Sup y'all... this here some old piece I wrote I while back before I ever wrote a topical verse... Check it...

Hey yo I need a topic, got to stop with, all this nonsense rapping/
I’m lacking a bunch of structure, it’s happening in this juncture,
and sadly it fucking punctures my mind, jumping from topic to topic with every rhyme, it seems I’m wasting my time/
cause I can’t stick to a subject, I’m just need-deep on some dumb shit/
Rapidly flowing, yet actually I’m knowing, I’m going nowhere, actively acting as if don't care…

They say I’m talking about nothing, I need to talk about something/
to prove them wrong when they spit, oh let me talk about streets, yeah something like that that’s deep, let’s see who's giving a shit/
I’m so frustrated, wait, I’ll fabricate shit, that’s just very “complicated”,
and I’ll say I fucking made it,as the greatest thing written, what’s with this shit, man it’s sickening, what the fuck is this I’m spitting?

I’m running off, shit I’m spacing, I’ll talk about elevating, and still I’m waiting/
yet nothing is happening, cause I’m not practicing, I’m stopping in…
my tracks, for different rap, this shit is whack/
I've had no luck, I’m strictly stuck on what the fuck, to talk about, I try to shout, but nothing fucking comes out/
they’ll say they lost me right here, but bitch I lost myself here,
I’m seeing blurry not clear, trying to satisfy ears, they want to see, they want to hear/
fucking vocab, all this vocab, shut the fuck up/
but whatever, I’ll just dead it, and forget it, spit whatever/
just like everybody else, But did I make this make sense? Am I impressed of myself? could this be here my first topical verse?...

ahh... lol... thanks for reading y'all... and yeah I know... my structure is wack... tell me something else... lol... peace

had alot of nice word-play amungst some good creativity, fukk the structure when ure spittin bout nothin it came out o.k n e way....

killa...

This was alright here.....i thought it flowed pretty well actually the way i read it anyway, stayed on i thought through out the piece, kinda got off at some parts but still good....had some good vocab in there....content was ok....but keep at it.

i agree with credz on the flow, it flowed well the way i read it too....i thought it still was kinda a topical verse cause thats how i've felt too..frustrated on shit like that...i thought it was good and pretty creative and funny.. good job keep it up.

thanks for the comments y'all...

thought there was points, where ya used the vocab nicely, but other spots where it lacked.... thought it flowed pretty well... and the topic was used decently.... thought it could have used more internals, to break up the repetative rhyming.... but all in all not bad....

cool... I'm liking this constructive feedback... lol... thanks...