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Old 06-27-05, 01:02 AM   #1
Dervla
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I gagg

IP: 6E28 0B26

Palms of fingers on my wind-pipe
Gag....gagg
Sights of the devil eyes
My eyes weeps with tears
Gagg....Gagg
Feeling so light headed
Stopped struggling feeling so weak
Gagg...Gagg
My mouth wide open, air comes out
Desperate for more air to come in
Gagg...Gagg
See scars on your face from my fingernails
So deep, your blood Is what i taste in my mouth
Gagg...Gagg
My legs stop moving, hopeless like an loose leaf
I want to breathe, but i can't..I want to see but i cant
No gaggs...No gaggs
My tongue is hanging out from my jaw...
I taste the air..but my taste buds dont answer
No Gaggs...No gaggs
My body turning cold, my soul has been lefted
Life I'm departed...Heaven I'm now in

Quick key.........
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Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
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ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
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Old 06-27-05, 01:12 AM   #2
~*Khatharsis*~
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*will edit with feed*
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Old 06-27-05, 01:32 AM   #3
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"I gagged" when i read this...you had a good idea but a terrible ioutput....my advice revamp it and up your vocab and play with your words...1/10 the 1 for effort sorta...jus being honest
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Old 06-27-05, 01:38 AM   #4
Dervla
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Uh k Like i said quick key...............Uppin...................
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mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*
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Old 06-27-05, 01:45 AM   #5
Valor
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naw i didnt think it was that bad for a quik key,nice job on being creative,good idea here could of did more with it, kind of weird style but word it was decent,the imagery was decent, you had a little emotion,anyways this wasnt bad, but also wasnt great,It WAS A LITTLE ABOVE AVERAGE......7/10 not bad for a quik key.....
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Old 06-27-05, 02:03 AM   #6
Dervla
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Thanx Valor......................................Uppin
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mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*
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Old 06-27-05, 02:57 AM   #7
[Font]
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wanna topical tweety?
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Old 06-27-05, 04:03 AM   #8
BiZzO
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tweety, see valor agreed with me, its gud for a key, the idea, was gud like they all said, but u needed to come with more, but as u said it was a key and was gud for that, the emotion was cool, structure was a bit weird, your imagery was gud, i thought it was gud for a key, dont worry what the hater says.. werd.. uppin for this nice job..
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Old 06-27-05, 07:47 AM   #9
Dervla
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Thanx for the feedback uppin...........................
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mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*
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Old 06-27-05, 10:35 AM   #10
DQ
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Aight, this was decent but I seen far better from you though. What's with the repetitive "gagg...gagg..." hehe. Nah but it's creative concept you went with here, emotion was definitely strongest aspect. Imagery was there but not too much though. Like your writing style, it's original and interesting. Keep it up girl! And rtf sexy
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Old 06-27-05, 12:13 PM   #11
Bangalore
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Valor
naw i didnt think it was that bad for a quik key,nice job on being creative,good idea here could of did more with it, kind of weird style but word it was decent,the imagery was decent, you had a little emotion,anyways this wasnt bad, but also wasnt great,It WAS A LITTLE ABOVE AVERAGE......7/10 not bad for a quik key.....


just exactly what are you smoking? crack? 7/10? please my 9 year old cousin could write something better than that... don't even give credit to it for being a quick key
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Old 06-27-05, 12:34 PM   #12
Dervla
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Capisco
just exactly what are you smoking? crack? 7/10? please my 9 year old cousin could write something better than that... don't even give credit to it for being a quick key



Uh.....ok.....Look you left a feed...Now bye....Everyone has different opinions.
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mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*
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