.



Lyrics…
Your lyrics are still basic. This is something you really gonna have to work on. No multis, no nothing. Just regular rhyme and a few inner rhymes.. You gonna have to step that up, playa.

Voice/Presence
You have a better presence. Still not comfortable and stable on the mic, but you getting better. I can see the difference.

Emotion/Delivery…
You add adlibs, Dubs were off in some places. That is annoying, make sure they line up better. Your delivery was pretty good on this track. It was a huge step from the last two tracks.

Flow…
Way better than the previous. But you gotta polish it a little better. You went choppy in some areas.


Your latest track proved you working on your flow. Glad to see that, but keep working at it. You need it to be as smooth and less choppy as you can get it. You need to work on your lyrics and rhyme scheme, this should be your main concern. Your presence is getting better by the track as well as delivery. Dubs are useful when used correctly. Try to keep your dubs lined up better with your original verse. I’m glad to hear you experimenting with adlibs, it made your latest track sound more ‘live’ than usual. I hope this is helpful to you.

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Thanks alot this helped me alot....i appreciate the time u took to tell me this

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www.soundclick.com/dollaback

This is ordered in a first come, first serve basis. As I mentioned earlier in the thread. Next on the list is

FuxJustaWord
Scruff

Both will be posted either later tonight or tomorrow..

Upping for any others...

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ohhhhhh well, i dont have any good songs on my SC really, lol, but u can look at that still i guess

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...The real Renegade before Hova...

thanks lady fiya appreciate it... yea i do perform live ALOT lol... lyrics i talk bout stuff really only UK ppl will relate to n dis particular track really wasnt about lyricism it was more about enjoyin myself n basically bein able to get ppl in da mood for vgoin wild lol... mad respect on da breakdown.. appreciate it

Do YOU Want an audio brake down lady fiya?

Here.....

Ya vocals are okay, dont stand out enough, If i had too compare your vocals too somthin tho, It would be a scared little mouse......Maybe you should take singin lessons an become a ciara type diva?

hmmm, anyway, ya lyrical content is aight, Kinda benefitted from all ya text experience, but ya voice doesnt match ya flow, an until you can come out your shell an make your vocals stand out on tracks, you'll remain an average audio artist.

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Aight, Shittaboi...
-Number 1, it's *breakdown not Brake down*.. if I wanted feedback on my lastest songs of which I didn't post, don't you think I woulda posted them first..... Seeing that I would rather help others in the same way I helped myself, I thought this was a good thing. Once someone tries to do something nice, there's always gonna be one or two people conflicting it. Why? Because you have to reconstruct your wack ass crew and thought this was a better place to recruit? Ok. I won't stand in the way of your 'business'.

Number 2, what 5 latest tracks are you basing your "theory" off of if I didn't post them yet. *crickets*

Number 3, I'm glad you "attempting" to follow my trend, how cute.. "Let's Do what Fiya does in her own thread!" Thanx you and glad I'm inspiring you to follow my ways... Oh yeah, lol...

Number 4, weren't you the one begging me in a pm to go to Raw Reality, saying you wanna squash the beef and think I'd be a great AUDIO asset? I guess then you were basing that off my 5 latest audios too, right? *cricket* And don't lie. I'll take the screenshot of that pm and post it. If you bitter just make a beef thread, don't clog this one up.

By the way, Black~Magik you are welcome... and leady and all who took this as another opinion and saw that I was trying to help. Oh and even those who make pointless comments in the thread to "up" it. Thank you, I appreciate the support.

Anybody else got a problem with me making this thread? If it's too much to bear or some shit let me know, I'm not going any further as of now. So thank all the negative comments tryna pull down a thread that's supposed to help people. Just thought this thread was to help y'all get better feedback than those similar to the post above me.

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well i vguess dis just proves i am under-rated and slept on judgin from ur breakdown lol ive allways said it but ya know ppl like to mhate and ride particular people brap brap... if u ever post summin new up lemme know i wudnt mind takin a listen

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