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Topic= Alone with my thoughts

whyte ave has till tomarrow to drop.....EXTENSION

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check check....

^^^ what he said

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RV's Only 3 Time Topical Tourney Champion

Aiight Check It.....


Im alone with my thoughts, More often than not
I tried to free them, But in travel they got caught
I try to speak with someone, But no one is there
So i continue to think to myself, Cuz no one cares
I sit and contemplate existence and revelations
But my mind and thoughts had prior reservations
To free them is insane, Theres no freedom in my brain
So i to cry to myself, While quietly screaming in pain
I have no one to talk to, No one to confide with
And it hurts to think, No one's there when i try this
No one's there when i slice wrists, all thoughts alone
So when i speak out loud, Im only talking to my soul
Feelings and emotions are bundled closely together
If its raining outside, words stay hidden from weather
Softly behind my skull, On the crevices of my mind
And no matter how hard i try, Im always out of time
Out of time to talk, And also out of time to listen
And no matter what, together my thoughts stay glistened
They never move from their spot, never budge an inch
I let them live there free, And never moved them since


Only 20 today

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RV's Only 3 Time Topical Tourney Champion

thanks for the extension...nice drop, mine aint much been to busy with the new year celebrations...

Under a blanket of darkness I lye
And wonder staring into the black sky
What will I become and is she the one?
And their not done, they’ve only begun
I try and sort them, but those two rerun
Over and over again they play back in my head
No answers are given, but more questions instead
Will I survive on my own? Will I be alone?
Answers swirl in my head forming a deadly cyclone
Of outcomes which could end bad or good
What should I do, I wish I only understood
Which one would be the best thing for me?
There are too many doors for the eyes to see
With each decision, doors open while others close
Do I leave for school in the states and try to expose
Myself to pro scouts, with that I have my doubts
If they would notice me, plus there’s other routes
If I remain, I stay with my girl who I love
She may be the one, but I need help from above
I pray to God to show me some sort of advice
Only answer I know, is life is a toss of the dice

well This is what I Think

Flow Intellegent
Your Openin was kinda weak but you Made up for it in the 3-4 bars id say So I really ignored that ........Your vocabulary was decent nothing that i had to go look up LOL so it was dcent........You Overall Topic Covering was Aii You stayed on topic except for on one bar But Still I Sort of seen Where It mixed wit the topic so i let it slide ........Overall You Did Good your structure was nice and Well Basically You did good so You get A
8.5/10

Whyte Ave
Your Opening Was very Basic I was expecting Alot more better opening from you but anyways . you had a Decent drop Um ......You did seem as if you cut yo lines short and thats what hurt you the most ...it seems like you were rushing and that really messed you up. You sort of fell off topic but you still came dcent your Vocab Wasnt Good But whos is? LOL j/k....Overall I think You need to Slow it down Next time and make A poem That will catch the Readers Attention I Give you a
6/10

Vote : Flow Intellligent

Flow:
Disagree with Dipset i liked your opening bars.........most ppl are afraid to come across with a bit of wit in poems when they write them assuming that 24/7 poems have to be sombre and serious so i like the confidence to go with the wit man.......vocab was well used and not over-done...your topic coverage was aight a few places where you came off topic and went off but it didnt damage ur drop too much...structure was on point.
best bars:
Feelings and emotions are bundled closely together
If its raining outside, words stay hidden from weather
Softly behind my skull, On the crevices of my mind
And no matter how hard i try, Im always out of time

whyte Ave
I liked ur poem overall but at the end of the day it was very basic..you didnt attempt anything if u feel me..you came at the topic and just basically described the topic there was no reflection in your drop....vocab was fine could be a lil more elevated in places...structure was fine....There was nothing wrong with your poem basically you just need to be more creative
best bars:
With each decision, doors open while others close
Do I leave for school in the states and try to expose
Myself to pro scouts, with that I have my doubts
If they would notice me, plus there’s other routes

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VOTE FLOW
No hate bro I just felt Flow's poem had more power in it I liked urs and all but flows poem had more meaning in it and I was on the edge of my seat. Here is how I graded it all together with the top sections in ur poems.


Im alone with my thoughts, More often than not
I tried to free them, But in travel they got caught
I try to speak with someone, But no one is there
So i continue to think to myself, Cuz no one cares
I sit and contemplate existence and revelations
But my mind and thoughts had prior reservations
To free them is insane, Theres no freedom in my brain
So i to cry to myself, While quietly screaming in pain
8.7/10 keep it up flow


WHYTE AV
Under a blanket of darkness I lye
And wonder staring into the black sky
What will I become and is she the one?
And their not done, they’ve only begun
I try and sort them, but those two rerun
Over and over again they play back in my head
No answers are given, but more questions instead
Will I survive on my own? Will I be alone?
Answers swirl in my head forming a deadly cyclone

7.2/10

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vs super

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...918915&posted=1