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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
01-05-04, 11:59 PM
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#1
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Guest
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"For what its worth"
IP: 2AF2 3A0F
for what its worth, i never cared
about it, like it changed the way i doubt it, so its like my life is shit i faked it, so now i quit that its im done fuck it fuck everyone so you changed so you say everyday you act the same but i can believe you no i cant its what you made me think im the chosen the one you looked to for what its worth i'll never forget you |
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01-06-04, 08:18 PM
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#2
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IP: 1B81 17C4
it was a simple peice
i would say lengenth your lines, dont use such simple rymes, get more detail but not to bad for 6 drops |
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01-08-04, 09:32 PM
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#3
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..Soft Focus..
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IP: 1B3B C284
Simplistic no doubt...but you could elavate..do what he said and work on some creative lines...like use some more depth detail and try and create a setting...but good read non the less for a start
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01-08-04, 10:41 PM
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#4
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Guest
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IP: 4577 CD9A
Nice piece. Emotion was felt. I agree with making the lines longer and not so simplistic. You put your feelings into it, but you may want to explain them a little more. Just a thought, not hatin. Overall good job. I liked it.
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