Smells of old paint
spilled alchol and stale cigareetes
I can see the stained carpet
tattered and ripping in many places
Like the old sheets that cover the windows in darkness
The phone book under a table leg
and another under the couches corner
The recliner that doesnt open anymore
and the old lamp that doesnt shut off till you unplug it
The hunger of no food and even more
i can remember what hunger is
To search the refridgorator and find only cold air
and a open box of baking soda
To search the cabinets
and find only a few cans left over
which you are too young to cook
maybe even too young to reach the stove
I can see the other children on christmas
showing off thier wonderfull toys
Thier sleds and video games and other things from thier giftlists
Thier action figures and all thier goodies in thier stockings
I remember how sad i was
I wrote Santa such a nice letter
and this year i even sent him a map i drew all myself
maybe i shouldve drew better?
Because for some strange reason
no matter how good i was
Santa always forgot about me every year
I remember mom cooking
but i dont remmeber food never being near
Mom was cooking something bad
something that destroyed her
the thing that destroyed us
I remember the cold
how the blankets were never warm enough
How i woke many nights cryed
and no comfort came
no one checked to see if i was ok they wouldnt care if i died
Only sleep came to help me overcome
all the hardships i faced
i see the death all around me my life as a savage
and i realize
most my memorys are nightmares that actually happened

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Good.

But weak for a freeverse. You could express so much more imagery and emotion in this man...

But word...good job.

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ayo dats pretty good man ayo chekk out mine its more a song but it ended up in here but its deep shit man my boi just died on tha 11th of feb R.I.P ALEX) post sum feedbakk fer me please i need to get this shit off my chest im hurtin big time thanx yall

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R.I.P ALEX JOHNSON 1987-2005MAY ANGELS GUIDE U TOO THA GATEz[URL=http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=178375]

It's good, something alot of people can relate to but you made it so played out. I am so not impressed by this, you could have used stronger imagery, more potent words, you really watered this concept down. I do see some talent though, keep working and maybe you can get truly poetic.

Oh, and you need to work on puncuation.

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Nice and everything was good and I know it would be much better if it rhymed and all but overall it was still a good drop. RTF

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Back.....

^^exactly wat they all said, dis woulda been a dope piece if u woulda put more emotion into it, 'specially more vocab(rhymin better)mainly.....but yea overrall it was iight...keep it up....1

emotion is text that sounds riducules anyways it is dope read it better if you not from the hood i or never been poor i wouldnt expect you to understand such a poem

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u know me and u got our differences... but whoever said this wasn't a good poem... is a fuckin moron and should be shot for being a fuckin moron... i honestly loved this shit man. every word...1

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This was dope emp nice shit man WHY does poems need to rhyme ?
you need to get in the mind of the writer and try and relate...

Stay up fam

1~

Thanks Seven And Critic Some People Dont Know What Poetry Is So They Fail To Understand It When They Actually Hear It But You Cant Scold The Blind For Not Seeing Its Not Thier Fault..........................

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Hi cali......your arch enemy is here...................

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yea man i gotta agree wit everyone else its deep man but sometimes it draws more attention when it rhymes

^^LOL, thats a good way of putting it bro.

Nice work, i aint gonna pretend to know shit bour poetry but i know wat i like.

It was deep, with a good use on the topic

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uppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp ppppppppppppppppppppp

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