Tell me what you think...This is a kinda new poem...Pless tell me if its any good...And comment is welcome..Thanks...


He Loves her with all of his heart
But she just wants to tear him apart
She doesn't want to stand by his side
Thinking she has too much Pride
He just wants them to stay together
Wanting them to be in love forever
Shes always messing around with other guys
Then she comes home to tell him Lies
He wonders why she can't Look into his eyes
For her, he feels complete Passion
He can't see there relationship Crashin'
She sneaks off while hes at work
Goes to sleep around with some jerk
Hes always coming home to an empty house
And to think he wants this hoe as a Spouse
He tries so hard to Please her
But for some reason it's all a blur
He buys her nice, pricey things
Like red rozes, and Diamond rings
But now hes having second thoughts
Even after all the things he bought
When he tries to hold her she tturns away
He gets more stressed each day
Untill he comes home early one night
Walks in his house, turns on the light
He finds her with some guy on the floor
He narrows his eyes and walks right back out the door
He reaches into his truck for his gun
It's time for him to have a little fun
He loads the gun with three bullets, and cocks it
His life has been through too much shit
He walks back in, and points it at her head
Pulls the trigger and shoots her dead
Then he aims at at the guy
Shoots him in the chest while screaming "DIE"
He closes his eyes as he puts the gun barrel to his temple
Pushing it hard against his head, creating a demple
He pulls the trigger right as the police bust in the door
They don't have to worry about arresting him anymore...

Not sure if I've ever read any of your material before. The twisted ending was really thought out it seemed. Kinda seemed familiar too but in a good way. Very talented. I hope to see more.

~Shalom~

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Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

Thank you. Yes I wrote it today..And I didn't take much time to write it...but i guess its good considering that...

peAce

ive read some of your other shit, this is tight,story's a bit familiar but still creative,nicely put and good wrods,your gettin better with your words as well, keep postin this tight shit peace out boo.

Thanks. Yeah I agree its familiar...But I was just doing it in my free time..lol. Thank you lotz for your feedback!

peAce

this was awesome you have potential

Thanks for the feedback