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Old 01-12-04, 01:15 AM   #1
Sureal
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Shadows Of The Sun.

IP: FDD6 AE15

The Skies Flipped, The Shadows Dropped..
Soon To Be Crypt, Then Everything..-Stopped-
Blowing Willows, The Sky Shows A Glare..
As Wind Billows, Earth Moves Nowhere..
As Dark Clouds Form, To Cover All Stars..
Trees Are Deformed, To Reveal Earths Scars..
The Oceans Left Dry, With No Water In Sight..
Death Is Implied, In Time Of Earths Plight..
Houses Torn Across, Both Upwards And Down..
All For Great Loss, As They Hits The Ground..
Once Together However, Now Ravished Apart..
Nothing Lasts Forever, Say All That Depart..
Travesty Overcomes, The Last Are Destroyed..
As They Turn Numb, Their Past Is Deployed..
It Was Completed, Just After It Had Begun..
Earth Depleted, From The Shadows of The Sun..

Last edited by Sureal : 01-12-04 at 01:26 AM.
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Old 01-12-04, 01:23 AM   #2
K.Largo
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Read and Learn newbies
this is how it's supposed to look like
multies, internal rhyming, good word usage.
perfect here Sureal enjoyed this piece thru-out.
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Old 01-12-04, 01:23 AM   #3
Mr.Christensen
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The images were very profound in this...its like being in the eye of the hurrican seeing all the confusion around you. Hell of a way to destroy the earth. There was one time where the flow fell off a notch. Nothing major

*Edit*
look for my piece
"Bored.."

Last edited by The Realist : 01-12-04 at 01:27 AM.
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Old 01-12-04, 01:38 AM   #4
Edicius
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Yea .. the flow fell off at some points,..but some nice inners, & good vocab ..to bad u drop so short..like to read something, bigger..= ) but topic was nicely worked-out..

Pz.
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Old 01-12-04, 01:44 AM   #5
t-west
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yea man. I really liked this. Love your choice of words. Really wish it was longer tho...Kinda made me sad seeing as it ended there. Great emotional piece...too bad many people here will never appreciate it tho...

good piece
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Old 01-12-04, 03:22 PM   #6
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nice peice, good vocab, inner, to short tho. Ur one of the best topical writers i have ever seen on this site. You have everything that shows what a good peice is all in a 15 line or so verse, amazing
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Old 01-12-04, 04:51 PM   #7
Sureal
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Love You Too.
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Old 01-12-04, 04:53 PM   #8
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Nice and short..impressive.
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Old 01-12-04, 05:53 PM   #9
Trapt Wit
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Very good...
I cant get into detail right now as I"m listening to Brother Ali "Shadows of the Sun"

So it would be unfair = (
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