http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...?threadid=99812
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=100560
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...?threadid=99732

The drifting snow creates newly cold layers upon this shadowed earth
Matching the souls of the cold hearted, and bearing down upon the warm
Creating lift for the evil that lies within this shattered earth’s only soul
Making in near impossible to find the good that use to lie before you

It represents the harshness that happens continually throughout the year
Placing all of our hatred on top of us to make us feel the horrid weight
Trying to make us understand the pressure we’ve placed upon a stranger’s life
Hoping that someday we might understand the true symbol of the fallen snow

We trudge through its thickness wishing for the spring to come and melt it all away
To take our lies and cheats from around our feet and conceal them once again
What we don’t realize is even though it may not be visible those strangers still can feel it
And our misbehaved actions weigh down upon others yet we tend to look through it

When will the human race wake up from the cold hating trance they’ve been in so long?
Realize that we are gradually tearing this whole earth apart bringing down EVERYONE!
Ripping to shreds one huge family that use to altogether wish for just the positive things
Where has that warm long disappeared hope gone and will we ever again feel its warmth?

Could this be winters true meaning?
Is god trying to make us feel the pain we give so easily?
If peace came would winter still chill our souls?
Will this peace ever come?
I doubt it………….


~Tera~
DONT HATE

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PLS quit sleeping on this!

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Sorry for sleeping on this peice... it's just... I was in the bathroom. Urinating. Then I had to brush my teeth. I always have to bruth my teeth after urinating. (Well, actually I don't, but it sounded funny in my head.)

I like to think of Winter as a way to end things, but only to give it new birth. Much like the moon once it's completly ingulfed in shadow, only to come back again to it's bright fullness.

I was really digging this up until the "when will the human race wake up" line. Because when I here scheiße like that I instantly think of idiotic immature brats who think they are so smart and holier than thou and think the human race is the scourge of the universe and other such bullscheiße. (The problem of course, is that such people are absolutely right, they just come to such a conclusion so incorrectly.)

But after those two lines... you totally threw a curve ball by NOT being an idiotic immature brat. You were quite thoughtful in your remarks and very mature about it. You brought a lot of philisophical thought to the table. You didn't bring a solution... but you made the problems present. And that is certainly something.

~Shalom~

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Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

I personaly hate snow. You piece makes me hate it more. Very touching and thoughfull. I like it.

Keep doing what ur doing,

nice piece... definitely!
You set the whole mood for this piece in your first stanza, which made me immediately wondering what you were going for.
Comparing all insecurities/problems/hate we go through with snow, was just really wow, ... very clever.
Loved every single line of this, hope to read more soon.
resp

..I like 'snow'...I hate 'rain'...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...oh-yeah..by the way very nice 'piece'....peace...

^^ um yeah.....? ok

thank you for the replies Necro and Split-eyez much appreciated!

~Tera~
DONT HATE

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Great peice! Just some quick constructive criticism.... Your poem could have led into the human race part a little smoother. maybe you could look over it and let me know if you made any changes

nah... i dont think there will be any changes, thats for your thought thou.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

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Amazing Piece Of Work Cat...Very Very On Topic and the Topic was Very Clear To Me and Interested Me and Brought Me In...It Wasnt Boring Either

Good Work

i like this piece...its very original...you are doing your thing...topic was obvious i guess b/c you were on it...lol...STAY UP

this is a good piece, from begining to end. it makes you realize that life does go around like the winter does. i hate snow too tho. try to up the vocab.. niiec