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Old 01-10-04, 09:15 PM   #1
ALBuRnA
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Theres a new nigga in town...

ayo u fuckin wit da kid den u fuckin wit da best//
i spit dat shit u can feel under the skin of ya flesh//
u wanna act like u big then feel da wrath of this tec//
i bust a nutt on every track becuz rap is like sex//
u feel da flows but u really don't feel da kid at all//
cuz im untouchable nigga, and if u try imma break ya jaw//
da flows is flawless and my rymes stay sick//
these niggas is ball-less, so all u got is a couple of dicks//
pussy ass niggas, how u talking guns and knives//
wheres da truth, all i hear is a bunch of lies//
i stay witta couple niggas, fuck bein alone//
but in reality all i really got is me and my poems//
if i had to live another life i'd prolly think twice//
cuz i love me nigga, and im used to eatin beans and rice//
this puerto rock nigga from the streets of New Jerz//
bunch of bitch ass niggas tryna copy my swurve//
copy my swag wit a cap tryna bottle my words//
wut have, i wear a cap hoodie black and da strongest of nerves//
ya niggas goin against me den u must notta heard//
they call me ALBuRnA cuz i put a burn in these hurbs//
put a burn to these herbs that all a nigga really need and want//
burnin that Hydro and dat super skunk, dats why im know as ALBuRnA BLuNT//
imma bout to stunt on a nigga best believe i aint jokin//
fuck dis rap shit grab a blunt and keep smokin...

pull a 420 on these niggas im out...

HOLLA AT DA KID
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Old 01-11-04, 12:27 AM   #2
MuhThugga
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Keystyling is pointless, broken sword mimics. Three dollars a trick, WWII whore minutes/
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Old 01-11-04, 12:28 AM   #3
self
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That looks like a piece of shit.
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Old 01-11-04, 12:30 AM   #4
Menik
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^ lol...yeah it does, i was gonna comment on that earlier but i decided not to lol.
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Old 01-11-04, 12:36 AM   #5
MC StikiNicky
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I was feeling some of this but other things were played out.

Quote:
ayo u fuckin wit da kid den u fuckin wit da best//
i spit dat shit u can feel under the skin of ya flesh//


^played

Quote:
u wanna act like u big then feel da wrath of this tec//
i bust a nutt on every track becuz rap is like sex//


^Rap=Sex is a played simile, but not too bad.

Quote:
u feel da flows but u really don't feel da kid at all//
cuz im untouchable nigga, and if u try imma break ya jaw//


^concept is played, but delivery is angry, which is a plus.

Quote:
da flows is flawless and my rymes stay sick//
these niggas is ball-less, so all u got is a couple of dicks//


^Good concept, but you fucked it up with the punchline.

I won't even bother quoting anything more. Basically, it was all played out subject matter. You need to expand your vocab because right now it's basic. Not too bad though, keep dropping.

One.
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Old 01-11-04, 01:16 AM   #6
Can o' Wormz
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I'm gonna agree with the dude above me. Been there, done that.
Anytime chest, flesh, sex, etc start winding up in a rhyme scheme, it's like I feel like I can fill in the blanks. I had the same issues here. Very predictable and basic, I'm sorry to say.

Respect regardless. One.
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Old 01-11-04, 01:26 AM   #7
SinfiC
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The rhyme scheme was nice but you could have done more with it, I personally don't like people just flowin' bout how they are the best and that they are gonna break jaws, bust caps...etc...it's pointless to type shit like that because half the people on here just runnin there mouth because they can....try comming up with a different topic that has more meaning and use of vocab...structure was nice and it kept ya reading but you might want to try a couple different things next time....keep writtin, it was good!

Last edited by SinfiC : 01-11-04 at 01:32 AM.
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