Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
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05-01-04, 11:21 AM | #1 | ||
yawn
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Search the Shadows
IP:
Maybe it's time you revealed your game to us
Show the people you lied to, you broke their trust Now that I've broke you down, this hate you made I remove your mask, Don't hide your face You lead her Down a path shes seen before She can't see that You lie and whats in store Understand this You have been figured out Ignorance was bliss Until she found what you're about You keep your words hidden , in the shade Unknowing of what you corrupt, a violent rage I keep my spirits up, bow your head in shame This beast you've released, his minds untamed They silenced my warnings, you took their minds A dying passion, I leave her behind Let ignorance find itself, and make her realize
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do your research. |
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05-01-04, 04:19 PM | #2 | ||
yawn
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IP:
up.
__________________
do your research. |
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05-01-04, 04:35 PM | #3 | ||
retired.
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IP:
The Search is OVER! (ok im gonna actually read it now )
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RIP SMOKAJOKA WE WILL MiSS YOU!!!!!!
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05-01-04, 04:48 PM | #4 | ||
retired.
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IP:
Ok, very nice. I really like what you did in that middle stanza with the structure. The third stanza, I felt some of the wording was off and didn't really go well with the poem, but otherwise very nice.
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RIP SMOKAJOKA WE WILL MiSS YOU!!!!!!
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05-01-04, 06:47 PM | #5 | ||
yawn
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IP:
yeah this is actually and original song i wrote as a poem.. the 2nd stanza is actually the chorus. thanks for the feedback
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do your research. |
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05-02-04, 11:07 PM | #6 | ||
New to RB
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IP:
well done
structure was evident on this peice. stayed on topic. topic was original. very discriptive. vocab was decent. it seemed like a song (even before i read your above post) favorite lines: "This beast you've released, his minds untamed" |
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05-03-04, 09:13 PM | #7 | ||
yawn
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IP:
Im in a band and it is a song we do. Thanks. Up
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do your research. |
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