Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
01-05-04, 03:53 AM | #1 | ||||||
New to RB
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Tribulations
IP: 6A84 2A26
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...365#post1053365
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...395#post1053395 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...428#post1053428 been hella busy lately.. i gotta hustle to pay off my lawyers and fines.. yet I just got caught for possesion.. and now i have to pay more fines fuck right!!! so im seriously thinkin about givin it all up.. and goin straight for awhile.. thats what this song is pretty much about.. me tryin to figure out this shit I started out smoking the chronic leaves, now i'm smokin on meth amphetamines at the age of 16 i sold to 40 year old fiends give me a break, i entered the game selling shake but I became a snake and wrestled the fakes I did this so i could take the top and kick all the cowards out the spot plotted out everything and especially what product was bought fought with demons till all i could think of was the screaming feeling as if i was floating on a cloud, steady dreaming disconnected from life, drugs got me feelin light so I play at night so i can feed off the blight I am contrite, for I have done many things wrong wanting to belong, all the while singing the same song moms stayed strong, told me that I could change my fate I need a new mind state, the old one was irate cause now im faced with a steady change of pace embracin random thoughts and random situations through generations we as a society have brought limitations through routines we have doomed our nation thats why there hasnt been a revolution for routines are what disconnects us from life you might as well pick up a knife and end your strife i know these views are as high-pitched as a fife but believe me when i say, we need to fight we must beg the lord to watch our back so I kneel and explain to him why i still wear my strap HOOK: please forgive me my wicked ways these are the strugglin days try to free myself from societies gaze blaze up a blunt and find a hoe to fuck steady stuck in situations that drain my luck i need to learn to tuck my shirt in and button up mabye instead of dunking i should shoot a lay-up all my life i played rough ive had enough tired of hand cuffs and actin tough no longer can I huff, no longer can I puff never again will i try intentially to sin for the demons within got me feelin chagrin they hurt my pride, fucked up my stride its time to decide, for both cannot coincide HOOK: Please forgive me for my wicked ways these are the strugglin days try to free myself from societiez gaze
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~?~?~?~?~?~~?~?~?~?~?~? If ya get the chance Drop some Feedback on these drops:<br> <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=815041#post815041">I hate bitchs keystyle</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=85355">Aint no drug got a hold of me</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=88860">No Love</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=90057">Rules of the Game</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92570">Dirty Hippie</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92613">R.I.P Crossroads</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92798">Learn about it</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=986562#post986562">Valet Parking [keystyle]</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=104102">Tribulations</a>. <br> <br><hr> <a href="http://www.geocities.com/lulong420/handbook.html">Handbook to all thats fun"> |
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01-05-04, 07:07 PM | #2 | ||||||
New to RB
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Uppin For Feedback
IP: 6A84 2A26
uppin for feedback plz
__________________
~?~?~?~?~?~~?~?~?~?~?~? If ya get the chance Drop some Feedback on these drops:<br> <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=815041#post815041">I hate bitchs keystyle</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=85355">Aint no drug got a hold of me</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=88860">No Love</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=90057">Rules of the Game</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92570">Dirty Hippie</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92613">R.I.P Crossroads</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92798">Learn about it</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=986562#post986562">Valet Parking [keystyle]</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=104102">Tribulations</a>. <br> <br><hr> <a href="http://www.geocities.com/lulong420/handbook.html">Handbook to all thats fun"> |
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01-05-04, 10:08 PM | #3 | ||||
Light Weight
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IP: 71CE 2E84
pretty nice concept...Sort of a "redemption" theme...I give you an 8 on content..
your rhymescheme wasn't above average, but it wasn't too simple...I'll give you a 6.5 on rhymescheme multis were decent....7.5 nice flow...hook was decent too...8 on that you worded things nicely...I liked ur first line the most..iono why..I give you a 8.5 on word usage...not vocab or wordplay... overall nice drop.. peace
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<center> I.J.L</center> |
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01-05-04, 11:47 PM | #4 | ||||
Word.
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IP: 76B1 9A60
Yeah this was alright i thought....your structure was alright, it could use some work in some spots..some lines were kinda stretched out a bit though....the flow in this was pretty good, it stayed on through out the piece...the hook was alright i thought...keep at it.
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01-06-04, 07:24 PM | #5 | ||||||
New to RB
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IP: 6A84 2A26
still uppin for feedback, plz dont sleep
__________________
~?~?~?~?~?~~?~?~?~?~?~? If ya get the chance Drop some Feedback on these drops:<br> <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=815041#post815041">I hate bitchs keystyle</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=85355">Aint no drug got a hold of me</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=88860">No Love</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=90057">Rules of the Game</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92570">Dirty Hippie</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92613">R.I.P Crossroads</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92798">Learn about it</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=986562#post986562">Valet Parking [keystyle]</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=104102">Tribulations</a>. <br> <br><hr> <a href="http://www.geocities.com/lulong420/handbook.html">Handbook to all thats fun"> |
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01-07-04, 08:24 PM | #6 | ||||||
New to RB
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uppin for feed
IP: 6A84 2A26
uppin for feedback still, thx to all that have already hit this up
__________________
~?~?~?~?~?~~?~?~?~?~?~? If ya get the chance Drop some Feedback on these drops:<br> <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=815041#post815041">I hate bitchs keystyle</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=85355">Aint no drug got a hold of me</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=88860">No Love</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=90057">Rules of the Game</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92570">Dirty Hippie</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92613">R.I.P Crossroads</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92798">Learn about it</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=986562#post986562">Valet Parking [keystyle]</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=104102">Tribulations</a>. <br> <br><hr> <a href="http://www.geocities.com/lulong420/handbook.html">Handbook to all thats fun"> |
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01-07-04, 09:06 PM | #7 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: B195 1FA3
very nice, original... great concept. flow was choppy in some spots. Rappin about actuall events makes it a bit more interesting, cause u visualize the shit happening. your rhymes were well played, made it flow better. overall i give it an 8/10.
decent drop. pZ. |
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01-07-04, 09:18 PM | #8 | ||||
Sane Scientist
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IP: 8076 4754
Ok to be Blunt...
This would be a nice song....peding on how you sing it and the delivery....Your structure isn't good but that doesn't matter if this is going to become audio....which I hope you do...and let others listen... Concept was pretty nice and vocab was there....seriously was pretty nice....Like I said hope to listen to the audio.... laters.. |
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01-10-04, 01:49 PM | #9 | ||||||
New to RB
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Uppin for feedback
IP: 6A84 2A26
I plan to do it in audio when my friend finishes the beat hes pretty good with fruity loops but has been drinkin alot lately and hasnt had time.. i guess thats my fault tho i started it when i brought him a lugjug of captain for new years since then hes been drinkin everyday.. o well.. it will get completed someday im not in a big hurry.. thanks for the feedback tho i appreciate it still uppin for more
__________________
~?~?~?~?~?~~?~?~?~?~?~? If ya get the chance Drop some Feedback on these drops:<br> <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=815041#post815041">I hate bitchs keystyle</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=85355">Aint no drug got a hold of me</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=88860">No Love</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=90057">Rules of the Game</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92570">Dirty Hippie</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92613">R.I.P Crossroads</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92798">Learn about it</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=986562#post986562">Valet Parking [keystyle]</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=104102">Tribulations</a>. <br> <br><hr> <a href="http://www.geocities.com/lulong420/handbook.html">Handbook to all thats fun"> |
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01-10-04, 06:29 PM | #10 | ||||||
New to RB
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IP: 6A84 2A26
plz dont sleep still uppin for feed
__________________
~?~?~?~?~?~~?~?~?~?~?~? If ya get the chance Drop some Feedback on these drops:<br> <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=815041#post815041">I hate bitchs keystyle</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=85355">Aint no drug got a hold of me</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=88860">No Love</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=90057">Rules of the Game</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92570">Dirty Hippie</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92613">R.I.P Crossroads</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92798">Learn about it</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=986562#post986562">Valet Parking [keystyle]</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=104102">Tribulations</a>. <br> <br><hr> <a href="http://www.geocities.com/lulong420/handbook.html">Handbook to all thats fun"> |
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01-21-04, 03:23 PM | #11 | ||||||
New to RB
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IP: 6A84 2A26
i felt this piece got slept on and i totally forgot about it.. so plz hit me up with some feedback i would really like to improve this piece
__________________
~?~?~?~?~?~~?~?~?~?~?~? If ya get the chance Drop some Feedback on these drops:<br> <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=815041#post815041">I hate bitchs keystyle</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=85355">Aint no drug got a hold of me</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=88860">No Love</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=90057">Rules of the Game</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92570">Dirty Hippie</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92613">R.I.P Crossroads</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=92798">Learn about it</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=986562#post986562">Valet Parking [keystyle]</a>, <a href="http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=104102">Tribulations</a>. <br> <br><hr> <a href="http://www.geocities.com/lulong420/handbook.html">Handbook to all thats fun"> |
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