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Old 04-09-05, 06:41 PM   #1
~Lady Fiya~
~*Duchess of Metaphors*~
 
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Posts: 4,458
From: chi-town
~Fate Under the Constellation~

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Night after night I search each window pane from my bedroom
The moon is the main attraction, the scattered stars, my best view
I’m never looking for answers, just exploring the upper, outer field
I can feel my soul just kneel to what life has stored and will reveal
In a dream I can see myself looking classy, leaning on a balcony
The same stars shining through the gem on my neck, no agony
Just relaxing against my body as the air became wind for an instant
Then I opened my eyes once to see the vision’s more than distant
I separated the prophecy apart from any reading, truth is abliged
Even when it’s full, the crescent of the moon always lean in my eyes

-Lady Fiya
April 9th
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Old 04-10-05, 08:50 AM   #2
DQ
Odi et Amo
 
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From: Alosta City
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Enjoyed reading this, bit short though so are you thinking of expanding it? Because the concept is real good in my opinion, would make a beautiful piece if you expanded it I think. But it's already nice in fact, found a good balance in your vocab between complex and basic. The imagery was strongest aspect of it together with the emotion because you managed to make those two as one actually. I like how you worded everything, you have a nice and interesting writing style. Made me think about some stuff here and there.

DQ
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Old 04-10-05, 09:43 AM   #3
~Lady Fiya~
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From: chi-town
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yeah i did it short on purpose *heea hee lol*... i am gonna expand it actually, i was gonna do it twice as long with more detail in between.. but yeah thanx for the feed ma...
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Old 04-10-05, 12:18 PM   #4
mizz fyre
**the council**
 
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nice drop, imagery was good and vocab usage was nice......keep doing it
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Old 04-10-05, 07:21 PM   #5
Sweft
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From: America
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keep em comin'

sweft
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Old 04-11-05, 05:40 PM   #6
MC IgGY
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From: LA
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i liked this, im sure a lot of peeps can relate
keep it up
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Old 04-27-05, 11:55 PM   #7
Harley Quinn
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From: ChI-ToWN
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pure dopeness ma. this was a dynamite drop. get at ya chi-town fam!
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Old 04-28-05, 04:47 PM   #8
Viva
Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
 
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From: ring the BEL and run FAST!!!
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yeah i liked it! n i liked the length, it kinda keeps u wonderin, dont havta be longer to be better!
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