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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
10-17-05, 10:55 PM
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#1
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New to RV
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The Ocean - Feed and Feed Will be Recieved
IP: 6AB9 CC74
The Ocean Ocean breeze swept in off the sea, blowing a scarlet angel’s locks
It freed him from the shackles attaching his empathy to single thought Her lip quivered in shock as they would grapple hips and attack their lips Signifying a bond between two cons, marriage within Catholics A listless kiss would appraise the vows held to contradict themselves He said, “You’re my other half, without you I wouldn’t live.” Breath was held. Silence fell upon the crowd of weary eyes and to his surprise, she replied: ”I’ll adore you like the ocean adores itself” You mean take for granted my beauty and health? He thought and sighed And awaited the pastor to handcuff them in a holy matrimony Where her laughter would cackle in the presence of a ceremony “Speak now or forever hold your peace.” The words derailed his train of thought as it crashed into the waves Her gaze pierced the audience threatening someone to make a say Before a tidal wave would wash away their vital riddles of existence “Okay then… You may kiss the bride.” Thunder cracked the sky as it went awry, for her, anyway And in this instance a voice was heard, objecting their love as ‘instant’ Speculation followed in a rectification of wrong doings His heart was in ruins, her love rested on the bullion viewings An awning of deception spawned what happened next, His defective mind took effect as he hopped in her black Chevette He took his will into effect, planning his own resolve She wouldn’t find a single dime as the revolutions revolved His lawyer understood despite he wouldn’t go too far in depth His fortune was left in the black Chevette, driven off the Mesa St. exit. Links: Blood on the Carpet and in the Closet You Are God
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 Last edited by Barr : 10-18-05 at 03:13 PM. |
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10-18-05, 08:57 AM
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#2
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Not_Indeph
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IP: 20F9 4AAC
nobody feed on this till he brings the links.
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10-18-05, 03:13 PM
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#3
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New to RV
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IP: B219 80DD
Links have been posted, lets get some feeeeeed.
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10-18-05, 03:44 PM
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#4
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Within Eternity's Wither
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IP: 3240 794D
The emotion in this and the imagry in this was respectable thus i give you mines
to me it was kinda poetic thoh..............not too many open mics have this feel i like it thoh you used immense vocabulary to bring out the emotion and set a mood to your peice im very impressed especially on your word choice in give'n points......good drop
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crhyme sindicate
Open Mic Hall Of Famer |
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10-18-05, 11:48 PM
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#5
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New to RV
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IP: 0AD1 A36C
thank you very much.
words you may not know bullion - fortune/gold mesa - long steep cliff
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10-19-05, 07:37 PM
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#6
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New to RV
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IP: 9C42 009B
uppin for food.
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10-20-05, 12:53 AM
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#7
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Guilty Of Chryme
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IP: 3240 794D
Good read.
I liked the concept of this. Had good imagery.. and decent emotion. The vocab was great, and the flow was on point. Quote:
That line was dope.. Ending was cool also.. Stay up' I fed you now you return the favor  -- http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=211864 |
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10-20-05, 05:10 AM
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#8
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Banned: Biting
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IP: 9632 CA47
Good ass shit man. nice imagery.
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10-21-05, 02:26 PM
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#9
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New to RV
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IP: 4EDC A485
up.............
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10-21-05, 10:45 PM
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#10
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The Topical Juggernaut
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IP: 5E81 7A12
Quote:
That line, for me, held alot of emotion and imagery. I applaud you on this peice, it was a good drop and a nice read man. The flow was mostly consistant, it suited the topic. I didnt feel it leaned more poetic than OM.. I liked the fact that OM is getting some decent drops by talanted people for a change. Keep it up man. Peace.
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Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate  The unexamined life is not worth living.
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10-26-05, 01:55 PM
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#11
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New to RV
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IP: 2AC1 D3C5
thx..........................
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