Was a verse for my battle wit dutch but the little shit head bit so now its an OM

alright to break down my verse for slow people who are gonna say its not on topic, its numbered for 3 parts
1-my dream
2-me envisioning my dream coming true
3-the signigigance of the dream to me
like always my line length is all over the place since i consider my topicals to be more spoken word then they are hip hop so i have no steady flow during them


1.I not only want stability for myself, but for my son and my new child
so i dream of greatness, even though the act of dreaming is futile
then i think, my whole life my nightmares have become reality
so im bound to see, some form of prosper prior to my fatality
maybe a couple of platinum plaques, fuck it, i'll settle for gold
even if its just a single, but for some reason faliure's enveloped my soul
society's forced upon me the role of dreaming dreams for others to live
and to just accept it while i struggle to support by baby mother and kids
but im not havin it, see to me its not enough just to live
so i hustle bars on the block like its a bundle and rock
but my clocks tickin, so i remove the batteries so as not to waste time
then create rhymes with nothin less then simply great lines thatll garner me face time
I would say im destined for greatness, and me and myself just used to laugh
till all three of us started having dreams that our present is the future's past
see its more than a sick sig line, its also the quote that i live by
I alone will make my visions reality, i dont need Kanye beats just to get by
i dont even really need exposure, all i need is attention
thats the same reason i was in high school doin shows in detention
and why my time in jail was spent perfecting my flow and precision
Im takin the path less traveled, the rest of yall on road for collision
Just give me russsel's ear once, and no record label minion will stop me
ill have every real lyricist behind me cause if hip hop is dead i should be considered a zombie
2.and once one foots in the door, im on a direct mission for stardom
to gain the respect of my fellow man and have all of the women adore him
and those supportin me right now, are the same ones ima be sharing with
all the rest can witness as my vigilance transforms into arrogance
maybe in seven years ill claim to be the best rapper alive
then throw a tour thatll allow me to rip the staples and madison live
or maybe ill master a lie thatll keep my status alive
retreat to a life of seclusion and simply act like i died
go back to a life that'll allow me the freedom to relax wit my wife
watch my sons grow into men, never to have to hustle crack in their life
they'll never have to choose whether to rock bandanas to the left or the right
to have to run from the cops and then hide out for the rest of the night
I dont want either one of them to ever know how hunger feels
or to even know how being poor in the hood during the summer feels
I'd kill before that happens, so its better to just let me make it in rap
and if they let me take over, i just cant see them takin it back
but lets face it and be honest, im never making it big
nine times out of ten my kids are gonna die in the same place that i live
but i still follow my dream passion in hopes of making it true
cause who knows what dreams may come with determination and patiance from you

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...583#post3221583

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...576#post3221576

__________________

C.S.

...Is to have Served Your Faction

I liked this peice alot. Although there wasn't alot of imagery, it still managed to keep me reading all the way through, and I like the concept of the dream, thinking about it coming true, and then the significance. You really told the story really well and didn't stray from the topic much. Overall, a great read. Hope to see more from you.

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Hi Nitro...At work right now, but I will try to give you some positive thoughts on your both your writtings...

(1) 1-my dream - This was a pretty strong writting because you were able to use some good words to describe the situation at hand and what you would settle for if you were not able to make the dream situation that you strive for.. You really want to make in the work and have a good description on what you want..

2-me envisioning my dream coming true - I liked the 1st piece better than this one. You still fit some good vocab and word usage in this piece...


Overall, I think you did a good drop on both drops in this piece...

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LPMNDCTE


The B.E.S.T. Crew


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lol good look man, its really all one drop though. its supposed to be a number three in the verse. the whole thing wit the numbers was for the battle to show that i didnt stray off of the topic (what dreams may come). but thanks for the feed. come to think of it, what the fuck happened to my 3, i know it was in there somewhere

__________________

C.S.

...Is to have Served Your Faction

hey 3 or not i'm likin the whole concept/word choice and the way u put it together
keep doin ya thing playboy
plus i relate to what u was sayin the struggle
~one hunnit~

thanks bruh, uppin

__________________

C.S.

...Is to have Served Your Faction