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05-18-05, 11:23 PM | #1 | ||||||
Light Weight
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everynite
IP: 23D5 2B69
I cry everynite just to sleep.
what am i to do? I can't run, can't hide. The past keeps haunting me. scarying me attempting to come around, seek revenge upon me. My sould is weak. I'm begining to breakdown. Can't escape this shadow its always around. Gives off a fearful aura. scared to close my eyes can't seem to find peace every where i go death seems to follow. Taking the lives of my friends and family. It has me living and finishing this life alone yea just a quick short drop...leave some feedback n i'll hit ya back |
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05-19-05, 08:01 AM | #2 | |||
Poet's Daughter.
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IP: F654 3148
Hmmmmm, ok lil imaginary, but you needs to elevate on that. Nice emotion though, kid keep doing like that and your bound to be a good poet writer. I like the rhyme scheme you used, but keep using that rhyme scheme, and add more description and feelings on-to your poem's. It might be short but it holds a bigger amount of emotion.
Leave feed on newest OM check the link in my sig. pz.
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05-21-05, 11:31 AM | #3 | ||||||
Light Weight
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IP: 23D5 2B69
Thanx fa the feedback man...i'll hit up ya om...uppin
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05-24-05, 11:51 PM | #4 | ||||||
Light Weight
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IP: 23D5 2B69
c'mon yall drop some feed pce
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05-25-05, 02:16 PM | #5 | |||||
<<-Carpe Noctum->>
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IP: 28AD 5545
This showed your emoiton,but vocabulary wise,this could have been better, just take a chance and let the words pour out,and don;t stop yourself or cut it short,if you feel something,don't hold back,like i felt you did here. overall it was a nice drop, keep working at it..1
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"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI" O Y D *FluidMusic* *Poetic Scriptures Moderator* |
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05-25-05, 04:57 PM | #6 | ||||
Banned: Biting
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IP: 0086 7B47
well what im going to say is, the LENGTH of this piece could have been better, in my eyes, you cut the story short, but i guess theres a PART 2 to this. your strongest part on this piece was.
Quote:
^^^these were the imagery lines, this is what took me to a higher tinking. but otherwise, this was a mediocre piece. |
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