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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
09-02-04, 07:25 PM
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#1
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Bonecrushing Nigga
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..::Kingdoms Revolt::..
IP: 8807 27E9
..::|Kingdoms Revolt|::.. . ..::|Thy Kingdoms Clashing|::.. Lurking Beneath the ground, darkness racing, Sounds of Gods angels pacing… The battle Roar for sky, The Devil’s Will Cry, sounds of the devils scream racing… Apocalypse Now, Hell is bringing it to the surface, about to terminate the purest… Angels getting ready for the battle, rejoicing, thinking them winning is surest… Hell and heaven weapons clashing, they leaving the place but leaving it blasting… Angels asking, “will earth be ruined after this”, or will fate be leaving it lasting… Back to the War On Earth, many warriors wounded and hurt, but this war is worth… Land wrecked with darkness and dirt, Earth’s a wasteland but was beautiful at birth… Lucifer’s revolt, Arch’s stopping Hellfires to a halt, it’s the fucking devils fault… Jolt the warriors of heaven, chances of either winning is slim, as small as salt… . ..::|Waves Of Attack|::.. Seen from afar, Shadow Knights arising, from the clouds they go, to the city, fighting… Angels arrows hit direct to the source of evils, flee from the lighting, darkness biting… Just the start, Heavens lightning penetrates the dark, burns the devils black heart… Still not giving up, sends demons for a start, breaking the gates, none will depart… Archs take the head of the crew, swords they drew, and many have John slew… Violent to be true, cries out loud, saying to the each other “The Winner isn’t You”… Second Wave, God sends angels to flight, shooting like light, Angel generals to fight… Command the Elite, Down Hell they go, Devils attack with might, angels take the smite… Lucifers Castle wrecked, flaming eyes, a cylinder of fire, smoking angels to get higher… Tornado of black flame, stopping angels in there tracks, Lucifers all-ruling desire… . ..::|Diabolical Plans|::.. Plans to take over, a massacre indeed, take the route to the secret stair, none will be seen… From Hell to Heaven, the stairs lead, Lucifer walking up, like stepping out, from the scene… Plan A is progress, devils make a diversion for their master, giving him enough time to succeed… The now devils been caught, talking they proceed, asking for Lucifer, and giving directions to mislead… Plan A was a success, they went the wrong way, instead of going the stairs, went to Hells Bay… Long searching for Lucifer, though He, Lucifer was close to the top, but went well on his way… The Archs knew they been tricked, mislead, but when they found the stairs, he was already gone… Thus, came dawn, none knew it was still on, so God sent a message for angels to be withdrawn… So God and his angels went away, not knowing Lucifer was up there now, expected the unknown… Lucifer finally made it to the palace, and he want to reign, and now spots Gods throne… . ..::|The Takeover|::.. Flames ascends from Hell to Heaven, ultimately destructing Gods palace, the battle reigns… Angels fled, all gone, Devils made a world of pain, Chaos represents, a world gone insane… Lucifer marches towards Gods mighty throne, him alone, takes it, but the throne turns to stone… Wondering what happened, expecting ultimate control, he was booted, Lucifer was overthrown… Seeing Gods mighty hand, signals the running of Lucifers crew, though he stands his ground… Dumbfound, God sends his mighty angels to surround, horns of light, gives the heavenly sound… God has come back to finish this final fight, angels returning, devils burning, it’s a clash… Angels confident, Angels saying, “God will take him out”, “like dumping the trash.”… Enrages the devils anger, it’s been put up to the max, Lucifer screaming “I WILL WIN… Boost up, Gods heavenly strength, must save the world from sin, final fight, let the battle begin… . ..::|Final Onslaught|::.. The clash of the mightiest, using the power of the fighting fist, but Lucifer lucks drowned… Already beaten to the ground, but unleashes hellfire, saying “this time your going down”… Hellbound not so?, he’ll be knocking off the crown, the Fire? Gods light diminishes it… It’s God who’s gonna finish it, the battle’s lit, angels chanting “ the devils full of shit”… Now the heavenly father draws his holy sword, almighty power of heaven, sends forth light… Struck the devils demonic body, what a smite, the demons partly dead, it’s Gods delight… Lucifer picks up his wicked sword, strikes God, and has taken Him to our Earth… God regains his power, thinking “losing is not worth” Devil get struck, Now down and hurt… Final battle phase, Gods raging anger of annihilating this fiend, omni-power it’s Godsended… Striking Lucifers demonic heart, withers away, Lucifers sinful reign has ended…………
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Guess who?... ...Paramik Fuckin'...
...Owns You! ||RVS Text Champion||
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09-02-04, 07:27 PM
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#2
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Bonecrushing Nigga
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IP: 8807 27E9
My First Open Mic and Topical.
Please Give Feedback. Made in 5 hours non-stop thinking and typing. 
__________________
Guess who?... ...Paramik Fuckin'...
...Owns You! ||RVS Text Champion||
Last edited by Paramik : 09-02-04 at 07:34 PM. |
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09-02-04, 07:57 PM
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#3
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Bonecrushing Nigga
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IP: 8807 27E9
What is this shit to fucking long i need some feeback
LOL
__________________
Guess who?... ...Paramik Fuckin'...
...Owns You! ||RVS Text Champion||
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09-02-04, 07:59 PM
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#4
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$Thug Life$
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IP: 7113 B39E
was long and worth readin it was pretty tight...
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OutLawz
*(`'·.¸(`'·.¸**¸.·'´)¸.·'´)*
«´¨`·..* G_$peed *..·´¨`» *(¸.·'´(¸.·'´**`'·.¸)`'·.¸)*   _____________________
Hot Songz
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09-02-04, 08:09 PM
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#5
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New to RB
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IP: C1DA C961
That was a very uplifting piece. Something must have really inspired u. I appreciate that one. It had good wordplay and all that. 5 hours??? I couldn't do that!!
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09-02-04, 08:11 PM
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#6
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$Thug Life$
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IP: 7113 B39E
Quote:
WORD^^^^^^WORD
__________________
OutLawz
*(`'·.¸(`'·.¸**¸.·'´)¸.·'´)*
«´¨`·..* G_$peed *..·´¨`» *(¸.·'´(¸.·'´**`'·.¸)`'·.¸)* _____________________
Hot Songz
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09-05-04, 04:05 PM
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#7
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Bonecrushing Nigga
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IP: E587 9CBA
upping
__________________
Guess who?... ...Paramik Fuckin'...
...Owns You! ||RVS Text Champion||
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09-05-04, 11:59 PM
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#8
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Blow Me
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IP: 7D7A FF3D
really long took some time to read... good complex rhymes.. just keep up the good work paramik.. and check out MINDZ KOLLIDE..
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My Lines Are ILL yo |
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09-06-04, 05:06 AM
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#9
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Out-Spoken
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IP: 07C4 2839
dope dope dope dope.....fantastic syllable count..good rhyme scheme and multis...concept was nice and you carried your idea beautifully...it was long...but the transitions made it an easy read...the only thing i would reccomend for you to do differently..use complete sentences more often...what you did was fine for this piece...it couldn't of been better.....but just for other pieces....it'd be a good idea...anyways....much respect to ya....and it took me around 35-45 minutes to write anti trust....just to answer your question....keep droppin..and let me know so i can keep readin
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Seek & Destroy We have fun in my basement Time is not long, and indecision is hells cemment. So the well is rented, untill heaven is relevant. Untill then, to be eloquent, sex cells, so le'ts cellibate. "watch what you watchin...fox keeps feedin' us toxin's..stop sleepin' start thinkin outside of the box and unplug from the matrix doctrine....but watch what you say cause big brother is watchin" - nas - sly fox The I.H.C.J.S.F.M.T.R.H.P.M.M.W.T.S.M.S.I.T.F.F.W.A.S. O Crew
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09-06-04, 06:19 AM
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#10
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Light Weight
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IP: 5C3E 0FF3
divine poetry! real nice man, i can definitely appreciate your 5 hour effort! it took a while to read but it was worth it, the story and rhyme are excellent... let's see more of this stuff!
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People take my word even when I sound kind of absurd But one senses nonsense when my two cents get heard  Rhythms Want free beats? Check out Anno Domini Beats |
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09-06-04, 11:07 AM
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#11
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Bonecrushing Nigga
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IP: E587 9CBA
yea i been writing a new one about some thing else
yea this is my first open mic um Wildfire yours was good and damn 45 min you must be real good Thanks but is it really that good??
__________________
Guess who?... ...Paramik Fuckin'...
...Owns You! ||RVS Text Champion||
Last edited by Paramik : 09-06-04 at 02:00 PM. |
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09-06-04, 01:58 PM
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#12
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Moderator
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IP: 7342 E2BF
Dope.. Period.
Structure was good.. flow was on target.. Rhyme scheme was tight.. nice inner rhyming.. Topic was original.. and u managed to make it work.. Overal.. tight ass peice.. Vote - Open Mic Of The Month. |
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09-06-04, 04:37 PM
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#13
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Out-Spoken
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IP: 07C4 2839
yeah it took me tops at 45 minutes....but it was unusual...the words just kept comin to me...usually it takes around an hour-2 hours to write somethin more than decent...but this time i was "in the zone" as cliche as that sounds...
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Seek & Destroy We have fun in my basement Time is not long, and indecision is hells cemment. So the well is rented, untill heaven is relevant. Untill then, to be eloquent, sex cells, so le'ts cellibate. "watch what you watchin...fox keeps feedin' us toxin's..stop sleepin' start thinkin outside of the box and unplug from the matrix doctrine....but watch what you say cause big brother is watchin" - nas - sly fox The I.H.C.J.S.F.M.T.R.H.P.M.M.W.T.S.M.S.I.T.F.F.W.A.S. O Crew
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09-06-04, 07:15 PM
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#14
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Bonecrushing Nigga
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IP: E587 9CBA
damn you must been dope lol
stop sleeping on this please feedback
__________________
Guess who?... ...Paramik Fuckin'...
...Owns You! ||RVS Text Champion||
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09-06-04, 07:58 PM
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#15
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New to RV
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IP: FDA6 F542
Tight rhyme, kinda reminded me of a mid evil book, lots of talk of sorcery, and poetry. the way you worded it made it flow good, and had a lot of multies. one thing to do different though, is sometime its ok to write stuff like this (mostly poetry) but for rap, try to make something more ppl can identify with. overall, id say 8.3/10
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