yea im pretty new 2 dis, so it aint great, but neway its jst a rant about shit..

every mornin i wake up to tha same//
im sick of fightin n losin in dis game//
for ppl like me dere is nuttin 2 gain, no fame//
the life i live seems 2nd best to dying//
i get knockd down everytime i try flying//
it jst allays feels like im drowing//
e'where i look, i see faces frowning//
no compassion, verbal bashin, cliques clashin//
in such a fashion, this ride of mine is crashin//
i take this knife to my wrist, hope 2 let go tha pain//
why is it like this?? its fuckin insane//
i hope to join the Lord in his reign//
yet through the sorrow i persevere//
all i want is sum1 to listen, 2 hear//
which is why i turn to this rap//
i gotta relkease this crapp//
get rid of this dead weight//

ayo looking for feedback pls

__________________


YOUNG SMIRF:LEADER

PIERR'E MADISON:CO-LEADER AND ORGANIZER

DIPSET BOY:CO-ASST LEADER 3RD IN COMMAND

XXVENOMXX:General 4TH IN COMMAND

TRACKSHIT: SOLDIER

ANDU09:SOLDIER

KOOL COL-B: SOLDIER

EMMADA59: SOLDIER

B-MORE: SOLDIER

[REAL+POLITIK]:SOLDIER

hey yo, that some nice shit, deep. n Nice flow, goes together nicely. couple thangs- 1, it don't look like you rhymin in bars, once ya do that, jus make sure the bars themselves rhyme too. and 2, Multi's are any MC/Texcee's friend. (multiple syllable rhyming.) and inners (check tutorials) jus add to the elevation. Nice verse, homes. I was feelin that. if you new to this, you gon be Ill in weeks/months time.

Peace

aiight thanks 4 dat, glkad ur feelin it

__________________


YOUNG SMIRF:LEADER

PIERR'E MADISON:CO-LEADER AND ORGANIZER

DIPSET BOY:CO-ASST LEADER 3RD IN COMMAND

XXVENOMXX:General 4TH IN COMMAND

TRACKSHIT: SOLDIER

ANDU09:SOLDIER

KOOL COL-B: SOLDIER

EMMADA59: SOLDIER

B-MORE: SOLDIER

[REAL+POLITIK]:SOLDIER

yea it was pretty good i guess u coulve worked on a few things but overall not to bad....

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it was str8 i like it & if u keep workin hard at it u'll get 2 ur potential

it was ok but u'll get betta ova time u know