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03-25-03, 09:23 PM | #1 | ||||
Kevin Brown
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Round 1: mc_killabeats
IP: 6FA7 7304
Topic: Shadows
Due: Tuesday April 1st. Line max: 16 lines any more will not be counted. The top 15 will advance.
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03-28-03, 11:34 AM | #2 | |||||||
Venom Personified
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IP: 311A 3FE7
yo this is mc_killabeats i jus changed my name to killa kobra n im ready to do this
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03-29-03, 06:29 AM | #3 | |||||||
Venom Personified
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IP: C444 58BC
it goes a little somethin like this
The shadows are cast in the distance Im just an innocent bistander in the world passing by nothing to do no one by my side because im alone amongst the shadows that surround me the shadows are everywhere there taking over my life they never stop taunting me and make my life a living hell im confused dont know what to do should i run or hide? i need someone to talk to someone who can relate because these arent any ordinary shadows these are the shadows of my life the memories that come back to haunt me why wont the past let me continue with my future? my mind is pitch black no spec of light to be found this is what the shadows have done to me |
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03-30-03, 01:31 PM | #4 | ||||
Kevin Brown
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IP: 6FA7 7304
closed until judging.
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04-06-03, 01:06 PM | #5 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: BFE5 28C7
Start voting
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04-06-03, 04:07 PM | #6 | |||
Sand
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IP: ABE5 5A5C
ahh...didnt like this one. mentioned the word "shadows"
too much. cant get into this piece at all. sorry man. V: doesnt proceed.
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[ Word for Word ]
Kevin. Alex. Patrick. John. |
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04-07-03, 01:11 PM | #7 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 1A2E E198
I agree. It seems like you put to much emphasis on the topic and not enough into structurem feelin or flow.
srry but not feelin vote" no go |
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04-07-03, 01:56 PM | #8 | |||||||
Venom Personified
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IP: ABE5 FC72
watever man i but loads of effort into this
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04-07-03, 02:06 PM | #9 | |||||||
I Am The Light
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IP: CB2E 7CE0
yeah i didnt feel this written--I think it just isn't a strong enough written to proceed--you kept the meaning and your structure was nothing special--
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SOFT FOCUS crew record (3-0) Wits end ~ DOI ~ Central....now who's next? sacred scriptures record (5-0) |
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04-07-03, 06:22 PM | #10 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 16CE 0E8C
I'm glad you put loads of effort into this one... shadows is a hard topic to be creative with... I've said this in many of post so far... but it didn't have a flow to it... it all didn't peice together....
Vote: doesn't go to next round |
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04-08-03, 07:04 AM | #11 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: BFE5 28C7
strong, straight forward piece...had it's moments of power..
..but i felt at times a bit too elaborate, with the flow not on par as much as they could've been... ..i still think it was a nice enohgh piece...but not good enohgh to go through when comparingf to other pieces... ..still, i hope ya do go through....as you got potential there...and you said you worked hard on it... ..Vote: DOES NOT go through |
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04-08-03, 05:37 PM | #12 | ||||
Kevin Brown
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IP: 6FA7 7304
^votes dont count.
Tik's scale of grade: Metaphors: hmm.. maybe next tiem you write, replace the word/topic with another word to add some deeper meaning. make people look for your metaphors. i got it a lil too easily, shadows were the evil. big deal, make me think. (just not as much as deacon.) Imagery: one of your higher points. it was well done but not as good as it could be, expand your vocab. Originality/Style: Hmm. i liked your style, not having a rhyme scheme set you apart. Even the best of poems need not rhyme. Your originallity was lacking, you repeated the word shadows 3 times within your first 5 lines i think, thats over half. try to not be so blunt and obvious. Overall: Good piece, nice short, easy to read. On a scale of 1-10 id have to rank it an 5.5
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04-09-03, 11:50 AM | #13 | |||||||
Venom Personified
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IP: 5F62 7788
so am i in the next round or not? thanx to everyone who voted
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04-10-03, 11:21 AM | #14 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: BFE5 28C7
Metaphors:
Very little there. As Phrantik said, it was just there. Simple and in your face, nothing really to find. Therefore, lessing in power n what not... Imagery: Well, what Phrantik said. It had it's moments, and you got a solid 'base' of imagery. But you need to expand on it with slightly better vocab at the least. I mean vocab aint everything, and some great poems have been written with some very simple and straight forward vocab. But this just didn't come off as well as it could've. Originality/Style: You showed a little originality. But too elaborate. Your style wasn't executed well enough for it to flow as well as it coud've. still, showed signs of niceness, and it sure had it's moments. Overall: To the point, and to an extent the reader gets into the piece fairly well. But the pointsd made above worka gainst ya. 6/10 (average). (sorry, but the tourneys we've had have been on at a very high level, so it'd be unfair to lower the 'bar'). |
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04-10-03, 05:02 PM | #15 | |||||||
Venom Personified
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IP: C444 58BC
aiiight thanks for the comments looks like my time in this tourney is over
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