Legend
So many fucking dreams and not one of them came true
I see no peace, and hell to me seems like a rendezvous
Pretty good opener. 8/10 Good flow, emotion to begin the piece.

Heaven may be a dream but my faith will always remain
I’m going to keep trying and my loving will always sustain
Okay, decent. 7.5/10. Going to the heaven/hell thing here. I want more.

The Devil is playing around with my only happy viewings
Sometimes people tend to forget that even I got feelings
Viewings and feelings doesn't rhyme... 7/10. I'm not feeling it, really.

I asked for a solitary path and yet god had give me two
I had no occasion at all. Once I saw I just had to choose
Okay, pretty good. 7.5/10

To make it to heaven you’re going to go through hell
Obstacles won’t be ignored even though I’m compelled
Better. 8/10.

Like everyone else, before I learned to walk I had to crawl
But every single day I feel like I’m only getting up to fall
Good emotion. Two lines comingle well. 8/10

I can’t see my path what is going to be lighting the sky
Hate is all I see & people never cared when love passed by
Sky and by are basic rhymes. Don't really understand the first line. 7/10


Average: 7.5
Info: Keep on keepin' on. Could've been better. Some of it didn't rhyme, didn't know if it was intentional. Overall, a decent add-on to the collab. Looking forward to seeing more of your works. Simple rhyming...good, no one likes words that shoot over the audience's head. The flow was also very good, though it started to decline a bit in places.

Atticus
The World Frail As Hail Storms Form, A Girls Fetus Impaled
By Needles Of Evil, America Bleed Us! It Seems Unjust In Scale.
...Okay. That was...strange. But cool. 8/10. I feel a little American hate going on here.

Another Pregnant, Loving Mother Shuving Mother's Pressures Letting
A Stressing Belly Nothing But Her Mothers Lectures Setting
You repeated 'mother' twice in the first line. 7.5

Swelling On Anxiety's Long Awaited Dwelling... "Thanks Baby.
THANKS FOR THIS SHIT! I WAS SEEN AS A SAINT!, Maybe
O_O; Okay. Good, but still a little strange. I don't know where this is going. 8/10

If I Kill It Before Morning Or Even Leave It It Will Be Plain
Dismissed From A Christian Mistake This Damned Play Erased."
Plain and erased doesn't really rhyme. Still, good bar. 7.5/10

So Abortion By Force Once More Tried, Now Ordanance
For ARich Daughter Who Asumes Shits Out Of Her Cordinants.
Heh. A spoiled brat? I'd kill a child like that. 8/10

Peer Pressure... Dont Let The Pressure Veer Self Choice
Cuz You Never Know What Never Was More Then Choice.
Self and then doesn't make it a multi, so you just repeated choice. 6.5/10

And This Is Our Community, Lucy Smith Gone Off The Deep End
And Conformed... Aborts Her Child While All The While Her Breath Still Weakend.
End and weakened doesn't really sound right to rhyme. Still, okay bar. 7.5/10

Average: 7.5
Info: This may actually be more like an 8/10 put together. 7.5 with individual lines rating given an average. Good drop.

The Revelation

What do I want to change? I want to change the pregnant teen looking for an option,
To make her go through with the birth and put the child up for adoption.
Okay. Good opener. 8/10

For the young one having to go through a painful operation,
And to the athlete who is missing meals to prove to his coach he has dedication.
Okay...good piece. Nothing really stands out. 7.5/10

To the young man throwing himself to a girl and landing on his face,
I want to change how he thinks he has to act in order to get a date.
Pretty basic rhyming, but not too basic. The way I like it. Good bar. 8/10

I want to change the way people fight to resolve problems like animals,
To the ones out there eating each other and planting fear into others like Hannibal.
The whole 'I want to change' thing is getting a bit old. Good bar, once more, though. 8/10

I want to change the priest who abuses his power and hurts little boys,
Only a matter of time until girls become part of the authorities toys.
True...good bar. Expressed well. 8/10

I want to change teachers who don’t care and leave their students out to dry,
I want to change how bullies feel the need to pick on others to hide how inside they die.
'I want to change'...this sounds like a Martin L. King speech, but okay. Showing what's fucked up in the world, straight. 8/10

I want to change the reputations of the south and the north and peace to this land,
I want to change how people disrespect and destroy beaches by filling it with fake sand.
Don't we all. 8/10

But mostly I want to change my industry that is losing its values,
Veering away from lyrics and becoming about bling, swearing, rides and shoes.
Ooh...here you go. Nice. 8/10

If I never go down in history I want at least one thing to be said,
For me, it was never about the bling, chicks, or anything that deals with that.
Said + that = no rhyme. Still, okay. 7.5

It was only about living life and saying how I saw it, no matter how corrupt it seemed,
But then this is all what I want to do, and to make reality you must first wake from a dream.
Good closer. I felt this piece. 8/10

Average: 7.9
Info: A lot of 8/10s. I never really give high-ratings, so this is better then the average shows. I liked the expression, though the 'I want to change' got a bit repetetive and on my nerves. Some people like that, though. Best piece of this collab.


OVERALL: 7.6 average. Still, it was better then a 7.6 [ like I say, I never really give high-ratings a lot ]. I liked this collab a lot. Revelation's seemed to be the best. Flow was great, a lot of verses not complicated. Simplicity can be best.



http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=193520 Return the favor. [Took me a long time to friggin' do this review. ]

thanx for the feed and I'll RTF in any way I can.... uppin....

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RTF- done

Does anyone know if this could be a contendor for OM of the month?

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who knows.... heh.... I actually do. This is dope. uppin.

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Macca- Alright man it wasnt the best. And it wasn't your best I've seen. The imaginary was there, just a lil, the emotion i just didnt feel it man upp on that. The rhyme scheme wasn't good either. You approach it different from the other's which this whole OM didnt go as smooth.

Atticus- I kinda like your's the best, good rhyme scheme. The imaginary was there, but the emotion yeah it lacked too. The vocba was good. The flow was nice. This was just overall the best one from the 2.

The r- Man, i didnt like your verse at all. The imaginary was there, but the emotion wasn't. You had a good balance on your vocab. Dont stretch your lines.


Overall=This callab wasn't i would expect it to be, cause everyone had different view's but everyone had the same problem, the emotion. The imaginary is the best aspect in this whole entire verse...

Please return a favor by leaving feed on my newest om "The monster within"

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mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*

Great collab, great structure, flow was good, verses flowed great. Both yall dope, catchy chorus, hot drop im feelin you, RTF on my "End of my life" OM please

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www.soundclick.com/dollaback

Yo i was feelin this piece. i feel that lyrically, your styles complimented each other. The piece caught my attention from the start and kept it, which is definantly a good thing as it shows you lot are capable of attaining the interest of the audience. Personally i feel this piece was pretty deep and once a piece is deep, that gives it a real advantage. The nice flows and structure from all of you just made it better. In my opinion none of you were really slacking in any way.This is a really good piece people. You lot should keep doin this.The only way from here is up...

Yo RTF on my open mic piece in my sig

this shit fucking sucked...it was completely ass...atticus fucking sucks...u got mad cause i wouldn't peep ya last om...this shits gay

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at least someone has some damn sense on this site^^^

yo i wuz likin dis 1 mayne. I thought dat verse 3 wuz da best doe b/c of da way it flowed nicely n shit. Ur struture wuz str8 on da verses but da structa 4 da chorus wuz sorta fucked mayne work on dat. I like ur lyrical wordchoice, and also u used da rite wordz in lotz of da rite places.
LEMME BREAK IT DOWN

Legend:
So many fucking dreams and not one of them came true
I see no peace, and hell to me seems like a rendezvous
^^^OPENER WUZ STR8 GOOD WAY TO GET INTA DA THEME
Heaven may be a dream but my faith will always remain
I’m going to keep trying and my loving will always sustain
The Devil is playing around with my only happy viewings
Sometimes people tend to forget that even I got feelings
I asked for a solitary path and yet god had give me two
I had no occasion at all. Once I saw I just had to choose
To make it to heaven you’re going to go through hell
Obstacles won’t be ignored even though I’m compelled
Like everyone else, before I learned to walk I had to crawl
But every single day I feel like I’m only getting up to fall
I can’t see my path what is going to be lighting the sky
Hate is all I see & people never cared when love passed by
^^^GREAT CLOSURE I LIKED UR CREATIVITY AND THOUGHTFULLNES ON DAT 1

everything in b/w the opener and closure wuz pretty good i liked ur whole verse except 4 a few lines dat didnt make much sense. Keep doin wut u doin, ya shit wuz decent mayne. Jus keep workin on it.
Overall Average Verse-7/10

Atticus:
The World Frail As Hail Storms Form, A Girls Fetus Impaled
By Needles Of Evil, America Bleed Us! It Seems Unjust In Scale.
^^^VERY VERY DEEP......MADE ME REALLY THINK
Another Pregnant, Loving Mother Shuving Mother's Pressures Letting
A Stressing Belly Nothing But Her Mothers Lectures Setting
Swelling On Anxiety's Long Awaited Dwelling... "Thanks Baby.
THANKS FOR THIS SHIT! I WAS SEEN AS A SAINT!, Maybe
If I Kill It Before Morning Or Even Leave It It Will Be Plain
Dismissed From A Christian Mistake This Damned Play Erased."
So Abortion By Force Once More Tried, Now Ordanance
For ARich Daughter Who Asumes Shits Out Of Her Cordinants.
Peer Pressure... Dont Let The Pressure Veer Self Choice
Cuz You Never Know What Never Was More Then Choice.
And This Is Our Community, Lucy Smith Gone Off The Deep End
And Conformed... Aborts Her Child While All The While Her Breath Still Weakend.
^^^O.K CLOSURE COULDA BEEN BETTA

This piece wuz deep. Dere wuz lotz of partz dat made me think. I liked dat. U had great flow throughout da whole piece and ur structure wuz nice. Wif diff wordplay in some parts dis piece wudda been
copastetic nigga!
NICE VERSE: 8/10

The Revelation
What do I want to change? I want to change the pregnant teen looking for an option,
To make her go through with the birth and put the child up for adoption.
^^^I LIKE IT ALOT BRINGS DA TOPIC INTA PLAY GOOD JOB
For the young one having to go through a painful operation,
And to the athlete who is missing meals to prove to his coach he has dedication.
To the young man throwing himself to a girl and landing on his face,
I want to change how he thinks he has to act in order to get a date.
I want to change the way people fight to resolve problems like animals,
To the ones out there eating each other and planting fear into others like Hannibal.
I want to change the priest who abuses his power and hurts little boys,
Only a matter of time until girls become part of the authorities toys.
I want to change teachers who don’t care and leave their students out to dry,
I want to change how bullies feel the need to pick on others to hide how inside they die.
I want to change the reputations of the south and the north and peace to this land,
I want to change how people disrespect and destroy beaches by filling it with fake sand.
But mostly I want to change my industry that is losing its values,
Veering away from lyrics and becoming about bling, swearing, rides and shoes.
If I never go down in history I want at least one thing to be said,
For me, it was never about the bling, chicks, or anything that deals with that.
It was only about living life and saying how I saw it, no matter how corrupt it seemed,
But then this is all what I want to do, and to make reality you must first wake from a dream.
^^^GREAT JOB CLOSURE TIED DA WHOLE PIECE TOGETHA N I WUZ FEELIN DAAT

ya verse wuz neerly flawless da flo, structure n word choice wuz on da spot. i loved da theme of it n errthing wuz jus really thoughtful n creative. Great job on dis verse its by far da best one out of da three. Keep doin wut u doin mayne
GREEEAT VERSE-9.5/10


OVERALL PIECE -8.16 avg
i liked da whole thing all yall did a good ass job
stay up n keep at it
~LM~
........1

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this is the last time I'ma up this shit.....

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where the fuck are those replies.

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this was straight fam...all three came nice with there verses...

Macca - good verse...structure was good...emotion was ok...nice ryming scheme..,first open mic ive probaly read of yours.Ill deffo check more out....keep it up...

Atticus - What can i say...vocab is crazy once again...structure was good...the way you use the vocab just leaves a really complexed and deep verse...the best verse out of the three...you still one of the bestat topicals...still got the best vocab...and you keep gettin better...keepem comin....

revelation - hmm..this your second piece i read today.Solid drop again...dunno if i read your stuff before.Maybe you just got a name change or somethin?...anyway another good verse...finished it well.Good structure and vocab,nice emotion in there too.I dont think your lines were stretched to be honest...just your structure was a lil different to the other two.I had no problem readin it though...

overall this was a good open mic...ill bge sure to check more of your stuff...keep em comin....

This is idyllic by the way..return the favour plz...wun

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=194715

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Living Legendz

I Promise Alot...But I Deliver Alot More...

...Topicals...

What Is Life?

Dark Disguise