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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
05-14-04, 12:49 AM
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#1
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Banned: Biting
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A Brush With Death
IP: 1C0F 1C11
this piece is about seeing my dead friend wun last time
I met an old friend today He was just as I remembered him from my youth We remeniced on times past Of how we first met when my best friend went away I had just turned thirteen When Darius was found in his back yard swinging Toes barely inches above The ground we played tag on every spring My old friend appeared heavy hearted I asked him what was weighing down upon him so The reply came that he missed me And the games we would play each time we met I inquired of the others For I know I am not alone in this misery called life He cracked a sinister grin The one I grew oh so fond of and said "No, it's not time" I agreed as we sat alone And shared a comfortable silence as only TRUE friends can do Then bid each other farewell As I watched him ride his ebony steed into the distant darkness |
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05-16-04, 01:04 AM
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#2
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IP: 456D 2E0B
yo yall hit this shit up its hott....pc
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05-16-04, 02:05 PM
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#3
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You Love My Style.
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IP: 05BA F193
This was emotional and deep man. Nicely written work on transitions so it could flow more betta.
__________________
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Authentik Intelligence O. Y. D.  |
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05-16-04, 05:46 PM
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#4
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Banned: Biting
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IP: FECF 6536
thanks i will work on that UPPIN for some more feedback....
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05-16-04, 05:46 PM
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#5
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Banned: Biting
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IP: FECF 6536
yo deadly....i said i was Sinzz not Siinz
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05-21-04, 10:48 AM
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#6
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IP: 1C0F 1C11
uppin this shit for somemore feedback comon peep
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<Marquee direction="up"><table style="filter: shadow(color=Grey, direction=50)"> metaphorical techniques</table></Marquee> <Marquee direction="right"><table style="filter: shadow(color=Grey, direction=270)"> metaphorical and lyricaly the best</table></Marquee>  <Marquee direction="left"><table style="filter: shadow(color=Yellow Green, direction=50)"> Im Better Then You!</table></Marquee> |
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05-21-04, 11:17 AM
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#7
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...Belong...
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IP: DF7B C8F7
That was deep man that was good strong words were used in that dont give up 1
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^ Amen Brother ^
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R.I.P OMB |
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05-21-04, 12:42 PM
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#8
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Sharp Perfection.
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IP: E242 842F
man im dissapointed in the sort of replies on this side of rb.
babes i thought this was more of a piece written just to get a story/message/feelings out. it didnt seem to focus around structure, rhyming or anything else really. thou it still was a smooth read really i think it needs to be bumped up a little structure wise. the story thou i thought you showed well, could be more details and descripitions but the simpleness kept it good too. T
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R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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