tick and tock tha clock of time keeps on rollin to infinity/
cant tell when it will stop, like a nice beverage, it be soda pop/
lettn this ryme drop, could be an average, novice, or tastless/
yeah, sometimes distress hits me, just like a multiple choice test/
cant tell which bubble to fill in next as i, connect, tear shit up/
tyrano saurus rex, yeah, feelin da sensation like raw sex/
no special effect to inject da lethal dosage to this nation/
controlled by a gun crazy caucasian wit no radio, live on da air/
i stare in da eye of da beholder, daily drop like a soldier/
in iraq, this shit is wack like my ass lookin toward a new track/

Yo this shit aint right man, you need too elevate on a lot of things. I noticed you had some internals thats good. Sorta went off topic a bit. man u need to elevate. try usin multi's, throw in some metaphors and get yaself some better topics.

thought this was basic..... some good aspects that could be worked on...but as a piece,, weak...the flow fell in a few lines... n ya scheme jus was'nt getting off...and add some multis likes been said...jus work on it...pZ....

It was blah, weak wordplay, vocab, to short, increase you vocab mos def, elevate a lot not much more ot say, and catch a flow...

too short,dogg work on it more, do some rhymes on paper, fix them out then post.

__________________
It doesnt matter if you win as long as you give everything in your heart

- michael jordan

I am gonna be what i wanna be, but not just what i wanna be but what i am.

- 2hot2handle(myself)

u need a lot of work
flow was crap
the actual verse had no meaning at all to it
just random shit
seriously..choose a topic u can actually write on that has a point to it
improve your rhyming and vocabulary too
just keep writing and you'll get the hang of it

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get closed, Thanks.