This is just something I threw together today...It's not much but any feedback will be appreciated..Thanks

Sitting along as the black of night caresses my cold body
Nothing or no one in my sight, Still I feel Peaceful, Odly
I try to pierce this blackness, But I constantly Fail
I'm free as a bird, Yet I stay in one corner to myself like a cell
Only hearing the sounds of my shallow breathing
Not understanding how this life could be so decieving
I feel so unclean, Im not like the rest, Like im not sanitary
Feeling like I would be better off if I Was listed in an obictuary
The only thing left to cling to is myself
Like merchandise that was set on a shelf
The darkness has taken All my dreams and threw them away
I no longer wonder if they will come true, For I no longer see day
All I see in my path is Dark and black
But theres nothing I can do, to late to turn back
I try to push forward, To see if theres light ahead
But Theres no chance, I might as well be dead
This darkness weighs on my shoulders very heavily
Everything I knew is gone emotionally
Nothing Left to me but a broken and lost soul
ITs taken me over, Iv'e completly lost control

I could really relate to the first line. But only because when I read it, the cold black soda pop was caressing my tongue at the time. Which is sort of similiar.

Actually, I dunno if you intended it or not, but I had a real vivid image of what was going on in your peice. I felt like you were describing yourself being locked in a coffin that got shot into space. Y'know, entirely black and completly in bondage. I dunno, that's just what I got out of it. You wrote some good stuff there either way.

~Shalom~

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Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.