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02-16-04, 12:11 AM | #1 | |||||||
emceeing is believing
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valentine
IP: C1DA C961
As only it seems that my shadow denies my mind of ever sensing that of a lost love, clouding my mind with thoughts of regret and disposal of something that should have been forgotten three years ago
My tears clutter my eyes and my sight of satisfaction that might never be replaced, its a taste that will never be forgotten,a feeling that has turned so rotten, and a dream that fills my heart with this hatred towards this day. valentines day, for who is it great, for who is it that is touched by an angel on this day, i will relay my past emotions for those of us who are lost in love with someone that cant be seen through average eyes, an angel in disguise. all the time I spent hoping for someone like you to enter into my life, it just figures that like a flame you could burn so deeply into my heart and tear me apart in so many ways, my dreams of yesterday. but i will not give up easily, nobody knows what you mean to me, it just seems to be that when your are forgetten you reappear into my dreams to taunt me and test me emotionally. what is it that I lack, is it my sense of hope or is it hoplessness, holding me down, is it my mind that keeps her in such a distant venture,or is it just the lack of warmth running thru your vains. and if i could only go back to those days would I, hell yeah cause those days can never be replaced, only misplaced in the average mind, but I will rewind back in time over and over untill one day this is finally mine........ dedicated to my X girlfriend
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SOFT FOCUS [The Buddah just sits and smiles] Last edited by Ferris : 02-16-04 at 12:13 AM. |
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02-17-04, 12:21 AM | #2 | |||||||
emceeing is believing
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IP: C1C9 9BC5
can someone please leave honest input
peace
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SOFT FOCUS [The Buddah just sits and smiles] |
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02-17-04, 10:35 AM | #3 | |||
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IP: 3DEF 9A9C
Nice stuff. A good topic of course, and it was a very emotional piece.
I liked how it was dedicated to your X girl. Mostly all the valentines day poems in here are always for thier girls and stuff, but once in awhile i see a nice change like this. I enjoyed the topic alot. Emotion was extremely well, You told of how you longed to go back to her etc. etc. and i enjoyed ure detail in story telling. and if i could only go back to those days would I, hell yeah cause those days can never be replaced, only misplaced in the average mind, but I will rewind back in time over and over untill one day this is finally mine........ Thats my favorite line A good end to a great poem. Really showed how much u cared, and this overall was an excellent piece of work. Much thanks for the read. ~holla if ya hear me |
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02-17-04, 01:00 PM | #4 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: AC84 32ED
i feeling this piece right here , you got me thinking on dat real about shit dat happen in my life it bring back memories, i see where you comin from
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i'm between a beat and a hard place |
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02-17-04, 04:01 PM | #5 | |||||||
emceeing is believing
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IP: 4577 CD9A
thanks, this is my first poetry piece and not audio......i hope to do many more...
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SOFT FOCUS [The Buddah just sits and smiles] |
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02-17-04, 04:33 PM | #6 | |||||||
..Soft Focus..
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IP: 1B3B C284
Wow...this was incredible..I can really feel this piece i've wanted to write something on this type of situation for a long time but I could never pull it off...but you did it very well.
the emotion in this was great...I felt every line. The imagery was good. But overly this was just a emotional piece...I felt I enjoyed this a lot because i've been in the same situation...very well done...you repped SF well for your first poetic piece. Good job
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Open Mics The Weathers Art http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673 My Teenage Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850 Secluded http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851 Open Your Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461 |
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