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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
03-09-09, 08:23 AM
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#1
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The Write Weight
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Nâ€-T (1-0) vs Civil. (1-0)
IP: 3839 9710
Week 2 of Write Away Your Thoughts Topical League Nâ€-T vs Civil. Rules RULES No biting No recycling No Swaying If caught biting, auto boot from league, and ban request given. If caught recycling, auto loss for the week, possible boot from league. If caught swaying, 3 votes off per comment in which you 'swayed'. Dates Battles set on Monday. Checkin in Wednesday Midnight Pacific. Drop by Friday Midnight Pacific. Battles Close Sunday Midnight Pacific and new Battles will be posted as well. Once your verse is up you can't explain what it is about or complain it was a 15 minute drop or whatever GOT IT! get it straight writing is never a mistake.... if you fail to make it a good write blame yourself in not having enough influence to getting it down right! If you do this, I consider it swaying so you'll get 3 votes off per comment in which you swayed. LINE LIMIT You must drop more than 8 bars (16 lines) for your verse to be considered official. But, you may not drop more than 25 bars (50 lines), if you do so you will be DQ'd for the week and given a loss. NO SHOWING If you no show, you get an auto loss for the week. If you no show two weeks in a row you will be booted for the remainder of the season. After you no show the first time, I will send a PM to you reminding you about WAYT. If you don't think you can show a week, let me know - ask for an extension, sign out the week before. Do something to prevent no showing. We do not want this league to become inactive. EXTENSIONS! Extensions will be granted by Write & I. If you don't have a good explination, your fucked. & you also will need to PM us ahead of time, not 5 minutes before they're due, we're not dumb your just lazy. I'm gonna say you need to send us your extension request by Thursday Midnight Pacific. Any extension request after that time will be denied. Note: We won't be granting extensions to those who repeatedly request every week. If you are having trouble showing, you'll take the loss. Duration of Season this is goes on for 12 weeks not including a one week pre-season. the playoffs is elimination so once you lose in the playoffs your OUT there is no second place winner or third, only one WINNER! Playoffs We let everyone get a chance at playoffs. But, the better your record the higher your seed. If you get a number one seed, you'll be battling the bottom of the rack. So get those records up. Voting You MUST vote on 2 battles before Sunday, and post the links of those battles in your 'check in' post. IF YOU DO NOT DO SO: you will be DQ'd. One link will not cut it, both or an auto loss. I don't care if you are winning by 15 votes, if you don't have links and your opponent does, he'll take the win. No if, ands, or buts about it. Follow this rule. Once champ/contender matches are up, you will be required to vote on three battles, at least one has to be on a champ/contender match. I'm so tired of seeing people not voting on champ matches because they're a little longer or they feel they'll be dickriding. Just vote, it makes the league run smoother. It doesn't take but about 4 minutes. So, if you don't follow these rules, I'm giving no warnings. I'm very strict about this, and the rules will be linked in every battle every week. No excuses. Checkin in Wednesday Midnight Pacific. Drop by Friday Midnight Pacific. Voting ends Sunday Midnight Pacific. Topics MUST HAVE 2 LINKS IN CHECK-IN Last edited by Jonathon : 03-09-09 at 08:26 AM. |
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03-09-09, 08:58 AM
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#2
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What' it do?
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IP: AA5B 746B
check. g'luck dog.
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3262204 http://community.rapverse.com/showt...558#post3262558
__________________
Let ME fiiiinnd ooout
Last edited by Civil. : 03-12-09 at 08:37 PM. |
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03-09-09, 06:54 PM
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#3
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Maggot
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IP: 1356 B750
Check....ha haha
(Talk about gettin thrown in the deep end to learn how to swim lol) its alright though good luck man
__________________
Although these words, DIG, DEEP
They offer no relief... |
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03-11-09, 07:43 PM
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#4
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What' it do?
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IP: 91BA 0020
Loss For Words The Founder Of Prayer We set trail, but never once did i think of what yet prevailed How amazing it'd be to survive this journey and get to tell... ...The story of a lost adventure. Where I never expected help Am I alone, or just next to myself? Am I next to anyone else? Am I lost in the neck of the woods, or the neck of the realms My whole life's revamping, and my whole insides are cramping Seriously stuck without hope, I never imagined this trampling Who'd have ever imagined this would happen, by goin camping? We all started out together, With thoughts..... that the farther south the better That, the weather apart from clouds would teather But its so much darker now, i'm sweatin Pondering, my mind was wandering... And it caused me to stray from the group And everything became deranged, and i was detained in a loop Suddenly amazed and at craze thinkin about that day with the troops Now I expected the same, because nothing has ever changed the truth But how would i recieve praise. or be prayed for when i never prayed to you Dear Lord. I'm down by the river, river. Cross my heart. So cold i'm shiverin...shiverin lost in the dark I'm so sorry, sorry for the life i've lived But i'll do anything Lord. ...........Just let me survive this. Its had to have been 8 hours, and what once was day, is definately late now I'm so scared, completely frantic....What i'd do to just lay down. Or even just take a shower.... ....I wish i was a superhero, with some amazing power This is revenge for bein who i've been my whole life. The same coward!! Karma for talkin bad on those who died in the plane and In those towers Everythings been a struggle, i've lived my whole entire life in a bubble Those things that used to be consistent and alive, are now suttle Shootin pistons in the sky, whisperin lies, Just trying to get in trouble I never once had that life, with a wife to hold or even cuddle I committed crimes, done things before and not once was satisfied So all those bad things....I did once, I went back and did em twice. Ditto riiight!!!! I just wanted SOMETHING to complete in my little life I fucked everyone as much as possible, i did everything that hurts. I even tried putting them in the hospital for whatever i'd think of first Always escaping what was logical, avoiding belief of what its worth Changin the scene to audible, Just tryin to change everything on earth Now i'm stuck here, who knows where. Because of who i am Suddenly realizing my faults in life, and believing the truth at hand Dear Lord. I'm down by the river, river. Cross my heart. So cold i'm shiverin...shiverin lost in the dark I'm so sorry, sorry for the life i've lived But i'll do anything Lord. ...........Just let me survive this. Its now close to morning, its almost been a whole day and night Someones got to find me down here, i can't find my own way in fright I won't collapse here, i want to live to an old age and die This whole things been like a book, but the fold in the page aignt right Take control of ya life!! keep tellin myself that, its my only hope I believe now, and i believe that God Knows. Have faith, have control. When i was loss for words....I found words for God. Dear Lord. I'm down by the river, river. Cross my heart. So cold i'm shiverin...shiverin lost in the dark I'm so sorry, sorry for the life i've lived But i'll do anything Lord. ...........Just let me survive this. Within the next hour, he was rescued.
__________________
Let ME fiiiinnd ooout
Last edited by Civil. : 03-12-09 at 08:01 PM. |
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03-11-09, 08:28 PM
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#5
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What' it do?
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IP: 91BA 0020
I think i kind of rushed the ending a bit. I should have thought more on the closing, but i have stuff to do the rest of the week. So i wanted to make sure and get this up, before i got busy. Anyways look forward to seeing ya verse N!
__________________
Let ME fiiiinnd ooout
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03-12-09, 07:36 PM
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#6
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Maggot
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IP: 1356 B750
Like a memory, but at a loss of words This is the last time, often said to some, but these words dig deep inside and they beat like a drum --I need this tonight, just to save my life I need this tonight, then I'll make things right If not it could be the end, it just might But for me to get through this fight, I need this tonight-- THE DECISION Well I'm in debt with the drug mob, and I'm losin my job Got 8 months of probation and a daughter to take care of I'm on my last string, but strung out on "Medz" cause the drugs are sinkin and its fucked with my head and decption of reality I once had is now dead... For in life, we deceit ourselves from whats right and far down the road it will bring to the light Because my mentality detached from reality... and my brains gone insane with thoughts of fatality, Its just not right, But tonight, I need this money to keep up with this fight --I need this tonight, just to save my life I need this tonight, then I'll make things right If not it could be the end, it just might But for me to go through this fight, I need this tonight-- Waitin in the dark alley, on the stoop, lookin for someone to pass THE RIGHT TIME So I wait, contmeplate, the right descision I make, and though its hard, its a simple pill to take... then up straight, an elder passes and a new vision flashes, the time now approaches 'Take this man out, consume all his riches, let him sleep with roaches' Shopping bags in his hand, so I know hes got cash Plans are still, KILL, take what hes got and then dash. Wrap this bandana round my head, and make my disguise I'm now the walkin reaper, and I'll make his demise. Struck hard with my left, took my right and swung down HA, I put this fridged man down and convene him, with the ground Pull out my COLT, but then Time seems to slow down.... --I need this tonight, just to save my life I need this tonight, then I'll make things right If not it could be the end, it just might But for me to go through this fight, I need this tonight-- GUNPOINT. I can barely see him but I know he's there the dim light hides him, but in his shining eyes I stare. My vision is blurred so I can hardly see and my perception turns to judgement and makes me believe that killing this man is my only way out, but then true conscience comes in and destroys my doubt My (drugged) head now starts to say... "SHOOT this fucker down you dont got all day! You know you need this fuckin money so you live through today And hey,this works out good for him right? He don't needa suffer HERE no more he can enjoy the next life... Plus this man is too old, he's been ready death, take him outta this and WATCH HIM breathe his last breath.... thoughts are disrupted, and a quivering voice interrupted 'You don't want to do this sir!' WHAT THE FUCK! fuck this guy, don't try to deny, you know you wanna see this mans brain-cells fly!! he's just fuckin with ya head, oh wait, thats me...so forget that then Cause I control you I own you! Hows that for ya Ben? Oh yeah, and one more, we need more of the gore, so wheres a good place? Better than the guy before? Ok, then Blast him right in the face!" Descion's is almost completeing but broken thoughts are still streaming... And this frivolous work that I keep on leading? Decieveing, but pleasing to the lies that I'm reading..... But what lasted a minute was seeming like a day to me, and now my minds made up Pull the trigger and lets see... ------------- It peirces his head as soon as I know this man is now dead I look around with no sound, then I start to breakdown because I'm emotionally erupted and myself distrusted I peer down in dispair, leave all his belongings there, And walk home alone, cause theres one bullet to spare... HEADLINES: MAYOR JOHN C. O'MALLY IS GUNNED DOWN IN AN ALLEY. (Obituaries: Turn the next page.....)
__________________
Although these words, DIG, DEEP
They offer no relief... |
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03-12-09, 07:38 PM
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#7
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Maggot
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IP: 1356 B750
sorry it took so long but I finally dropped, the limit kind of goes over 50 but I PM civil and he said it was chill, like you I kinda rushed the ending as well but i was runnin outta time and shit and I wanna put all that I had down
Thanks for the votes everyone, goodluck civil.
__________________
Although these words, DIG, DEEP
They offer no relief... |
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03-13-09, 10:22 AM
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#8
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What' it do?
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IP: AA5B 746B
What the fuck? uppin this for votes
__________________
Let ME fiiiinnd ooout
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03-13-09, 11:32 AM
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#9
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text.even geico can do it
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IP: 3AE9 A7D5
Civil-I was feeling this. it was a really good way to approach the topic. I think imagery was the best aspect of your verse, you did a great job describing the surroundings of this lost camper. It sucks that he was with a lot of people and he ended up on his own. especially in the middle of the wilderness. Its a bitch to try and find a way back to civilization. you included the struggling and wondering if he was ever going to make it. and when someones all alone its logical that he would look to his faith for once to guide him. i do agree you should've ended it on a more informative note though. still a nice drop.
Nâ€-T- man, you storytelling skills is dope, and as is the connecting of character. there were just way too many internal errors(lost flow, stretched lines, strange wording, etc.). I really liked how everything had a process to it, and he thought everything out from his little plot to while the mob is still out looking for him. It just didn't seem right that he went and killed the guy for nothing and didn't even attempt to grab some guapo. it made him too innocent and blindsided to his own survival. v/Civil |
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03-13-09, 04:07 PM
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#10
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New Jack
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IP: A1E4 9BCF
Civil - First of all, I havn't seen much from you besides last weeks verse, which I think was better than this weeks, but I can tell you have a similiar topical writing style as to mine. The flow was decent in this and the story was interesting; however, it had the overall feeling of a flawed final product. I think because you rushed it a bit, you didn't live this one out to it's potential. Not to say it wasn't overall still a nice great and a good topical verse, but it could have been better.
vs. NtT - I'll break it up by stanza's for you. First, I think the chorus was cool. It went into the piece well, and it's flow was okay.However, the vocabulary seems plain and common and there isn't any inner multi's. (Just my opinion, but a chorus in any topical piece should have some multi's in it.) The Decision - Your structure takes away from your verse, and chops the flow. In the line "or in life, we deceit ourselves from whats right and far down the road it will bring to the light" that needs to be two lines dude. Overall, this was a decent verse. The Right Time - Decent, lack of any multi's. Gunpoint - Okay, the flow was a bit choppy in spots. Ending - Probably my favorite part of the topical, it provided a twist to the whole story and read very nicely. Overall, I think you could have built up the man's addiction a little more so that the reader could better connect with him as a person and really delve into how he was thinking. I'd revise this and post it as an OM on another site though for more people's opinion. The story and concept were dope, but the final product was somewhat flawed here. Your improving every week though dude, keep it up. Vote - Civil. |
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03-13-09, 04:32 PM
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#11
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Maggot
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IP: 1356 B750
ehh....
Voting links: http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=249529 http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3262787
__________________
Although these words, DIG, DEEP
They offer no relief... |
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03-13-09, 09:11 PM
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#12
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Maggot
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IP: 1356 B750
uppin for votes here...
__________________
Although these words, DIG, DEEP
They offer no relief... |
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03-14-09, 12:32 AM
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#13
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The Write Weight
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IP: 3839 9710
Quote:
Sorry, but I have to enforce the rules that were ever so obvious. Civil. -3 votes for swaying, if you do not have three votes yet, you may use negatives. NT, you get a warning because your comment wasn't word for word whats written down in the rules. Any closer to that type of comment and you both would've been in the negatives. Thanks, Jonathon. |
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03-14-09, 11:17 AM
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#14
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What' it do?
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IP: 91BA 0020
well just take me off the roster for next week, cuz thats stupid.
i posted that before he posted his verse, thats different its not like i said that after both verses were dropped. that'd be swaying. it wouldnt let me edit that into my post, so thats why its separate
__________________
Let ME fiiiinnd ooout
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03-14-09, 12:19 PM
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#15
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The Write Weight
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IP: 3839 9710
as you wish...
im only doing as the rules state... Quote:
I mean, it is right there.. but if your gonna have a vagina attack, go for it. you still have a great chance to win.. and maybe end up in contender/champ match.. |
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