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05-26-03, 08:57 PM | #1 | ||||||
Guest
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"Him and Her"
IP: 4577 CD9A
Tell me what you think...This is a kinda new poem...Pless tell me if its any good...And comment is welcome..Thanks...
He Loves her with all of his heart But she just wants to tear him apart She doesn't want to stand by his side Thinking she has too much Pride He just wants them to stay together Wanting them to be in love forever Shes always messing around with other guys Then she comes home to tell him Lies He wonders why she can't Look into his eyes For her, he feels complete Passion He can't see there relationship Crashin' She sneaks off while hes at work Goes to sleep around with some jerk Hes always coming home to an empty house And to think he wants this hoe as a Spouse He tries so hard to Please her But for some reason it's all a blur He buys her nice, pricey things Like red rozes, and Diamond rings But now hes having second thoughts Even after all the things he bought When he tries to hold her she tturns away He gets more stressed each day Untill he comes home early one night Walks in his house, turns on the light He finds her with some guy on the floor He narrows his eyes and walks right back out the door He reaches into his truck for his gun It's time for him to have a little fun He loads the gun with three bullets, and cocks it His life has been through too much shit He walks back in, and points it at her head Pulls the trigger and shoots her dead Then he aims at at the guy Shoots him in the chest while screaming "DIE" He closes his eyes as he puts the gun barrel to his temple Pushing it hard against his head, creating a demple He pulls the trigger right as the police bust in the door They don't have to worry about arresting him anymore... |
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05-27-03, 12:43 AM | #2 | |||||||
Atra Ludio or Hip-Hop?
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IP: CEF5 716F
Not sure if I've ever read any of your material before. The twisted ending was really thought out it seemed. Kinda seemed familiar too but in a good way. Very talented. I hope to see more.
~Shalom~ |
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05-27-03, 02:41 AM | #3 | ||||||
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IP: C1DA C961
Thank you. Yes I wrote it today..And I didn't take much time to write it...but i guess its good considering that...
peAce |
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05-27-03, 03:07 AM | #4 | ||||||
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IP: E693 37C7
ive read some of your other shit, this is tight,story's a bit familiar but still creative,nicely put and good wrods,your gettin better with your words as well, keep postin this tight shit peace out boo.
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05-27-03, 03:19 AM | #5 | ||||||
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IP: C1DA C961
Thanks. Yeah I agree its familiar...But I was just doing it in my free time..lol. Thank you lotz for your feedback!
peAce |
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05-28-03, 05:15 PM | #6 | ||||||
Registered User
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IP: B618 FFDE
this was awesome you have potential
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05-29-03, 10:40 AM | #7 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 399E F0FD
Thanks for the feedback
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05-31-03, 05:15 PM | #8 | |||||||
BANNED For Being A Dick
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IP: 17BA BD61
Its Alright...Just Make It A Litle Bit More In Depth And It Will Be Straight
Peace. |
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