the night is young
the moon is full
and my tears
dry apon my cheeks

the street lights flicker
the wind it howls
and my shoe's
ware down from concrete

the smell is fresh
the pain is real
as my blood
seeps into my shirt

the hunger quivers
the weakness stills
and the shadows
have begun to lerk

these eyes shall wonder
these hands will shake
and will continue
untill replinished

the story unfolds
the path is taken
but this poem
I fear to finish

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http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=224819

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=222387

- Thank you

I really liked this.. very original and havent seen anything really like this on here.. the emotion was good could have been a little more solid but the imagery made up for the lack of emotion in parts.. your vocab was average and i liked your choice of short lines and stanzas.. very nice..

RTF on one of my piece either "Oppertunity Knocks" or "A Forgotten Tune"

this was either extremely clever..or sell outish....


because i got to 2n to last stanza..and i was like..."this can't possibly be finished within one more stanza...he needs another 10 stanzas....but in the last sentence..you showed that..that's the point...the great part about this is..it works.....because...if you finish it....well....we all know what


your story telling was good, i got a good grasp of what was happening...and that's always good..however..your imagery was pretty vague....and emotionally..i didn't sense anything behind...so for what it had in concept, and idea, you lack in imagery and emotion

now...i don'[t think that's necessarily important in this piece..but it would have helped

over all..pretty good drop....thanks for the read

__________________

Time is not long, and indecision is hells cemment. So the well is rented, untill heaven is relevant. Untill then, to be eloquent, sex cells, so le'ts cellibate.

"watch what you watchin...fox keeps feedin' us toxin's..stop sleepin' start thinkin outside of the box and unplug from the matrix doctrine....but watch what you say cause big brother is watchin" - nas - sly fox

The I.H.C.J.S.F.M.T.R.H.P.M.M.W.T.S.M.S.I.T.F.F.W.A.S. O Crew

this was nice it reminded of edgar allen poe but cfome on man finish th epoem for real go tme on the edge now and waiting