Sweat pouring DOWN my FACE.. my whole life its like i have a permanant FROWN on my FACE..
everyday i wish i could DROWN in my DISGRACE..
looking down at this BLACK GUN hearing it CRACK would be FUN...
i could never go BACK it could never be UNDONE...
i wish i could pull this TRIGGER and end my PAIN...
make this hole in my head BIGGER then before i CAME...
i have pity on the DIGGER who has to bury my tormented BRAINS...
never had FRIENDS.. never knew LOVE.. never wanted a BENZ...
just wanted to be pure and free like ONE MAN BAND (R.I.P) till he DOVE an his life ENDS...
is anyone even going to notice from ABOVE? my whole life on EARTH has been a DISASTER...
people say ive been posessed by BIRTH they even took me to see a PASTOR... people see my ragged appearance and im not even WORTH the LAUGHTER...
im TURNING the gun over in my HANDS BURNING to see if this was "Part of God's PLANS"...
YEARNING to see what death DEMANDS i have no FEAR of death, just fear of the UNKNOWN...
im glad i have the tool to DISSAPEAR with no GROANS...
because my whole life i've been crying not TEARS.. but STONES..
because my HEART is as hard as a ROCK...
if someone ever said they love me.. i mightve just DEPARTED from SHOCK...
turn the GLOCK over in my hands one more TIME...
take a look at the CLOCK its 12:00.. God your MINE's...
BLAST the gun last thing i see.. the door UNLOCKS and me and death.. start to COMBINE...
starting to feel free far from CONFINED.. this place is the end?? DANM...
its cool.. cuz i think i see my man T-REX, big pun, an 2-pac cyphering with ONE MAN BAND...

R.I.P ONE MAN BAND... T-REX... BIG PUN... 2-PAC...

when they left hip hop was in a state of SHOCK!!!!!

I cant stand the way you use cap letters to try enthesize your rhymes. Peice isnt really that good, omb would of been dissapointed

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Im A Throwback

Hi Dutch,

You had some good emotion in the piece that you dropped, but you need to focus on choosing better words to describe the drops in the future. This was a very rudamentery type of writting that did not involve much complexity within it...

However, it was still an okay-type of drop... Keep dropping them....

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LPMNDCTE


The B.E.S.T. Crew


..................

Next time don't PM me the links post them.

-Mr. Multie

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crhyme sindicate
Open Mic Hall Of Famer

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=246147
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=246565

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crhyme sindicate
Open Mic Hall Of Famer

Could have been done alot better. Something that couldn have made it better and easier to read is if you worked on your structure and stopped capsing letters. It doesn't help and just makes it less enjoyable to read. But you do have potential to be a good writer.

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i think u could be a good writer..just the methods you use right now..are the beginning stages...most ppl probably started like this. just take everyones advice and u could see ur self elevate..stay up man decent drop.

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A LIFE OF CHRYME

For me to give critism truly would be the only thing i could do for OMB didn't really know him like that i just kno he was one of my rivals when it came down to who could multi better that's all i know of him to be honest...

....now for your feed, your emotion is basic, imagry is basic, vocabulary is horrible and in lamest terms childish like, structure was below average pretty much not a piece worth dedication but if it was sincere and from the heart no amount of negative feed could effect your views so i give you props.

elevation is a must.

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crhyme sindicate
Open Mic Hall Of Famer

i could hardly stand to look at this due to your horrible structure. it was wack all around. you need some serious work.

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