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Old 11-13-04, 07:49 PM   #1
the'holy1
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peace???

IP: 9DAD B739

violence to me
everywere I see
from tv to dvd
even up in mtv
corrupted imagry
infecting me
perplexing me
how can this be
grown up in a world
spending more money on weaponry
poor people die'n Unnecessary
a lesson u see
we can let poor live free
spend less on weaponry
investing in there future
makes more sense to me
keep them free from hunger in *(hungary)
eventually we'll see change in global econemy
no need for bombs u see
terrorists got new jobs in industry
now they tourist guides for people like me
nice imagery
just a thought though it could never be
so long as evil resides in the world and me.
all eyez on peace.

peace???
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Old 11-13-04, 08:23 PM   #2
intensify effect
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decent drop....

FLOW WAS GOOD...
creativeness was ok u know average...
topic was ok u know average...

all around decent drop...... 6.8 outta 10...

u gotta focus more then just flow...
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Old 11-13-04, 09:00 PM   #3
ADachiyun
 
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Decent Drop? Are You Kidding?
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Old 11-13-04, 09:16 PM   #4
Ysdat
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Try extending your line's a bit. You have good rhyme's just short line's.

every little thing seem's like violence to me
troubled youth everywere I see
from tv to dvdeven up in mtv
it's like it right to show corrupted imagry
with all this mind poulltution infecting me
all these strange thing's perplexing me
so i sit back and ask how can this be
is it right to be growning up in a world
were goverment spending more money on weaponry
and just letting poor people die'n Unnecessary
so take this as a lesson u see
with unity we can let poor live free
it time to spend less on weaponry
and investing in there future
it's this sorta thinking makes more sense to me

blah.. i just tryed to add more to it as an example....

but with longer line's you can get a better flow.

pz
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