The winds of change blow all the time but there is still air all around me
The rain of hurt falls on me drowning me in pain and misery
The flames of hate ignite engulfing all those who have betrayed me
The earths foundation fails and all that was held above me falls before me




http://community.rapverse.com/showt...614#post2584614
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=217148

uppin.....................................

uppin for feedback........................................

pretty short, but had a decent amount of feeling and some deep thoughts.
Not much to say about it. nice drop, and keep up.

__________________

do your research.

upping.......................................

There's not much I can say about 4 lines in fact but I feel you had quite some potential in this little drop. I would've loved for this to more detailed and such. Your wordings were good, images were good as well, emotion could've been better.

__________________

Ya, four lines is just rediculously short so its hard to judge really. The direction of what you had was nice though. Topic has been done but you took your own spin on the way for which the content was presented which was nice. If you were to keep going with this though you really need to find the enter key... Because those lines are rediculously long. Uuum ya, if you really like writing like this you should try writing a Hiku (Cant spell it) Lol but ya. Try that out man.

thx...im thinking bout adding more to it to make it longer and revising it to make it look better so...yea...

really, really, short piece.... sorta ok i guess, but it would be a lot better if it was longer.... one of those times i was talking about, where the metaphors are too complex with too little explanation/revelation at the end of the piece..... make it longer next time playa, keep writin.....

__________________


"I don't want to be deep... I want to feel deep and use that feeling to express depth itself..."
-Konchance

my poetry:
untitled

way to short... starting every single line off with the word "the" isnt a great thing.. repeating words has meaning if they are powerful leading words but "the" isnt one of them... it did tho have some meaning to it but it lacked a lot... 4 line poetry is hard to master... short poetry to me is a lot harder than long poetry because you need to sum up all of your feelings into those short little lines.... i think it has potential to spring forth into something bigger if you so choose to make it that way... so keep it up!

upping..........................................

upping............................................ .....

upping............................................ .........

Help your own self, and all of us out and go reply to other peoples works... That's the only way you're going to get anymore feedback.