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View Poll Results: Who won?
DrasticMeasureZ 0 0%
In-Depth 4 100.00%
Voters: 4. You may not vote on this poll

 
 
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Old 11-29-04, 07:45 PM   #1
Keith Moon
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DrasticMeasureZ vs In-Depth

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...Topic: Imigration...
...20 lines max...
...check in due Wednesday...
...Verse due Saturday...
...2 Votes due on Monday...
...Have fun good luck
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Last edited by ..::InGeNiUs MiNd::.. : 11-29-04 at 08:20 PM.
 
Old 11-30-04, 04:43 PM   #2
DrasticMeasureZ
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Wow~!........its My Homie Iam Facing.......aiiiiight In-deph.........i've Been Waiting For This So Long................so Bring Your Best And I'll Bring Mine~!


Chea...................checking In Early........monday 11/30/04 Chea
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THE SLEEP & THE DREAM-
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wreckage
Very fucking Nice man, deep shyt, Ima nominate ya for Best poet.

Uppin this for drastic....10/10.....NICE SHYT MAN keep it up.


SEE THAT EMPIRE WERD~!

P.S.A

COMING SOON-GODS BETRAYL
OUT NOW-THE SLEEP & THE DREAM
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Old 11-30-04, 05:06 PM   #3
Kawn Flixx
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yep.....Too bad I'ma own you...werd ........

checkin in...
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Old 12-03-04, 09:44 PM   #4
Kawn Flixx
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ok sory..I had to make it 20 lines max..so
the story is rushed like a bitch lol..
here it goes

Diary... of Julio Hernandez


September 8th, 2004
Cuba's becoming disgraceful..de ja vu of curruption
feelings continously hateful..reminist of destruction
Castro isn't there in the mind..he restricks our freedom
the stories I've heard..at 1st ear I didn't believe em..but
god damn him...tortured people with bags..so they can't
see him..and if the henchman says a word its considered
treason? there all heithans...and he dares embed a cross
around his neck..he isn't blessed..that's total disrespect
my family is planning a trip..to the land of free will..if
it is real..I want to hold on to the hope..that I still feel
with the incoming jobs..maybe we can eat a real meal

September 11th,2004

I finnaly caught a fairy to my destination..after alll the waiting
the money we were saving..although I got word the U.S. was racist
can't be truth..because the rules of Life..there are in a casing
a constitution and democratic goverment..I sware anything is better
take my havoc anything other then.. any choice is a voice
maybe the split of life..is a awake up call..people are not toys
I me and my family were explaiming Horra..Our hopes were too large
the U.S. went too far..we couldn't get in//they stated they past a new law
immigration is federal offence..and we need to go between the bars
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Old 12-04-04, 04:13 PM   #5
DrasticMeasureZ
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NOW

In a white chapel marrying this strange women hired by my own mother
Paid her 10,000$ to be my beloved, there wasn’t any love involved here
Pretending to be happy My whole family came here enjoy this fake wedding,
Boxes being placed on the beautiful table but it wasn’t any special objects in it
Do u take this ? The strange women said with an pretending loveable voice. Yes
You may kiss the bride? Disgust to kiss this strange women. My chest touching her breast
Everyone gotten up and clapped, fake tears was dropping like an stunt person fake act
didn’t sense any feelings for this strange women I was just glad I was out the war state
Going by the plan, get married, go separate, few years later get divorce, and that’s it
I feel guilty to leave the rest of my people back in the war state, I guess I’m lucky was it?



THEN MY MIND TURNS




FLASHBACK

The days I’ve been in this cell, has puttin me through fire ……like hell
The burning flame whip , left burnt bruises while I was screaming for help
Hanging on the wall, smelling like arm-pit musk. Smelling terrible. I reek
I’m thirsty I need holy water plz god use ur hands to break these chains free
I’m skinny, as an straw, with no fluid, food, or happiness being sipped in
My teeths has full of cavaties my life is not even like candy not sweetin
The air was pollutant, I still can smell the gun smoke flowing in my nostrils
I can still hear the bullets being blazed, still hears the soldiers body dropping
But I’m not there, I’m smelling fresh air, I’m hearing birds calls from every direction
An big building that I’ve got my sight on, today is the day. I walk in the office imigration



WELCOME TO THE STATE OF USA DRASTIC MEASUREZ__________________________


HEY I TRIED CHEA
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THE SLEEP & THE DREAM-
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wreckage
Very fucking Nice man, deep shyt, Ima nominate ya for Best poet.

Uppin this for drastic....10/10.....NICE SHYT MAN keep it up.


SEE THAT EMPIRE WERD~!

P.S.A

COMING SOON-GODS BETRAYL
OUT NOW-THE SLEEP & THE DREAM
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Old 12-04-04, 07:07 PM   #6
Elemental Soul
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yea both had some interesting peices and ya came creative as well.but i was feelin indephs more cuz he displayed knowledge of the cuban imigrations and all that shit that happened.he had a good story line and so did drastic measurez.drastic had good creativity but im not sure if its just me but there was many parts in drastics piece where he didnt rhyme or maybe its just his accent pronounciation slang shit or sumthin.well this was a close one,both of ya'll keep it up...
vote/Indeph
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Old 12-04-04, 10:24 PM   #7
La Cosa Nostra
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Aiight.. Indepth, You have a kind of weird writing style thats really hard to pick up flow on at times.. But the factual nature of your peice really worked well to give me an image in my head. Wasnt bad at all actually. Only other thing I sort of had a problem with was how you cut off your verse half way through, and the rhyming sort of didnt seem to come to an end.. Instead it sort of sounded forced..

DrasticMeasurez, Well I can tell you having been writing topicals for that long brutha, but it wasnt a bad effort.. Main problems and things to work on would be your flow more than anything.. The lines were really badly stretched with only one rhyming word at the end of the line.. And also staying on topic.. I really didnt get where you were going once you flipped over to the second paragraph.. It was like you were starting a new story or something..

Im gonna give this vote to Indepth. For IMO a better representation of the topic.

Peace.
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Old 12-05-04, 07:49 PM   #8
Keith Moon
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Basicaly Drastic you skipped around a little too much.........yours couldve been dope with a longer line limit...you need to practice your rhyme scheme

Indepth-good job.....yours was a good story...I felt the hate towards castro......good job

v/Indepth he described his better
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Old 12-05-04, 11:21 PM   #9
Untraceable
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indeph-aight u conveyed imagry in yours........you stayed on the topic more.........you had facts about cuban immigration.......your flow kinda seemed to fall off here and there tho.......good story man.......

drastic-your flow seemed off more than ideph's..........your structure was iffy..........you didnt have too much of a rhyme scheme goin on there..........you kinda went off topic......i understand ur fisrt verse was setting up the topic but it kinda took away from the topic itself........just next time try to convey all your lines towards the topic.......just elevate some man......no disgrace in trying man......

v/indeph.
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Old 12-06-04, 02:34 PM   #10
Premanition
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alrite this was quite a gud battle here...

indeph - nice verse, ya related ya story to some interestin topics, flow was gud n you had some nice multis in there, nice emotion too....liked

drastic - i was surprised to how gud this was dawg didnt know u cud write topically, ya flow n structure were off in places but generally gud...gud emotion n gud imagary but i think u were just outclassed on this occasion, nice dawg but just keep elevatin...

v/indeph

props to both

can y'all hit mine n i.mind's battle...thx
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Old 12-06-04, 06:36 PM   #11
Keith Moon
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In-Depth wins by K.O.
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