i was young i was a child hearing the screams
my mother and father were in the room throwing things
my mothers voice lingered with pain
cause my father came home late again

he carried the scent of another woman
how could he do this to his wife and children
he acted as though nothing was wrong
and always convinced my mother with their favorite song

but this time was different you knew it was the last
as you heard the door slam and the car engine clash
my mother was crying, tears pouring rapidly
she was one the floor laying, calling him the enemy

i knew him as dad but now i don't know
i bet he is somewhere with that other hoe
cheating on her like he did my own mom
i wish he would quit i wish he'd would stop

why won't he realize what he is doing is wrong
i am a woman too and he tried to protect me for so long
boys are bad, stay away
they better not cheat that's what he would say

but how can i trust words from a fellow player
i lay at night a say him a prayer
that he will soon become my father
and not be concerned with his lover

and what about my mom what will she do next
shes always alone now she's always depressed
i wish she was happy and not worry no longer
i wish she would smile and let some light enter

what about me and my two other sisters
it's hard because we don't know how to assist her
but everythings fine because we are still a family of four
even though were missing one that damn man whore....

You had a few problems with flow, and rhyming, but it was good, I think that you should set up for it by have it happening a few times, and letting the mom not care. Good verse, I was wondering if you could peep mine, What it's for?

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=44567

Thanks a lot.

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strangely enough... I felt this.
If you wrote this based on life experience I would say that I am impressed because it is always hard to put feelings on paper. you kept it simple and got the message across at the same time.
good job.

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I'm a goblin hooked on rails, stuck drinking ale/ I'll rip the horn out a unicorn and shove it up your fairy tale.

thanx a bunch for your compliments... this was mostly true...writing is just how i get out htings =oD

yo nic spit again eviley check out mine if ya could aight peace out

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thank you.....

Eva the shit is emotional but touching. I feel for u your mom and ya sisters. I sorry u had to go through shit like that but i think the poem was ill.