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08-15-03, 11:35 PM | #1 | ||||||
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"Control"
IP: 4577 CD9A
This is just something I threw together today...It's not much but any feedback will be appreciated..Thanks
Sitting along as the black of night caresses my cold body Nothing or no one in my sight, Still I feel Peaceful, Odly I try to pierce this blackness, But I constantly Fail I'm free as a bird, Yet I stay in one corner to myself like a cell Only hearing the sounds of my shallow breathing Not understanding how this life could be so decieving I feel so unclean, Im not like the rest, Like im not sanitary Feeling like I would be better off if I Was listed in an obictuary The only thing left to cling to is myself Like merchandise that was set on a shelf The darkness has taken All my dreams and threw them away I no longer wonder if they will come true, For I no longer see day All I see in my path is Dark and black But theres nothing I can do, to late to turn back I try to push forward, To see if theres light ahead But Theres no chance, I might as well be dead This darkness weighs on my shoulders very heavily Everything I knew is gone emotionally Nothing Left to me but a broken and lost soul ITs taken me over, Iv'e completly lost control |
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08-16-03, 01:21 AM | #2 | |||||||
Atra Ludio or Hip-Hop?
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IP: 4577 CD9A
I could really relate to the first line. But only because when I read it, the cold black soda pop was caressing my tongue at the time. Which is sort of similiar.
Actually, I dunno if you intended it or not, but I had a real vivid image of what was going on in your peice. I felt like you were describing yourself being locked in a coffin that got shot into space. Y'know, entirely black and completly in bondage. I dunno, that's just what I got out of it. You wrote some good stuff there either way. ~Shalom~ |
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08-16-03, 06:39 PM | #3 | ||||||
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IP: 399E F0FD
lol First off thinks for the reply on this piece...I think it can have a different meaning to different people...To me the darkness represents my life...To others it may be something else...Like your explanation of a coffin..lol..A bit different but I think that can relate...Some people may read it on a shallow basis and others may take it on a deeper level...thanks for the response...
peAce |
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