sup yall...relationship piece...


i aint alone, the phone's dead..ya head on my lap
eyes glued to each other, our words have been trapped
but why speak? we both feel it, the comfort is there
besides we both need it... silent comfort is scarce
when words are spoken..it only delays our progress
convo full of nonsense when whats vital has lost it
all i needs a gaze, your touch, and oddly ur silence
cuz u've proven to me that any word spoken is violence
puncture my heart, with sharpness that see's no wit
I try to plant my opinion but my seeds wont hit
why u talkin? we've discussed what we needed to release
so please..lets lock lips so what we speak wont decieve
but u abandoned the plot, even with no reason given
If i lose u now..what the fuck's my reason for living?
neither knew..but i guess it never crossed your mind
didnt tell me it was over..didnt even toss me a sign
been a while now..ur posed threat in my life is no relevance
but i've gotta rethink my plans..
...after being hit by my own medicine
over with wit no explanation, was it me? did i fuck up?
please dodge the question i dont wanna hear your voice u slut
leading me on, had me trapped in your web of deception
took my love for silence, flipped it and ripped it in sections
left me to pick up the pieces, I proved my devotion
still hold my values that Words need not be spoken
even though it killed me, shit...change is hard
but i've never had a blank sentence leave me scarred
remain silent, a variation of women still float the scene
hope and dreams that whatever spoke is streamed
through the ears, not napping on my thoughts' train
wonderin what to do..
....."just shut the fuck up and wait"


yeah...peace out yall...gimme some harsh critique please

I like.....I like how you started off giving the love feeling and how your morphed that into a sense of hate midway through your verse....Not much imagry...but good vocab...I liek the overall flow of the peice...One thing I noticed...dun knwo if you did it on purpose...was how the vocab changed with the mood of the peice...For example...You started off talkin bout love...and the vocab was simple...really felt it...and as you turned towards the hate part..you started throwing in swear words...and the flow kinda picked up nah mean? An excellant piece in my opinion...keep at it man...

i thought this was peety well worded,,, you got a nice flow going, with most transitions between rhymes good, one or two hampered it a bit, but nuthin major, the vocab was decent aswell, some if it... thought the best thing was the was you told it,,, if seen this done before, but this was one of the better attempts..... good work..... keep em soming

uppin....drop a link

i hate u guys.....

ha...i feel you on this piece dunny ... day before Valentines day ... my girl starts trippin... but yo... this was nice... brung a lil pet spirit to my heart.. but it was nice dunny flow was there... lil vocab... but hey ... some meta's wordplay... otha shyt... overall fab-u-lous job on dis piece yep dunny... get big wit it... i liked it... peep my H.E.l.l. piece... yep...

Caesar - On3

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~Sitting In Elevation Position~


Free
Agent

Just A Sick Newbie

Murked - Lust

Lost - None

this piece was straight...flow was there...kinda simple though...vocab was good...not really any imagery...and I didn't see any multiez...but the concept was good...and you worded it nicely...overall this was ok...holla...

the love and hate in this peice made it stands most people can't really give mix emotions in verses and go from hate to love smoothly like you did nice vocab anyway and pretty decent drop

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"

upers

nice drop right here. nice enjoyable flow...you utilized words really well. would make a good verse for a song.

by the way i want to battle you

set it up and PM me

damn i know what u mean by this shit... some times i just want my girl to be quiet and let me chill... the ending was good... flow was straight, infact better then straight... vocab was nice... everything bout this was good... not a piece where u need alot of imagry in my mind... the mood says enuff... and good luck wit the girls

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HK The Great

yea man nice peace but your vocab is a lil simple see the thing with larger vocab helps show more imagery but the overall tone of the peace was nice.....i like how the second half was compared to the first half that love shit is ....well i onno its ok i guess speakin of which i have to write a valentines day poem so nice drop ...pz

thanx...uppin...yeah...bout the vocab...i dont really like using it
anymore...its just a substitution for content..which i dont want
peace...

good work on this one... imagery was dope...
ill woridng on this internals were there...
approached the topic nicely the way it flipped
half way threw... this was actually pretty dope...
only thing wusnt as good as it can be...
you didnt use much vocab myabe not needed..
but I like seeing vocab... it display the imagery much better
it gives a better feeling to what your talking about...
and most were 1 syllable rhymes... which I usually
only expect to see in story telling and not a topical...
or wus this supposed to be story told?
anyway good work overall...
get at me peep my 2part story...

....Dead..To..Live....
....Dead..To..Live....(II)

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SyaNidal \v/ Diverse

....Tragic..Death..I....

....Tragic..Death..II....