ok this had good vision to it and made me see the story.the problem was that the story wasnt too original and that hurt you a little not to mention that it is too long for a poem that doesnt rhyme because its much harder for these poems to grab the attention of the people.vocab was good and metaphores worked well for you to keep my attention but i kinda strayed a little towards the end cuz of the length.this is a good piece if you cut it down bout 15-20 lines.i give it a 5/10

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