forces that enter and leave my mind,
exiting my meek exsistance-
who am i among a billion?
nobody,
a humble victim of the corporate trap-
theres no way out...
These ------ up nights of endless loniness,
reaching for a companion-
pulling back the hands of an old man,
i've grown old waiting for someone-
is it too late?
will i die before i meet her?
have i already?

...met her AND died i mean...

mental transferred over fiber optic,
faceless laughs shared,
and though we've held hands
and ran aimless though painted serinity
(atleast in my mind)
im STILL unsure about yours.
the moon casting forcefield comfort,
cascading through the branches of this forest.
lighting up pathways of reflected pixie dust,
trails of angels flight,
the reflective blues, and rainfall...
all reassuring to my wilting mind-
all this before i close my eyes to this night,
and cast off into that final sleep.

-end-

replied to-Eki
filed
Monk

^^ you dont have to do that anymore, the rule with that is gone now

about the piece, your intro was pretty good, the part i liked most about it was that first question, who am i among billions? with the sad answer of nobody. that made me more interested, i wanted to see where you were gonna take this.

your vocab was alright, and flow and structure were good. i liked the short lines, with simple explaintions, but still something were just underwater and you had to read carefully and think about it.

your emotions were pretty strong, and i feel i understand where your coming from and what your feeling somewhat.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

__________________

i think that it is not so good. ive read worse. and better and much worse and much better