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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
05-26-05, 10:47 PM
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#1
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Back....
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Love Leaves You Broken
IP: 1172 2083
Morning time comes and I’m not ready to see you Never ready because your eyes tell me I’m a see through Even if hurting my heart your way of saying thanks I could still see my love for you in and at higher lengths I actually am feeling alone when with the person I adore I’m always thinking what I am doing and what I am here for You see me as being a pest and saying I will never stop But is it wrong to express the hurting feelings I got? Depression is not a friend; it is a murderer in a way I know because I constantly try to kill myself everyday I always thought it was important to spend time with me I loved you so much but now you don't even want to see me You said I always upset you when I wasn't there But since when did I not love you and do nothing but care I've failed to hold myself up from always falling down It wasn’t coincidence that it was you that I found I’ve waited and it seem like years but you never changed I’m wondering if the things you say about love is a game You may say it is not a game but I’ve never saw you true I looked at our situation, nothing changed when it came to you You ask me to wait and I ask for what. God only knew The fears I had started to slowly fade away and I believed you But when I noticed no change from you I was the stupid one I was so pathetic and it’s like only I cared at what you done Loving you was like a battle and I lost the day we met Trying to regain my dignity but filled with too much of the regrets We both could have together as two made into one But I admit while hurting this is was the battle you won
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05-26-05, 10:58 PM
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#2
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So Much Dexterity
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IP: C287 E207
Sick...man...sick
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 i'm ill and no one has the cure
record:0-0 losses:0 wins:0 |
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05-26-05, 11:00 PM
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#3
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Back....
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IP: 1172 2083
what the hell was that. leave real feed. OMG
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05-26-05, 11:04 PM
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#4
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So Much Dexterity
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IP: C287 E207
ok you put yur emoctions in this piece. you known what you what to write and write it...
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i'm ill and no one has the cure
record:0-0 losses:0 wins:0 |
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05-26-05, 11:40 PM
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#5
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The Paragraph President
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IP: 6BC9 4CDE
well the stucture is good imagery is pretty decent your complexity could be a lot better up the vocabulary a lot more maybe it will throw a decent complexity i also think that you could throw a refrains in there somewhere. refrain is a hook but yea overall it was pretty good good emotion as well. 1
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05-28-05, 03:06 PM
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#6
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Back....
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IP: 28B1 F3E4
yo upin this shit...
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05-29-05, 03:02 PM
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#7
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Whys That?
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IP: 5285 DC82
good structure..nice emotion bro...imagery is there...vocab could be alot better...and originality...you need to start finding diffrent topics bro!
your last 5 poems have been about love.. but seen as your rvs mr love..(lol) this is pretty good...just try some diffrent concepts to love..maybe add soem twists and shit thru out it....just so you end it with a woootwooot..ya feel? anyway..another good love poem from you.. |
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05-29-05, 03:05 PM
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#8
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Back....
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IP: 30BF 88DA
ok... I like Mr Love..... uppin...
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05-30-05, 05:42 AM
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#9
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This is my first post!
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IP: 2029 97B3
Deep Shit My Nigga Vocabulary Was Good, Flow Was Deep Man Shit's Nice You Got To Help Me Elevate Son, Structure Was Neat And Clean I Liked The Deepness Through Out The First This Is Some Real Poetic Shit Son Holla Back Dope Shit
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Um T.T.I
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05-30-05, 07:28 PM
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#10
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Back....
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IP: A035 BAC9
lol. weerd. elevate. cool. uppin.
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05-30-05, 07:54 PM
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#11
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Light Weight
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IP: 0825 899A
Once again, a solid drop from u....I do a lotta love poems, so I can definitely appreciate this. Other than tha hard to read print and a line stretched evry blue moon, this was a very good poem 8/10
Fav Lines: I've failed to hold myself up from always falling down It wasn’t coincidence that it was you that I found RTF on my poem........please |
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05-31-05, 04:51 AM
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#12
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Back....
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IP: 4DBB 99C8
iight. I. will. uppin. for. more. feed.
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