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12-20-07, 04:25 PM | #1 | ||||||
New Jack
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man up!!!(cant smile) realist ish i ever wrot
IP: BDDA 2CBF
ive lived a serious life so i cant smile
im just another man child they tryna bring a man down but i stand proud cause when you cant smile they see no grins so i trust no kins, and trust no friends weed cost my health, i smile off my wealth, but besides that ive lost myself confused cause im tryna find me so mad i literally wish a nigga would try me i get on my knees and ask god WHY ME!!! wish i had somebody to runaway to and hide me should i be a blood and be 5 poppin entrepreneur weed im coppin cause when all you know is hood niggas thats the only option i cant smile so in the inside i cry cocky with my style cause im fly seems like funny jokes are not funny the oly time i smile is when i got money i cant see whats my path like havin no car lights but when you livin a hard life... its hard to see youngins try..but im one nigga its hard to be http://www.community.rapverse.com/s...d=1#post3197140 http://www.community.rapverse.com/s...d=1#post3197141 Last edited by wiley d : 01-14-08 at 11:55 AM. |
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12-20-07, 07:20 PM | #2 | |||||||
I made it and il end it
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IP: 65E3 9A1F
feelin it bro!!! like it!! tellin my life how it was un how it is. quality piece!!!
9/10 keep uppin!!!!!!!!! peace |
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12-22-07, 11:19 AM | #3 | ||||||
New Jack
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IP: 3012 8573
good lookin on the feeback,
u give me feedback and ill give u feed can i get more feedback |
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12-24-07, 08:28 AM | #4 | |||||
New to RV
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IP: 891B 44D0
Decent generic piece, step ur vocab up. not too much emotion but this was cool. keep tryin.
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i bring the arsenal like arsene wenger Last edited by KON : 12-24-07 at 09:48 AM. |
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12-24-07, 12:00 PM | #5 | |||||||
I made it and il end it
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IP: A84A 3CDF
yo man could u leave sum feed on mines,as i have for you cheers. peace
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12-28-07, 10:25 PM | #6 | ||||
..........
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IP: 627A 9BFF
....ahh same style u still have the short text verses.....w/e though thats u keep doing what u do.....this was decent for it being short...content was there....its just too short to me ....i still wanna see a long well thought out piece by u to see what u really can bring.....~1~
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B.E.S.T.....HAHA |
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01-09-08, 09:43 AM | #7 | ||||||
New Jack
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IP: A1B5 6324
good lookin on the feedback .. can i get more
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01-09-08, 11:04 AM | #8 | |||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 7B63 A81B
came decent boi.. i like to use punchlines so im like, man if u could use those on some emotional shit.. itta b raw..
"ive lived a serious life so i cant smile im just another man child they tryna bring a man down but i stand proud" this was good and the rest of the first verse.. But THIS: "youngins try..but im one niggas its hard to be" I did not get.. lol overall good skit boi.. dont see what beat this would goto 6/10 holla
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42 Keez__Phenom1__SKePTiK ReppiN www.soundclick.com/keezproductionz |
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01-14-08, 11:53 AM | #9 | ||||||
New Jack
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IP: BDDA 2CBF
good lookin in the feedback.. can i get more
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01-30-08, 08:28 PM | #10 | |||||||
illmatic
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IP: 791C CF81
Nice piece. As said before too short and didnt flow write. Also work on your vocab. But i liked what was said. I liked the concept and the feel. Keep doing you
6/10
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The only thing to fear is fear itself and fear conquers all!!!! |
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02-06-08, 06:53 PM | #11 | ||||||
New Jack
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IP: 3012 8573
i appreciate your feedback can i get more
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02-06-08, 09:44 PM | #12 | |||
сварливый
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IP: 30B6 8894
ive lived a serious life so i cant smile
im just another man child ^ What the fuck is a manchild? they tryna bring a man down but i stand proud ^ basic rhyming, ok cause when you cant smile they see no grins so i trust no kins, and trust no friends ^ aight, but basic rhyming still weed cost my health, i smile off my wealth, but besides that ive lost myself ^ uh lol ok confused cause im tryna find me so mad i literally wish a nigga would try me ^ gay whore? i get on my knees and ask god WHY ME!!! ^ lol. wish i had somebody to runaway to and hide me yeahz lol should i be a blood and be 5 poppin entrepreneur weed im coppin ^ quit talking about weed :\ cause when all you know is hood niggas thats the only option ^ no it aint lol i cant smile so in the inside i cry cocky with my style cause im fly ^ no u aint seems like funny jokes are not funny the oly time i smile is when i got money ^ ok lol i cant see whats my path like havin no car lights but when you livin a hard life... ^ what about it?... its hard to see youngins try..but im one nigga its hard to be ^ meh overall just a weak piece needs more emphasis just try harder next time and create sentences lol
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02-07-08, 04:26 PM | #13 | ||||||
New Jack
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IP: 0EE5 EB09
u fuckin dumbass , man child means im a mans child cause i dont know my father.
us is one dumbass ,ignorant ass nigger<<with a er |
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