mentalzima be real with you this shit was hot nevermind the"too long 2 read dispute"
the problem wit om heads is they act like they dont have time 2 che ck some 1 else's work but expect everyone 2 reply 2 they'res feel me?fuck the bullshit beef that we got im comin real dawg nice drop stay up peep my new shit titled new shit on here...peace

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my new shit peep

Uppin for the last time, appreciate the feed.

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Blow It - Topical

cmon you homoe, don't sleep on this, it's good as hell

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put it to a beat and then we'll talk about the quality of it

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southbeachmiamiho

Put my cock in your mouth and we'll talk about the quality of you shutting the fuck up.

Seriously getting tired of audio heads hating on OM pieces just because they're unable to make it flow to a beat themselves.

Talent, take a bite, chew it up. It's good.

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Blow It - Topical

Sweet, Hall of Fame. Appreciate it.

Bumpin' something dope since nothing dope gets dropped anymore.

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Blow It - Topical

Ok, I see pieces like this getting garbage feedback and it makes me feel sympathetic, so for one time only, and ONLY because it was a dope piece I will give you some real feedback.

I'm sure a lot of people didn't understand the beautiful simplicity of this piece, and thought maybe the man suffered from bi polar syndrome which my mother struggles with but God willing can control it. Luckily I've never had a taste for drugs except a bit of weed now and again when the mood takes me, but I know how easily it ruins lives just like the one of this man, and the people who suffer are ALWAYS the loved ones.

I wasn't sure why you used *sniff sniff* between the paragraphs until the end. I thought he was crying or some shit but it all fitted when I read these lines.

Daddy's gone and opportunity unfolds it's arms to hold the neglected soul
... Rejected tolls till the infected coils it's scourge around the bill she holds ...
She mimics Daddy's bold poise & unleashes the noise of the deaf instructor
She inhales the product and conducts the unthinkable ... the breath of comfort
She coughs as her head aches from blood baked on caked membrains laced
Dawn evaporates to hate as the walls disapate till she's taunt with pain & numb.

^Dope as fuck. I wasn't sure about the deaf instructor metaphor but the breath of comfort and the image of the arms of death unfurling to 'comfort her' was ill. I love your style, it's very similar to that of Bounce who is arguably the best OM writer on RB. The metaphors intertwined with multies and a very nice flow made it that much better to read.

The description on how his addiction worsened and how his daughter suffered as a consequence was very nicely done, and the cliffhanger ending with her in a coma was also skillfull as it left the reader very curious as to what happened to her. The only thing I thought you could have done a bit better was outline the daughter a bit more. Maybe make her age a bit clearer as she could have been anywhere between 4-10 by the sounds of it. Also the switch in Point of View was very well done but if you used a few lines to convey her emotions in between her actions, it would have improved it slightly.

As it was, it was fucking dope, great job.

The phrase "She mimics Daddy's bold poise & unleashes the noise of the deaf instructor" simply shows the reader that actions speak louder than words. In this case everything he did in front of her finally coerced her to do it too. "deaf instructor" implying he was never there to teach her right from wrong.

I really appreciate the informative feed you left bro. I'll return the favor in like manor.

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Blow It - Topical

It's really no problem, I'd have left more in depth feedback but I only had like 5 mins to type it all up as I had football training at 6. What site do you mainly go on? Because topical wise you're much too good for RV. You should sign up for Sacred Scriptures on RB where there are much better heads and it'll inspire you to elevate and keep getting better.