This is just a song that i'm workin on, tell me what u think and where I can improve.

[chorus]
One moment to live, or break down and cry/
One moment to win or fall over and die/
Tears flowin like the rain, joy so far away/
One moment will decide my life today/


One moment more was needed by Eazy-E/
To think about if dat g, Might of have HIV/
One moment more was all tupac needed/
To save himself from the clip that was bein depleted/
In a moment Dr. King set a new world order/
Less racism for blacks but big targets for reporters/
He divided the borders, between the white n the brown/
But we styll main suspects every crime in town/
The moment we lost L, rap started 2 sink/
Mase became a pastor and cams rockin pink/
One moment more, we need Wallace in our lives/
too many wannabe thugs r screamin ryde or die
how can I survive, while looking for my one moment/
when my talent will b challenged and I get 2 expose it/
2004…my year to blow, will I glow/
or freeze in the darkness and die from the snow/

[chorus]

One moment ago, I was spittin simple rhymes/
Then I elevated, even maybelline was eyein my lines/
started 2 shyne, picked up multies n personals/
Now im rockin rocawear instead paint-stained overalls/
At one moment we were protected by God’s castle/
Now we under control by the atheist capitol/
Not livin by the supernatural but by the power of the dollar/
Many rather get rich or die tryin than drop for bein martyrs/
And fightin the good fight, all choosin answer 1 when #2 is the right/
God was our fright, so we chose to live in the night/
And destroyed the world by steppin into Lucifier’s light/


Thats all i have so far...will finish off 2nd verse and add 3rd later, just need an opinion on what I gots so far.

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get closed, Thanks.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=100955
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=100974
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=100963

this was a good piece i liked the way you brought yourself in this very good, the structure was good which made the flow good it had a nice rhyme scheme good work man, if you have time can you check out my open mic in my sig thanks or just on the front page near the bottom thanks thats apreciated

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

this was good so far, keep it up, nice wordplay and summary.

__________________
It doesnt matter if you win as long as you give everything in your heart

- michael jordan

I am gonna be what i wanna be, but not just what i wanna be but what i am.

- 2hot2handle(myself)

Just like mine, an unfinished piece really leaves nothing to be said. dope so far is all i can say. peace

uppin ppl, lets not sleep on it

yo, no hate - u had a few dope lines
But i really wasnt feeling this, kinda felt topic was played..
Keep spittin & elevating...

__________________
OG Status


My people skills are way better then yours, nigga..

uppin dis for last tyme, want sum feedback
WAKE UP!!!