Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Key Rogue | BluePrint | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  
  
Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases
User Name
Password

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes

best ive written
Old 07-30-05, 09:25 PM   #1
Sick.
Do Re Mi
 
Posts: 1,102
Joined: Dec 2004
Status: Offline
best ive written

IP: F972 0E70

this may be the best ive writtin so gimme some good feed PLEASE

tried to touch the stars... i fell burned and bruised
battered and used to battefield below i was accused
the crime was comprehended as a criminal offense
i pleaded to the prosecuter to pass the tense
please proceed and stop speakin of past events
my last offense, rape, i now practice absenensce
no sexual ho's, just confessional flows
let me go.. i cant run because mexicos closed
the jury judged my case with a jagged face
reviewin my case so rapid its like a rabbit race
judge reappeared to re-establish order in the court
i sit in my seat quietly as the judge reads the report
fast foward to the fences forty feet high from the ground
examine every exit as convicts escape only to be found
so i plan my perfect plot on my path out of prison
see a view of violence disapearing out of my vision
all the sudden i see satan and im sufferin burns
i reached for the stars sorta slipped up nd learned
that the heavens are a hope never meant to hold
i sold my soul to satan so now my body is cold
the burns become a blizzard as my body freezes
blood ran red now runs blue as the skies breezes
i awake in aww at the site of an assailant above me
i see the shank in his grasp as i laugh and say... "oh isnt this lovely"
__________________

crhyme sindicate


.
.
.
.
.

Last edited by Tha Sick One : 07-30-05 at 11:42 PM.
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-30-05, 09:39 PM   #2
Sick.
Do Re Mi
 
Posts: 1,102
Joined: Dec 2004
Status: Offline
IP: F972 0E70

uppin.. get the feedback going.. dont sleep
__________________

crhyme sindicate


.
.
.
.
.
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-30-05, 10:35 PM   #3
Sick.
Do Re Mi
 
Posts: 1,102
Joined: Dec 2004
Status: Offline
IP: F972 0E70

dont sleep.....
__________________

crhyme sindicate


.
.
.
.
.
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-30-05, 10:54 PM   #4
wyteknyte
BeAnToWN rEp
 
wyteknyte's Avatar
 
Posts: 226
Joined: Jan 2005
From: boston (u.c.)
Status: Offline
Text Record: 3-0
IP: 28AD 5545

good shit sik....im feelin dis one...i thought it was kinda funny at the end....good flow...keep progressin...u keep gettin betta and betta....

$$izno shady$$
__________________




open mics
leave feedback
boston
gats on da bus
the mic
[/CENTER]
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-30-05, 10:57 PM   #5
~Luciano~
~Break Bred or Play Dead~
 
~Luciano~'s Avatar
 
Posts: 6,827
Joined: Jul 2004
From: $.W Detroit
Status: Offline
Audio Record: 1-0
Send a message via AIM to ~Luciano~ Send a message via Yahoo to ~Luciano~
IP: FFBA C081

Im def feelin ya Emotion and Vocab..those are 2 things i focus most on

so i was feelin that..it flowed well and i liked the structure

def hot piece

8/10
__________________


.
.

.
.


.
.

~~Bumpin My Musik~~
~Audio Rookie Of The Year..Ya Tha Real 1~

  Reply With Quote

Old 07-30-05, 10:58 PM   #6
vague
New to RV
 
vague's Avatar
 
Posts: 23
Joined: Jul 2005
From: The North
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
IP: B565 2BCF

lol.......ending made me laugh.

ok,

structure was def the best part of this piece, made everything flow nice and smooth, vocab could have been better but it suited the piece's read. flow was solid and on point throughout, imagery picked up more and more as the piece went along and the emotion was meh, iffy.

overall though i really liked the way this flowed consistently throughout and the story was pretty good too with a nice ending. keep it up slim
__________________
My Consent?
Living Legends.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MADDRAPPER
cats call me whack but can't come with tall fact its all an act to cover the truth, i got a trademark but you afraid of the dark pussy, not a hood survivor just wood fibers to be popped and chopped by an ax you not hot on wax likke famous rappers
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-30-05, 11:00 PM   #7
Sick.
Do Re Mi
 
Posts: 1,102
Joined: Dec 2004
Status: Offline
IP: F972 0E70

yo thanks for tha props ^^ ya the avy is supposed to strike fear into the hearts of tha haters haha.. loookin to get some good feed.. maybe a nomination?
__________________

crhyme sindicate


.
.
.
.
.
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-30-05, 11:48 PM   #8
Sick.
Do Re Mi
 
Posts: 1,102
Joined: Dec 2004
Status: Offline
IP: F972 0E70

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=199804
my link.. shots in tha night << 2nd hottest OM on RV.com next to this one of course
__________________

crhyme sindicate


.
.
.
.
.
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-31-05, 12:14 AM   #9
MADDRAPPER
Middle Weight
 
Posts: 1,550
Joined: Jun 2004
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-2
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: CF74 5D3A

1. one hell of a poetic flow right here enjoyed this piece for real
2, but as for a rapper flow only 4/10

Last edited by MADDRAPPER : 07-31-05 at 12:47 AM. Reason: add some
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-31-05, 07:30 AM   #10
J.D
One Mic
 
J.D's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,437
Joined: Sep 2004
From: UK
Status: Offline
Audio Record: 2-3
IP: 38B5 0CC0

yo, shit man this woz really tite actually, cuz this is one of the few pieces that i've seen that actually keeps a good flow and adds multis whilst actually telling a gud story. i'm feelin this alot. 9/10
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-31-05, 10:15 AM   #11
Sick.
Do Re Mi
 
Posts: 1,102
Joined: Dec 2004
Status: Offline
IP: F972 0E70

thanks man.. feelin the love up in here give some more feedback good or bad as long as its explained ill return tha favor no doubt
__________________

crhyme sindicate


.
.
.
.
.
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-31-05, 11:37 AM   #12
Willa
Bann The Deed NOT The Breed
 
Willa's Avatar
 
Posts: 5,114
Joined: Feb 2004
Status: Offline
Audio Record: 1-0
IP: E8C7 F98A

yea that was tight props for doing this
__________________



O.Y.D.
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-31-05, 01:02 PM   #13
Sick.
Do Re Mi
 
Posts: 1,102
Joined: Dec 2004
Status: Offline
IP: FB48 3F52

thanks fam.. uppin for more feed
__________________

crhyme sindicate


.
.
.
.
.
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-31-05, 01:38 PM   #14
lyricalblue2k6
New to RV
 
lyricalblue2k6's Avatar
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Jul 2005
From: DOWNSOUTH
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: D88C 8916

First One 2 Read On This Site N Was Dope So I Already Know This Board Has Potential
  Reply With Quote

Old 07-31-05, 02:51 PM   #15
Sick.
Do Re Mi
 
Posts: 1,102
Joined: Dec 2004
Status: Offline
IP: FB48 3F52

yo thanks for tha props.. keep it comin kiddos
__________________

crhyme sindicate


.
.
.
.
.
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump




All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:34 PM.

vbulletin skin developed by: eXtremepixels