Intermental
Forgive Me
1 Verse
Lyrics…
*Punches you for using this beat. I love this beat.*
Lyrically, this was too short for me to really mention any flaws and phrases that stand out. But what from what’s here, you had attempted punch-lines in here.. Your storyline is decent. Sounds like the typical
Voice/Presence
You sound mad young. Your voice alone isn’t very strong. Your presence is similar to one who has just started picking up a mic. You have to get comfortable on the mic. It will come in due time. Silence the beginning of your vocals and the end. The part where you hear the mic shuffling.
Emotion/Delivery…
This is your weakness. You have potential.. But at this point, if someone listened to this track.. They’d be like Does He Mean What He Say? If I was asked that question. I’d say no. Your voice doesn’t have heavy bass in it. Which is no problem (I am the exact same way). You have to put yourself in a whole different mental state. Think about a moment where you got straight pissed at someone or got into a fight. A moment where you were feeling an adrenaline rush. And use your words as if you were fighting. This don’t mean yell, just put more feeling into it.
Flow…
Your flow is decent from the beginning. But then you start losing the beat. If you tryna hit the snares, than stick to doing that. Because when you go off, you tend to lose your common spot. Then you start hitting snares every once in a while. You have to reconstruct your lines. Make them so they match up a little better.
Aisha
Verses 1-2
Lyrics…
Your rhyme scheme is even simpler than the previous track. Bad thing. You only have one verse on here… it sounds more like a spoken word than a rap verse. You have imagery in the last verse. But it’s REALLY basic. Clearly basic.
Voice/Presence
Your presence is a little better. Work on clarity. You want people to hear every word you say.
Emotion/Delivery…
This type of track is straight laid back. So I wasn’t expecting much from this. What you brought to it was decent. You had a little bit more emotion in here than in your first track. Maybe because it’s a love song. But who knows… I want you to feel like you in front of that girl you talking bout and pour your heart into your words and bring out how you feel a whole lot better, than you did.
Flow…
Your flow is a tad better. But you need to work on it a little more. You followed the beat a little better. But I still suggest you follow what I said in the previous song.
Hocus Pocus
Verse
Lyrics…
Your lyrics are still basic. This is something you really gonna have to work on. No multis, no nothing. Just regular rhyme and a few inner rhymes.. You gonna have to step that up, playa.
Voice/Presence
You have a better presence. Still not comfortable and stable on the mic, but you getting better. I can see the difference.
Emotion/Delivery…
You add adlibs, Dubs were off in some places. That is annoying, make sure they line up better. Your delivery was pretty good on this track. It was a huge step from the last two tracks.
Flow…
Way better than the previous. But you gotta polish it a little better. You went choppy in some areas.
Overall
Your latest track proved you working on your flow. Glad to see that, but keep working at it. You need it to be as smooth and less choppy as you can get it. You need to work on your lyrics and rhyme scheme, this should be your main concern. Your presence is getting better by the track as well as delivery. Dubs are useful when used correctly. Try to keep your dubs lined up better with your original verse. I’m glad to hear you experimenting with adlibs, it made your latest track sound more ‘live’ than usual. I hope this is helpful to you.
08-21-05, 11:18 AM
#76
Linear Mode
