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Old 01-20-07, 09:12 PM   #3
GREVISS
Flyweight
 
Posts: 112
IP:

nice fam...very deep piece you got here, well put togeather, on a
Philosophical tip fused with abstract metaphors and dope word choice,
i note you concentrate a lot on end rhyme, id like to see a little more
internals...though thats minor cause i think your style is pretty solid,
couple of spelling errors...again minor but it stopped me reading
so you should fix those....


Quote:
Wonderin’ that same somethin, deep beyong Mars?

Quote:
Oceans are so strong they move the moon, it not the tides



this was my fav passage
Quote:
That’s why you make millions and sniff coke, it’s virtual reality
While some children stitch clothes in a sweatshop to question morality
I’m nothin but a Sim in a moment of clarity
A magnets turned off and we fall from grace in zero gravity
Gallant space cadets played like cassettes in a tape deck
Drifting forever as small as atoms in spaces cavity


and i think the qustions yo posed in different sections was the
outstanding part of your script...like i said some deep shit in
there...i laughed at the whole alien conspiracy theories part,
yes i seen that shit too, the pyramids shit...overall just a
dope drop...keep that shit up...peace
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