http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=100126
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=100066
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=99844


take-a-trip-into-my
headspace mindframe beatin' you at mindgames
tapin' fools on blind-dates and takin' you cuz crime-pays
in five-days i'll shoot down ya bombers and ya bi-planes
you cry-rape cuz you say my rhymes is spanish fly-grade
so why-wait i'm the devil-waiting gives tha devil time
to find-wayz fuck you acapella wit a betta rhyme
ya dare-ta-drive? i be ridin' spinnaz on ya jugulaz
new-virgin-blood cryin' like beginnerz when i fuck you up
hey buttercup i slay you humperdinks to get the princess bride
tha sickest mind i fuck you from behind like you the prince of tides

Just something i was playing around with.
Any thoughts?

Nice piece dawg, multies were tyte

7/10
pz

this was ok.......thought the multis seemed a bit weak....and i would stop with the linking them...we all know what they are dont need to be shown them,,,,,other than that yeah...had a nice flow going, but the vocab could be improved.....sitra tailed off towards the end...

"hey buttercup i slay you humperdinks to get the princess bride"

^^lose lines like this...dont do ya no favours....jus keep at it..pZ

Was aight. Nothing new nothing old. I like to see better topics. Keep at it. Structure needs a little work.

Ok...

Your multies were good...and your structure was ok..
definitly had flow...topic wise not that sure what you
wanted to represent....

Work on your vocab...and add some clever metaphors...
You seem like you have potential due to your multies...
stay elevating...

Laters...

Yeah this was alright i thought....structure was alright, could be touched up a little though.....you had some good multies through out the piece, i liked that....your vocab was alright, it could be up'd though...but overall this was alright...keep at it.