RapVerse.com Community - new song....i couldn't find a title for it though so uh yeah w.e

01-09-05, 12:40 PM

$hani¢e

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Posts: 49

From: So I can have little net-peeping toms? I don't think so

new song....i couldn't find a title for it though so uh yeah w.e

IP:

You had me turned out, as a young buck in a caddy truck/
Givin' me dough for air maxes and new traxes/
It was cool when you let me breathe/
After we finished layin' up, you won't let me leave/
Damn I'm a adult now, mami packed up the belts now/
You all dumb high off the lie, playin' yourself now/
Fuckin' up my groove, watch my every move/
Try and get me caught up, sayin shit that ain't true/
I can't take this dumb shit, you startin' to irk me/
Layin' all them rules down like you birth me/
You gotta problem, somethin' that I can't solve wit ya/
I'm at the point were we split I will not miss ya/
I ain't your wife, damn sure ain't your child/
Trees gettin' to ya head, cuz dumb chick ain't my style/

[Chorus - x2]
You really don't want my love
All you do is smoke up them trees
Then you wanna try to tell me what to do
Why you wanna put a little hold on me

I don't know what's wrong wit you, is you my dude or a detective/
Try to look at it from your perspective/
but I can't ;you wanna know where I'm goin', who I'm seein'/
And who I'm meetin', what I'm eatin',/
What I'm doin' who I'm screwin/
Not you cause I can't stand how you tryin' to run me/
High all day, plus you don't really even love me/
Cuz if you did you would let me live/
The facts will pop up in your brain that I ain't no kid/
And that no man gon' tell me how to breathe right /
Disease type, smoke cloudin' up your mind sight/
Think it's time you try again and get your little dust off/
Bust off, now it's time to take the fuckin' cuffs off/
Go ahead, smoke laugh and joke wit ya homies/
But do me a favour, when you sober don't call me/
I'm finished wit ya, I hope and pray that you ain't bitter/
Used to have the goods, nowadays you don't deliver/

[Chorus - x2]
You really don't want my love
All you do is smoke up them trees
Then you wanna try to tell me what to do
Why you wanna put a little hold on me

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01-09-05, 01:22 PM

Mentor

a.k.a prozak

Posts: 2,177

From: your walkman

IP:

love it it had good structure and good ryhming even though that kinda fell a lil' bit but besides dat it had a perfect story and all dat i'd gve it a 7.5/10

01-09-05, 01:35 PM

$hani¢e

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Posts: 49

From: So I can have little net-peeping toms? I don't think so

IP:

thankz fam uppin for feeedbacccc

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01-09-05, 02:14 PM

Kordozar

Gone

Posts: 202

From: Fifth Ave

IP:

Wow Yo Ya Need Ta Fix Ya Ways Of Rhymin Tha 1st 2 Lines Didnt Even Rhyme Up Ya Vokab And Dont Put "/" At Tha End Of Ya Bars.................7/10

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01-09-05, 03:35 PM

-RIOT-

New to RV

Posts: 61

From: Detroit, MI (da murda mit)

i agree

IP:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kordozar

Wow Yo Ya Need Ta Fix Ya Ways Of Rhymin Tha 1st 2 Lines Didnt Even Rhyme Up Ya Vokab And Dont Put "/" At Tha End Of Ya Bars.................7/10

^^^i heard dat....it was cool ma 4real......nice drop, i give it a 7/10 also.....get back at me ~1~

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MY OPEN MICS, i want some feedz.......
comlex 16's-part 2 (collab wit Dolla Bill)
susan, susan (personal)
Tha Flame-from my mixtape
my remix of "What you gone do?"

01-09-05, 02:38 PM

$hani¢e

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Posts: 49

From: So I can have little net-peeping toms? I don't think so

IP:

it's better on audio

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01-09-05, 03:36 PM

-RIOT-

New to RV

Posts: 61

From: Detroit, MI (da murda mit)

IP:

oh yeah, i would like 2 hear it 2.....is it on dis site?

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Detroit PlayBoiz (DPB) 4 life nigga.....and im out

Money Fiend Ent.

MY OPEN MICS, i want some feedz.......
comlex 16's-part 2 (collab wit Dolla Bill)
susan, susan (personal)
Tha Flame-from my mixtape
my remix of "What you gone do?"

01-09-05, 03:51 PM

$hani¢e

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Posts: 49

From: So I can have little net-peeping toms? I don't think so

IP:

nah im finishin it off

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01-09-05, 04:54 PM

-RIOT-

New to RV

Posts: 61

From: Detroit, MI (da murda mit)

IP:

^^^oh, okay.....

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Detroit PlayBoiz (DPB) 4 life nigga.....and im out

Money Fiend Ent.

MY OPEN MICS, i want some feedz.......
comlex 16's-part 2 (collab wit Dolla Bill)
susan, susan (personal)
Tha Flame-from my mixtape
my remix of "What you gone do?"

01-09-05, 05:21 PM

#10

$hani¢e

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Posts: 49

From: So I can have little net-peeping toms? I don't think so

IP:

yeah like on tuesday ill make a thread with all my audio's

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01-09-05, 05:24 PM

#11

Ysdat

Whys That?

Posts: 2,007

IP:

good drop,has alot of heart to it. rhymes are ok.they sort of fall of toward's the end,as if you ran outta rhyme's but still wanted to get it done.

Go ahead, smoke laugh and joke wit ya homies/
But do me a favour, when you sober don't call me/
I'm finished wit ya, I hope and pray that you ain't bitter/
Used to have the goods, nowadays you don't deliver/
^^

it still rhyme's a bit, all depends on your pronounciation.

hook's kinda deep. I thought you could of elaberated on this topic a bit more, using alot more imagery.
overall allright drop.

6/10
link's?

01-09-05, 05:28 PM

#12

Affinity

Banned: Cheating

Posts: 1

IP:

honestly your gettin better...your stucture has gotten way better and you still flow good and now your starting to use more vocabulary and more decent lines with creativty good job tho honestly thats good...very creative and you like to write lots thats good...with a chorus n everything....good job but if you ever need real help with elevation i could help you

...

favorite lines:
I don't know what's wrong wit you, is you my dude or a detective/
Try to look at it from your perspective/
^^good lines there good vocab and some emotion in there good line creative..

I'm finished wit ya, I hope and pray that you ain't bitter/
Used to have the goods, nowadays you don't deliver/
^^good stucture and it flowed well with some decent vocab and it was ight...good job..

-Parallel

return the favour in the sig...my alais is Parallel

01-10-05, 12:50 AM

#13

Tha Unknown (Uk)

Welcome 2 Dope South

Posts: 464

From: Cashville,Ten-A-Key

IP:

yo Fam. wet drop gret sturcture an nice critearer-ya. I love the topic an what great wordplay. An tha verbal useage wuz amazin I could feel tha voice behide tha music.
You should name it "Why You Tryin Ta Put A Hold On Me" or jess "Tryin Ta Put A Hold On Me". All in all 9/10 great drop. Keep doing ya damn thing Fam.

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02-13-05, 10:06 AM

#14

Da_Throwdest

Banned: Cheating

Posts: 369

From: Durty Souf

IP:

yea a very good drop i saw all da emotions in dat thang u know

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