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Old 08-01-05, 08:54 AM   #1
DQ
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Sixth Sense vs. Still Motion

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You can find the rules if you follow this link: !Rules! Read em...

Check in by Wednesday
Pieces due by Friday
Voting closes by Sunday

Topic: Solitude
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Old 08-01-05, 09:04 AM   #2
Sixth Sense
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Topical Check 1,2,1,2 Sixth's back to business lets go....aye.....lol...g/l...
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Old 08-01-05, 09:47 AM   #3
Still Motion
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Yeah check man. G'luck.
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Old 08-02-05, 07:44 AM   #4
Sixth Sense
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Dark and cold night the weather whistles together
As I thought of the past, love entered my soul forever
To come and to think I could ever have a good relation
Like some chemicals endangered my skin like a mutation
Loneliness feared my heart as I feared the ample of suspects
As this event was my destiny and I had to fulfill my prospects
Like the yesterdays of the days pasts and the future of tomorrow
Alone in the darks of the woods of my body I started to feel sorrow
As my feelings started to feel and my actions started to act I saw facts
I tried movement, the heart started to attack, like if i just had a cardiac
But yet I wasn’t saying my goodbyes like if I was about to leave and just die
I saw the light at my eyes and there I felt a cold wind past me by, intensified
My mind in a way that I could actually feel the happiness of the clown laughter
As this moment I wanted to have a Kodak picture to have the best to just capture
............ohhhhh no i just fell apart.........
my heart.....
had no feeling to restrain ...............i fell and stained
This was made believe im not like this im insane.....
the loneliness made me picture this in the asylum walls...
.....couldnt even call.....with a broken jaw.....
the structure fell apart and i think..... i was about to just lose
in such cases .......................................of my own solitude
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Old 08-05-05, 02:22 PM   #5
Still Motion
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The road of life is bumpy when you cant see ahead
Highways trapped in my head, scripted in lead
As my senses travel these confusing roads
As truckloads of info crash and explode
The glare wearing away my retinas and erodes
Into dust that settles into brail code
I go to feel, but my skins melting from the flames
Hardening into casts signed with unknown names
The aftershock short circuits my ear drums
Neurons go haywire, my senses go numb
With wires surgically inserted into my soul
But they cant pull me out of this hole
Secluded within the walls of my skin
Couldn’t frown as paralysis set in
Numbed to hugs and Deaf to sweet words,
Blind to smiles, muted thoughts forever
I’m lost among the maze of my mind
As my brain’s wrinkles straighten into lines
Forever to travel this labyrinth alone
To roam blindly in paths unknown

But it hurts when you can’t tell you’ve been walking in circles.
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Old 08-05-05, 03:17 PM   #6
King Solo
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good battle..........


i was feeling both verses, both looked good in their own right.....still motion had a clean structure to his piece making his verse flow very well throughout, it was also clear and concise delivering a nice take on the topic, the vocabs in his verse were nice although not as consistent as it cud be, in places it fell off and the complexity wasn't as high as it was to begin with, the best part of the verse i feel was the opening as it showed nice vocabs and imagery with some good emotion in it to.......then sixth sense had a strange structure, especially how it broke up in the end, but there was a line about the structure coming apart and if you meant the structure to be chopped to empower that line then it was dope, other than that you had real nice vocabs in your verse, again though cud be more consistent, i do think that you delivered a better picture to the reader with your verse and the emotion in your piece was above that of still motion.

V/ - Sixth Sense

plz RTF honestly in my tournament battle....
LINK: http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=202505
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Old 08-05-05, 05:46 PM   #7
High Class
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Sixth Sense - I thought your verse was pretty cool. I like what you did with the structure... until the end ....................... doesnt really please me to much, lol... You had a nice twist, a pretty decent idea, so your creativity was there. I felt that your flow was on, on some points... but kinda fell a little on the others... It was still a good write though. you worked well with the topic.

Still Motion - I also liked your write as well... Not as creative, but you had alot better imagery than sixth had. Your vocab was decent, but your bar leangth was lacking for the most part. I felt that if some lines were expanded and filled in more, it would have help you out. I also like what you did with the topic. Somewhere near the end, the flow seemed a little ruff, but other than that it was good... It was well put together, your structure looks very presentable... and you dont have a bunch of fillers, so I gotta give you that at least...

( Trust this was a very hard vote )

vote - Still Motion

Conclusion - This was a very hard vote, but me personaly I felt Motions more... I dont know if others might think different, but ohh well... It was a very close battle and my best wishes goes out to both of you in this battle...
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Old 08-06-05, 08:58 AM   #8
AssasSINation
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up............up..............uppin this..........
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Old 08-06-05, 10:53 AM   #9
FlowIntelligent.
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Sixth Sense:

I felt your piece was ok. The emotion was on track, but the imagery needed to be more descriptive. I want to feel the words you write, not just read them. Your structure was a little bad, but nonetheless your verse was good. Creativity was there, and you followed the topic well.

Overall: 6.4/10

Still Motion:

Your verse was ok. I felt you should have wrote more, and got deeper into the subject. I really didnt like how you approached the topic, i think you could have wrote something more rellevant. But all in all you had a decent verse. Good imagery, and decent emotion which also could have been more indepth. But still you did good.

Overall: 6.2/10


Vote: Sixth Sense


Close battle but sixth pulled this one out.
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Old 08-06-05, 11:23 AM   #10
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Sixth Sense: I like your approach of the topic even though I felt you could have gone more into detail, especially about the last part. The structure made it kinda weird to read at times but nothing too bad though. Your flow was sorta choppy cause your lines kept increasing length-wise, that kinda threw me off you know. The emotion was there, could've used more deeper pictures to portray it maybe but overall it gave off a pure and vivid vibe. Vocab was on point, might be upped here and there but overall, solid piece!

Still Motion: I prefer your approach over the one Sixth Sense used but that is pure personal opinion I suppose. Your piece had a real poetic feeling to it, left room for the readers to think about certain things you said. You had good level of emotion expressed throughout clear pictures which I definitely liked. The vocab was there, not too basic but not too complex either. Your flow was good: had short lines with some internal rhyming. I love how you added the last line, it really finished off your piece you know. Nice one...

In the end, my vote goes to Still Motion because I was feeling his just a little bit more. Close battle though, both dropped good!
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Old 08-06-05, 12:50 PM   #11
L. Veracity
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Sith Sense.....
To come and to think I could ever have a good relation
Like some chemicals endangered my skin like a mutation
^ definetly liked that a lot, it was the 1st thing that stood out as I red your piece...

Like the yesterdays of the days pasts and the future of tomorrow
^ that line would've been better if it wasn't repetative, we know that "yesterday" and "days past" are the same, you should've done it more abstract and related your past thoughts of the future and vice versa for the next part...

As my feelings started to feel and my actions started to act I saw facts
I tried movement, the heart started to attack, like if i just had a cardiac
^ more lines that's kinda repetative in content, we know "actions" "act" so you shouldn't actually SAY that...and "cardiac" is the medical terminology for "heart" so that's repeating yourself too...

from there down the piece was nyce, I liked the imagery in it and how you changed the scenery to everything else being a dream seQuence...pretty nyce work cuz the rest of this saved the entire thing from those middle bars...


[color]Still Motion.....[/color]
Secluded within the walls of my skin
Couldn’t frown as paralysis set in
^ that stood out a LOT to me, the wording of it was great...

Numbed to hugs and Deaf to sweet words,
Blind to smiles, muted thoughts forever
^ more hott lines, I could "feel" this happening, you described the emotion in those words perfectly

VOTE (by far): Still Motion
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Old 08-07-05, 12:41 PM   #12
AssasSINation
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Uppin this for more votes plz......cmon mmore votes......
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Old 08-07-05, 12:49 PM   #13
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ayo man real was feelin both of you peeps drop homie both cats were ill man i liked this battle it had nice approaches and lyrics involved.....sixth man i like how you formed ur structure and ur vocab....emotion was aight too


still motion man u had a nice drop to same shit i said to sixth it goes for you too but for the emotion man reall still motion just edged you sicth a lil bit more


so my vote goes too...still motion!
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Old 08-07-05, 08:24 PM   #14
AssasSINation
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i dont want l.veracity or showdown votes to count cuz i had beef wit them against reality check so dont make them count.....so for me it is still tied....2-2.....really...if u want proof ill show u it but trust me i had beef with them.....
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Old 08-08-05, 01:41 AM   #15
King Solo
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funny how after L.Veracity voted 6th sense still upped it for more votes not caring cuz there was only one vote still in it, but then when it became a 2 vote gap he asked for both to be removed...........not to hate on you cuz we cool and shit so dont take offense from this but just take the loss man.
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